During the three to five years that it takes for a girl to get through puberty, there’s a LOT of stuff going on. Some of the changes can be exciting, but many create anxiety. Girls worry most about whether their body is changing in a normal way. They worry if they are first to develop; they worry if they are developing later than all of their friends. And when bodies are changing and doing new things that they don’t understand, they worry that something is wrong.

When girls understand what’s normal and expected, they face the changes with greater confidence and less anxiety. After two decades of leading girls’ puberty eduction programs and receiving thousands of questions through our website, we know what girls (and their moms) worry about the most. Below, we present five things that your daughter needs to know about puberty before it happens (so she won’t worry!).

Breast buds are not cancer.

The first sign of breast development is a firm knot under the areola, called a breast bud. Often, one side “buds” first, then the other bud shows up weeks or months later. Breast cancer awareness has made such great strides that even little girls know that lumps in the breast are concerning. Many young girls have had family members with breast cancer, and they worry that their own breast bud is also cancer. Girls (and moms) need to understand that the tender knots that happen under the areola between the ages of 7 and 12 are not cancer, but are caused by normal breast development and will disappear in time. For help with breast concerns, go HERE.

Vaginal discharge is normal.

Women don’t typically talk about vaginal discharge during every day conversations, so many girls have never heard of it. When girls start to notice a new wetness or “crust” in their underwear, many have no idea what it is or if it’s normal. There are a few things that they need to know about discharge: it begins soon after breasts begin to develop; it is the way the vagina cleans itself; and it’s something that all girls and women have (even though they don’t usually talk about it!). In early puberty, vaginal discharge can be irritating to the sensitive vulvar skin (until the hair fills in and helps keep the discharge off of the skin), so knowing how to manage it is helpful, too (we cover that in our Puberty class available to subscribers).

Nobody can tell you’re on your period unless you tell them.

Do you remember thinking that people could see your bulky pad through your clothes? Did you ever believe that others could tell you were having your period by the way you looked, smelled or acted? Girls today still worry about these things, but they’re simply not true. Young girls want reassurance that others cannot tell when they are having their period. As they mature and get used to menstruation, however, we hope that they will have the confidence to not care if others know they are having a period, because periods are NORMAL! Make sure she’s prepared and confident with this class.

Emotions come from experiences, not hormones.

Adults may need this lesson more than girls, but everyone should understand that emotions are not caused by hormones. Emotions are reactions to things that people experience and feel. Sure, hormonal changes can make emotional reactions bigger, but as girls enter puberty, help them get in the habit of naming their emotions and identifying what triggers them. This is a valuable skill that will help them throughout adolescence and into adulthood. Girls (and boys) are especially empowered when they find healthy ways to identify, express, and manage their emotions, especially the more difficult ones like sadness, anger, jealously or disappointment.

Your body is amazing.

With all the body shaming and unrealistic body images that dominate the media and our culture, too many girls grow up believing they are not pretty enough, thin enough or fit enough. As puberty brings on changes in body size and shape, girls need to practice trusting and caring for their body. They need to know it is amazing because of the things it can do. Help girls value their body for what it helps them accomplish. Help them normalize NORMAL and recognize that the “ideal” created by the media and fashion industry is mostly unattainable and often unhealthy. Finally, be someone who models respect for body diversity and values others for their actions and deeds over appearances. Our video class How to Like Your Body was created to help girls develop this mindset and the practices that prevent body dislike.

 

 

 

 I prefer the term “vigilant” over “paranoid,” but I worry about depression – a lot. With 3 daughters, it’s a personal worry. With thousands of female adolescent patients, it’s also a professional worry. 

Why do I worry? 

📌 It’s common. Among teens, 1 in 7 will have a diagnosis of depression, but less than half will get treatment.

📌 It’s tricky. Depression can look different in teens than in adults, and they’re great at camouflaging their symptoms.

📌 Girls are particularly at risk. After puberty, depression is almost 3 times more common in girls than boys.

📌 It shows up early. Among adults with depression or anxiety, over half of them had symptoms by age 14.

