When my youngest daughter was 14, there were times she was on the brink of independence and other times she was clinging to childhood. She could be wildly confusing but also so logical and insightful it blew my mind.
She was loud.
She was quiet.
She was indifferent.
She was opinionated.
Sometimes anxious, sometimes confident.
She was all of those very different things on a regular basis.
It felt SO COMPLICATED. 😦 But it was also so typical for her age.
Maybe this sounds familiar? 👯♀️
I’ll admit, with my oldest daughter (bless her for being our firstborn), I struggled with the inconsistency of not knowing what to expect.
Would she engage with me 😊 or just grunt at me? 🙄
Was it a day she would need me, or not?
Which of her attitudes was going to walk down the stairs on any given day? 😇👿🤡
Was I looking at a mood disorder, or was this normal?
I had always loved taking care of adolescent patients in my office, but as a parent, I was getting my first experience LIVING with one.
I started to understand why parents with teens could get so defeated and frustrated and worried.
But as I continued to witness my daughters' transitions (I now have young adults), hindsight and medical training brought me to a place where I could see these inconsistencies through a different lens. 🔎
Rather than seeing all the problems that created frustrations, I looked for the surprises.
Teens are full of them – developmentally, intellectually, socially, relationally.
The more I keep this perspective, the better I am at handling whatever they toss my way. I know that if one surprise is frustrating, or even slightly terrifying, the next surprise may be delightful, or hilarious, or a total #victory.
And, you know what?
When you focus on their positive surprises, they are more motivated to keep learning and doing better.
So, to improve my parenting (and maintain my sanity), I decided that I would lower some expectations around consistency and focus on the happy surprises.
I realize that sounds so happy clappy (does anyone else remember Pollyanna?), but I also acknowledge with all seriousness, the warning signs of trouble. This mindset shift also requires some awareness because recognizing problems is difficult when there is little consistency to begin with (like adolescence!).
In the Girlology community, we’re here to help you focus on the happy surprises, but also to recognize when the inconsistencies become problems.
Mood shifts
Academic struggles
Loss of interest
Sleep changes
Substance use
These are all common bumps in the road that can be confusing. Is it a typical adolescent behavior or a signal that she has an underlying problem that needs attention?
In our vast library of on-demand video content, we cover all of these and more to help you feel more confident navigating this new era. As a Girlology member, you’ll have all the access exactly when you need it.
Join our community today for some peace of mind and momfidence-building insights..
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