Real quick – Tell me what word you would use to label this group of emotions:
happy, joyful, confident, excited, victorious 😁
Ok, how about these?
angry, jealous, sad, lonely, scared 😭
Did you use positive and negative? Good and bad? Healthy and unhealthy?
When I ask teen girls to label them, those are the most common words I hear.
It’s easy to see why the second group is considered negative or undesirable, but honestly, they’re ALL good because they’re all necessary. It’s just that some are a lot more comfortable than others.
If we want to help our daughters manage their emotional health, we have to help them get more comfortable with uncomfortable emotions. That means we probably have some work to do ourselves, because watching our daughters when they’re hurting brings out the “fixer” in most of us. 🙋🏻♀️
Instead of trying to “fix” her feelings or ignore them by suggesting ice cream and new clothes, try to allow her some space and time to sit with those uncomfortable feelings (this is hard work for her and for you!).
Remind yourself that her emotions are not caused by hormones (although hormones can magnify normal emotions), and her reactions are not “silly.” Instead, remember that her emotions are responses to things she has experienced – real or perceived, and she is learning how to process those things. That takes time.
Giving her some time doesn’t mean leaving her alone for days on end. But it does mean
- giving her some time alone if she wants it,
- sitting quietly with her if she doesn’t want to talk,
- listening without fixing when she’s ready to talk, and
- helping her think through ways to feel better when she’s ready.
Sometimes she’s with her feelings for 10 minutes or less, then on to her next activity as if her emotional explosion never happened. Other times, she may need you to offer an activity or distraction if she’s lingering too long (nobody should stay too late at a pity party).
Ok, so here comes the take home: Let’s remind our girls (and ourselves) that some emotions are uncomfortable, but the more they learn to manage them in healthy ways (talking, journaling, processing), the stronger they become. That’s how resilience works, and it’s a powerful protector. We help girls build those skills in our class, Be You.
One more thing… speaking of emotional health, when these uncomfortable emotions happen frequently over an extended period of time (weeks), it makes us worry that she may be headed toward depression. Learn more about prevention or early intervention for depression HERE.
Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More