And my biggest fear? 😱

It’s not the diagnosis of depression, it’s that the depression goes UNTREATED, because treatments are very effective, especially when started promptly after the onset of symptoms. But if it’s not treated, long-standing depression can lead to other serious health problems and lifelong struggles.

So the obvious question is, “Can we PREVENT depression in the first place?” 

There’s actually some good news. 

• When we equip children with emotional coping skills, mindfulness practices, and mental wellness awareness, we can reduce the occurrence of both anxiety and depression. Girlology has  lots of tips and discussions in the app to guide you and help her with those skills.

• When we give girls a new way to think about their body without defaulting to the way it looks as a source of happiness, we  can help them build a foundation that prioritizes their  experiences and abilities over appearances. That helps reduce body dissatisfaction which is a big trigger for anxiety in many girls. Watch for Girlology’s new body image class for girls – it will do exactly that (arriving Oct 1 for members!).

• When we destigmatize  mental health care is also a way to reduce the consequences of mental health struggles. Make sure she knows that caring for her mental health and getting help when there’s a problem is just as important and necessary as taking care of her body and getting treatments when she’s physically sick. 

Obviously, genetics matter, and some things are just not in our control, however there are definitely some steps you can take to protect her mental health now and in the future. This tip will get you started.

As vigilant moms, we need to be well-prepared to recognize depression symptoms and know what to DO (or not do) to support her, get it treated, and help our girls thrive. 

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

When my youngest daughter was 14, there were times she was on the brink of independence and other times she was clinging to childhood. She could be wildly confusing but also so logical and insightful it blew my mind. 

She was loud.

   She was quiet.

      She was indifferent.

         She was opinionated. 

Sometimes anxious, sometimes confident. 

She was all of those very different things on a regular basis. 

 

It felt SO COMPLICATED. 😦 But it was also so typical for her age.

 

Maybe this sounds familiar? 👯‍♀️

 

I’ll admit, with my oldest daughter (bless her for being our firstborn), I struggled with the inconsistency of not knowing what to expect. 

Would she engage with me 😊 or just grunt at me? 🙄 

Was it a day she would need me, or not? 

Which of her attitudes was going to walk down the stairs on any given day? 😇👿🤡 

 

Was I looking at a mood disorder, or was this normal?

 I had always loved taking care of adolescent patients in my office, but as a parent, I was getting my first experience LIVING with one. 

I started to understand why parents with teens could get so defeated and frustrated and worried.

But as I continued to witness my daughters’ transitions (I now have young adults), hindsight and medical training brought me to a place where I could see these inconsistencies through a different lens. 🔎

Rather than seeing all the problems that created frustrations, I looked for the surprises. 

Teens are full of them – developmentally, intellectually, socially, relationally.

The more I keep this perspective, the better I am at handling whatever they toss my way. I know that if one surprise is frustrating, or even slightly terrifying, the next surprise may be delightful, or hilarious, or a total #victory.

And, you know what? 

When you focus on their positive surprises, they are more motivated to keep learning and doing better. 

So, to improve my parenting (and maintain my sanity), I decided that I would lower some expectations around consistency and focus on the happy surprises.

I realize that sounds so happy clappy (does anyone else remember Pollyanna?), but I also acknowledge with all seriousness, the warning signs of trouble. This mindset shift also requires some awareness because recognizing problems is difficult when there is little consistency to begin with (like adolescence!).

In the Girlology community, we’re here to help you focus on the happy surprises, but also to recognize when the inconsistencies become problems. 

Mood shifts

Academic struggles

Loss of interest

Sleep changes

Substance use

These are all common bumps in the road that can be confusing. Is it a typical adolescent behavior or a signal that she has an underlying problem that needs attention? 

In our vast library of on-demand video content, we cover all of these and more to help you feel more confident navigating this new era. As a Girlology member, you’ll have all the access exactly when you need it. 

Join our community today for some peace of mind and momfidence-building insights..

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

I’m going to borrow a phrase from Oprah and tell you one thing I know for sure:

Our kids do better in those really sticky situations when they’ve had some time to think about how they might respond before they face that challenge.

When they have time to process a potential struggle before it smacks them in the face, they react in a way that is less impulsive, and they make better choices. The biggest challenge is knowing what challenges are ahead.

That’s where you come in.

You have to get real about the stuff they may encounter. 

It may not sound like rocket science, but it really is proven brain science (and it’s great parenting advice). 

As a physician, it’s the reason I take extra time with every adolescent patient to mention things they are likely to encounter and ask them to consider how they would handle it – whether it’s side effects from a medication or someone handing them a vape. 

Why?

Despite its reputation for drama and impulsivity, the adolescent brain is a remarkable organ. When you present an adolescent with a challenging scenario, [not to scare you, but think vaping, sexting, porn, shoplifting, alcohol, even making mean comments on social media] they are very skilled at creative problem solving –  as long as they’re in a calm setting. However, when emotions or peer pressures are high, their critical thinking skills tank. They desperately need opportunities to practice engaging their brain when they’re calm.

Your Job

So, as the adult, you don’t need to give them solutions. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Just have a calm conversation about a challenge that might come up for them. Set the scene. Make it sound realistic. Let your child come up with the solutions – and just listen. Stay curious by asking “what then?” questions, but resist the urge to problem-solve for them.

They’ll be more prepared for performing in a pickle and their solutions will stick. When they think it up, they remember it better than remembering what you told them to do.

And don’t worry that talking about scary behaviors will give them new ideas to go out and try— that’s not how it works. There’s research evidence to prove that talking about sex or substances with your kids does NOT make them go out and try it.

If you need a softer start

If the tougher topics seem too daunting for now, you can start with other really easy stuff – like, “What will you do when you get your first period?” Or, “What would you do if you started your period at school and didn’t have any period products?” Or, “What can you say when you hear one of your friends talking mean about someone?”

Just start somewhere

More processing.

Less anxiety and drama.

I promise, it works.

Speaking of an easy topic like periods…if you’re wondering if her first period is close – we can help you with that in this tip “How to predict her first period.” And then if its close – don’t forget our 30- page free ebook for her – it covers ALL THE THINGS she needs to know when she starts her period. It’s called, You Got IT, and it’s available to all members.

 

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

The last time you posted a smiling photo of your daughter (or yourself) on social media, did the comments go something like this… 

Beautiful …Gorgeous …So pretty … Beautiful inside and out… ?

Can we stop?

Sure, it’s nice to pay compliments. Sometimes people really do look great, and pointing that out can lift them up. More often though, I think we rattle off appearance-related flattery as a quick and mindless way to acknowledge that we “see” them and we’re paying attention. But what are we paying attention to?

As adults, hopefully we all know by now that our worth is not based on our appearance (even though society has told us otherwise for eons). But just in case you still struggle with this, let me assure you that we are important to others because we love, we give, we help, we DO things that matter.

If that statement summons a “yes!” in your head, how long did it take for you to really believe this about yourself? Adulthood? 

Our daughters and their friends deserve to learn this important lesson earlier in life, and a good place to start is to change the way we notice them. 🔎

 

Here’s why it’s important:

During adolescence, along with their body changes comes brain-based development that tosses them some existential questions: 

• Who Am I? 
• What do I have to offer? 
• Do I matter? 

The answers they tell themselves (based on input from others) become the foundation for their self-confidence and self-worth.

When we repeatedly compliment girls on their appearance, they answer those questions with all the wrong answers: I am someone people like to look at. I have my looks to offer. I matter more when people see me as beautiful.

Yikes. 😧

 

Here’s what they need: 

They need you to pay closer attention and give honest compliments, because adolescent girls also have a very strong b.s. monitor. When an adult, particularly a parent, says something shallow or insincere, her alarms are going off. 🚨

In fact, research tells us that when we tell a girl something that is not in line with what she already believes, she creates counter-arguments in her head, and she always wins. “No, I’m not.” “That’s a lie.” “You’re just saying that.” Her retorts are more believable to her, and your compliment ends up creating the opposite effect of what you intended.

 

Here’s how to do it better:

So is it hopeless to give a girl compliments? Not if they’re sincere. But even if she IS physically beautiful, don’t let that be the thing you comment on first or most often. Instead, look deeper; notice the things that excite her; watch for the victories that matter to her – and start there. Give her less attention for her looks, and learn to grow her confidence in ways that are more specific and meaningful: 

✅ doing something well

✅ taking healthy risks

✅ pursuing a passion

✅ working toward a goal

And if you’re on social media and see a smiling photo of a girl or woman, I challenge you to comment on something other than the way she looks. 

Need some ideas? Here’s our compliment bank. We’d love to have you contribute by adding yours in the comments!

Caring・Happy・ Genuine・ Creative・ Independent・ Strong・ Brave・ Loyal・ Curious・ Thoughtful・ Careful・ Confident・ Powerful・ Clever・ Fierce・ Loving・ Kind・ Smart・ Inspiring・ Funny・ Athletic・ Engaged・ Fascinating・ Refreshing・ Calm・ Considerate・ Inclusive・ Courteous・ Friendly・Connected Unique・ Energetic・ Capable・ Passionate・ Helpful・ Interesting・ Faithful・ Adventurous・ Courageous・Tough・Gentle・Efficient・ Gracious・ Respectful・Talented・ Entertaining・ Compassionate・ Joyful・ Brilliant・ Meticulous・ Hard-working・ Special・ Honest・ Radiant・ Resilient・ Cheerful・ Charming・ Kind-hearted・ Perseverant・ Generous・ Tolerant・ Intelligent ・Giving・ Witty・ Lively・ Amusing・ Focused・ Impressive・ Diligent・ Energetic・ Thoughtful・ Delightful・ Gracious・ Lovely・ Refreshing・ Engaging・ Captivating・ Lovable・

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others? Learn More 

In the past week, I’ve heard the term “detox” from three highly intelligent people whom I fear have been bamboozled by the wellness industry. They were spending money on teas, supplements, and meal plans to jumpstart their new year with a “cleansing.” One was detoxing with her adolescent daughter (which could actually create toxicity by encouraging restrictive eating).

There are a lot of ways I could have replied to that, but I took a deep breath and just shared MY favorite detox pointers.

• There is no supplement, diet, or drink that will detox her body better than her own liver and kidneys. 
• Her liver and kidneys can use some detox support, but it doesn’t come from herbs or liquid diets.
• The best ways to detox her body and support her natural detoxing organs are to help her establish healthy habits around sleep, movement, nutrition, and emotional coping. 

I know. An herbal tea would be so much easier. 

But if the new year is motivating you to create positive change in your life, it’s a great time to take an assessment and make a plan together. If you truly want to help her detox from things that are harming her or holding her back, here are 4 sure ways to do that:

• Help her detox from unhealthy friendships
• • • As our daughters leave childhood behind, it’s common for their friendships to shift. Help her understand that “friends” that don’t make her feel respected, heard, or cared for, are not true friends. Many of the mental health issues that affect adolescent girls stem from friendship (or “frenemy”) challenges. 
    • To detox from unhealthy friendships, start conversations about what she needs and hopes for as she makes new friends or carries old friends into the new year and beyond. 
    • Normalize friendship “break ups” as sometimes necessary and liberating. 
    • And help her learn how to be a good friend to others. If you’d like help with this, our Friendship Matters class and workbook, are great resources and conversation guides. 

• Help her edit her social media influences to boost the positive and reduce the negative

• • Encourage her to unfollow accounts that leave her feeling like she’s not good enough or thin enough or popular enough. Instead, simply adding 2-3 new accounts that are uplifting or inspiring can help boost her confidence and happiness.
  • Self-criticism is clearly toxic, but self-acceptance requires practice. For tips on HOW to start that practice, THIS Girlology TV episode offers great information!
    

• Talk with her about avoiding known toxins like vaping and other substance use. 

• • The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends we talk with our kids about substance use starting at age 11. Substance use disorder experts say 9 is a better age. Either way – there are age appropriate chats you can have at any age.
  • Even though we think our kids KNOW better than to vape, try alcohol, or eat THC gummies, our kids gather a LOT of ideas from what they see in their families and communities.
  • If you have kids or teens, do not keep pain meds or other unneeded prescription medications in your home. Here’s why and how.
  • Make sure your kids know not to consume any “candy” that they find or that someone gives them without checking with you. From marijuana gummies to fentanyl, accidental ingestion of substances by children and teens has skyrocketed over the past few years resulting in vastly higher rates of emergency room visits, overdose treatments, and deaths. 

• Reduce her exposure to environmental toxins 

• • This sounds overwhelming, but most environmental toxins are attributed to exposures that are not that difficult to avoid or remove. Simple changes, like eliminating plastic food storage containers, changing air filters, and washing hands can have a big impact.
  • Check out THIS TIP For more information on WHY this matters (especially for girls) and other ways to reduce her exposures.

So, forget the herbal teas, the sweatboxes, and restrictive diets. The best detoxes happen when we rid ourselves of unhealthy relationships, negative self-talk, unrealistic influences, and known threats to our health.

Cheers to a safe and healthy year ahead. We’re here to help all along the way.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

With warmer weather and Spring Breaking, it seems that many of you are thinking about (and stressed about) your daughters’ bathing suits. We get dozens of questions on this topic every year, and the range of questions is as varied as the range of very strong opinions about what is and isn’t ok for girls to wear.

Some of the questions we’ve received recently sum up the recurring themes in the great bathing suit quandaries. I’ve provided some simple, body-positive suggestions that may help (or may not — this is definitely a highly complex and nuanced topic). Let us know how you’re handling these challenges in your home!

 

She’s hiding her body

“My daughter only wears baggy clothes and insists on a full-cover, black one-piece. Her figure is so cute. How can I help her feel more comfortable with it?”

If she likes baggy clothes and wants a full-coverage bathing suit – great. There’s no need to push her into something more form fitting. It’s particularly common for some girls to want to stay covered when they become aware of their morphing body and aren’t quite ready to show others what’s been going on under those giant T-shirts. It doesn’t necessarily mean she has a body image problem, it may just be a time of adjustment. 

You don’t need to know the reason, just start looking for those black one-piece suits. If you have the means, give her a few options and let her choose one she likes best. Remember that you can’t talk her into loving her body, but you can influence her body acceptance by modeling your own and staying focused on the awesome things her body does instead of how it looks. Also – one last suggestion: telling her that her body is cute won’t help, and can actually hurt by perpetuating our societal knee-jerk that focuses on looks instead of other more important traits.

 

Her suit is too small

“My daughter put on last year’s bathing suit, and yikes. We need something bigger! How do I tell her without making her self-conscious?”

When our kids grow, it’s normally seen as an exciting event and sign of health, but when girls’ bodies grow in new places during adolescence, why does everyone act so surprised? If you’re worried about telling her, don’t be. She already knows she’s growing. But the way you talk with her about it can change everything. If you can avoid this scenario before she even tries on last year’s suit, do it. Suggest a shopping trip (or order) anticipating that normal growth means a new swimsuit. If she’s standing in front of you spilling out of last year’s suit, stay calm, matter of fact, and leave the ball in her court, “Looks like it could be time for a new suit. What style do you think you want this year?” 

A girl in a woman’s body

“This year, My 12 year old’s body would definitely fit in a women’s size suit, but she still loves to run around and play. Where do we shop for something comfortable and appropriate?”

Thankfully, this solution is more practical and less emotional. Even though she might be perfectly proportioned for the teen suits, skip the teen department and go straight to the women’s department or sporting good stores where there’s a larger variety of options, including tankinis, one-pieces, and even boy-shorts, board shorts, and rash guard tops that also double as great sun-protection. If you’ll be shopping virtually there are some great options at some of the traditional catalog stores like LL Bean and Land’s End. If she still loves to run around and play, she deserves a suit that lets her do that without wedgies or nip slips!

 

I’m worried she’ll be teased

“My 13 year old daughter is asking for a bikini, but she really doesn’t have the body for it. I want to encourage her body acceptance, but I’m worried that at her age, she will be teased or bullied. What should I do?

This is where parenting tween and teen girls can become excruciatingly challenging. Is our “protection” nothing more than body shaming and judgment? 

My first instinct is to say that the most beautiful bikini body is a happy and confident body – and I believe that with all my heart. But I think we owe our daughters more than “you’re beautiful.” 

At 13, girls are very capable of understanding that as parents, we can feel conflicted about what we want and don’t want for our children. They are also capable of reflecting on choices they make. 

So tell her what you love (her confidence, her style). Tell her what worries you (some people judge others for stupid reasons; some people may sexualize her body and make her feel uncomfortable; she may feel restricted and less free to move around without tugging on her suit). Then get curious without expressing judgment or emotion. Why does she want a bikini? Is there another style she might like to have as well? 

Obviously there’s a delicate balance between helping your daughter feel empowered and helping prepare her for the reality that people can be jerks. You’ve probably said “life’s not fair” before, and this is one more example and a conversation that you’ll need to have again and again as she grows. 

Just make sure she knows that you are her biggest fan no matter what she decides to wear – and if that’s a bikini, then good for her! She is already winning in the body confidence arena.

______

This is a kind and very wise community, so if you are having other dilemmas like these, feel free to ask for help in the comments section. We’re here to help each other as we all parent through puberty! 

If you want to keep it in a more private space, our members have access to our private online forum where you can ask anything and get responses from our physicians, mental health experts, and other caring adults. Maybe it’s a great time to join!

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More about joining HERE. 

😂Whether you’re watching our on-demand puberty program with her from the comfort of your couch or you’re attending an in-person Girlology program offered by your local Girlologist, I want to share some insider information.

There will be plenty of facts dropped and jokes floated, but do you best to pay attention to the “feel good” moments.

After teaching our girls’ puberty programs to thousands of girls and their caregivers for 15+ years, these are the moments I love to watch. Most often, they show up in facial expressions or body language, but sometimes you’ll find them in their laughter or whispers. 

So if you’re ready to get started with our Level 3 playlist that introduces her to the basic puberty topics or you’ve diving right into the our full puberty class with her, keep an eye out for some of these things. I hope they warm your ❤️ and remind you that you’re doing a great job by making sure she’s informed and prepared. 

• the way she reluctantly walks in (or agrees to watch), but quickly becomes comfortable. 😂

   

   

• how truly curious she is about her body and how it works. 🤔

   

   

• those sighs of relief as she discovers she’s normal and not alone. 😅

   

   

• her “oh!” and “aha!” moments when she “gets” how period products work. 💡

   

   

• The giggles that bubble up as she realizes these chats don’t have to be so serious! 😆

   

   

• the nods and knowing glances she shoots you as we chat about friendships and moods. 😏

   

   

• the emotional connection you feel during this shared experience. 😥

   

   

• and the way she leans into you or reaches out for a sweet touch that lets you know this is meaningful. 💕

Sharing this class truly creates connection. It also serves as an ice-breaker and a springboard for so many future chats. We hear from parents all the time that they watched a class with their daughter, and it strengthened their connection because they were talking more comfortably and frequently about changing bodies and minds. When that happens, you are way more likely to become her trusted go-to, and that is so protective.

So watch for the feel-good moments for YOU, and take comfort in knowing SHE will enter puberty and adolescence with greater confidence knowing what’s ahead.

You’re doing a great job!

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

It’s normal to feel anxiety rising when you look at your daughter and realize she’s moving quickly through childhood toward puberty. Maybe one of her friends is developing, or maybe she tosses out some attitude that feels unfamiliar and prickly. Or maybe, she just put on her bathing suit for the first time this year and omg, what has been going on under those bulky winter clothes? 

There’s no reason to panic, but there are lots of good reasons to prepare – yourself first, THEN, your girl.

Part of helping our daughters navigate puberty and adolescence with confidence and knowledge is to do our own work. Here’s the assignment:

1. Shift parenting gears. 

Parenting toddlers and young children requires a lot of physical stamina. It can be exhausting to constantly scan the physical environment for hazards, keep her entertained with developmentally-beneficial  activities, schedule and supervise playdates, answer all her questions. As you shift toward parenting pre-teens and teens, it’s physically easier, but requires a ton more mental energy. Instead of watching HER every move, you have to start watching YOUR OWN thoughts, judgments, and responses, all while encouraging her to be more independent, advocate for her needs, learn from her mistakes, and think about her future. The most useful skills for parenting tweens and teens become staying calm, responding with curiosity instead of judgment, modeling healthy relationships, and being generous with opportunities to problem solve instead of doing all the problem solving for her.  

 

2. Prepare her without overwhelming her.

You’ve spent her whole life preparing her for what’s ahead, whether it was her her first day of school or her daily routine to get ready for bed. You know she does better when she knows what to expect and hears your reassurances that make it less scary or overwhelming. She needs the same things as she heads into puberty. What’s next for her body? When will it happen? How can she care for it? What can she do to manage her big feelings?  Believe it or not, preparing her for puberty and adolescence is no different than preparing her for anything else in her life, and you’re the best one to help her feel ready.

 

3. Learn strategies that support and nurture the ever-changing emotional and mental health landscape of a budding adolescent.

Every generation of adolescents has faced trends and cultural influences that threaten their mental health. Today, those challenges are bigger than ever as evidenced by the current mental health crisis among teens – girls especially. Parenting through puberty is tough, but it’s best when YOU feel supported with accessible, relatable resources and expert guides. If we want to shift the current tide of declining mental health among girls, we have to focus on prevention. Since over half of all mental health disorders among adults begin by age 14, puberty is the perfect time for our preventative efforts.

Great. but HOW do you DO all of that?

It depends on where this journey is starting for you (and her).

If you’re here early in the game, my best advice is download our free ebook, Be Her Best Guide (a Pre-Puberty Guide for Proactive Parents). It will start you on the right path with preparation tips, facts, how-to advice, and answers to common questions.  

If puberty is already underway in your home, then I invite you to join our community to check out our other content. We offer hundreds of tips & discussions for parents and engaging classes for girls through every age and stage of puberty and adolescence; and I promise, you’re not too late to start. 

We know it takes a village, and as physicians dedicated to girls’ health and wellness, and moms of daughters, our passion is to empower girls and the people who care for them with accurate and helpful health & wellness information that helps grow their confidence.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

I’ve been credited with (and unfortunately accused of) raising daughters who believe their voice matters. Each of them uses their voice in different ways, but it’s been fun to watch them discover the power and value of speaking up.

What did I do? Everything wrong.

When my oldest was facing some friendship challenges, I told her what she should say. When she talked about feeling left out, I told her how to get over it. When she thought she explained her idea for a project, I told her how to improve it. Argh!! I sucked.

Lucky for me, around that same time, I was chatting with a friend and psychologist about my concerns that my daughter wasn’t speaking up for herself. My friend politely pointed out that trying to give my daughter MY voice was not going to work. Instead, she offered some great guidance on how I could help my girl find her own voice.

I was the problem (are you hearing the Taylor Swift song?). I was so worried about her, I was trying to fix everything for her.

Society sends us such mixed signals. We are bombarded with news that our world is increasingly dangerous, yet we have been labeled as a generation of overprotective “helicopter” parents. 

So, how do we confidently encourage our daughters to become more independent while keeping them safe? How do we help our girls find their voices and advocate for themselves, their needs, what they believe in? 

How do we Fear Less and Know More?

According to one of our favorite Psychologists, Dr. Alison Conner, the most important step is … learn to LISTEN!

Becoming independent is a crucial task of adolescence, and it requires self-advocacy skills. But sometimes we can become so obsessed with our daughters’ success and happiness that we may end up stepping in to prevent her failures and eliminate her disappointments. After a couple decades of “you’re-the-best-” and “don’t-let-them-see-you-struggle-” mentality, we are thankfully returning to the more realistic and accurate idea that failure can be fruitful.

Helicopter Less. Allow Failure More.

As your daughter navigates her way through the pre-teen and teen years, know it’s a lengthy process where sometimes she’ll amaze you with maturity, and other times, she’s acting five again. She will succeed. And she will have some missteps.

Despite what she may request, it’s definitely not the time to “let go” and give her unsupervised free rein. However, it is a perfect time to start trusting her ability to learn how to solve her own problems.  It’s a perfect time to encourage her to find her voice.  

BUT HOW? 

You can support her most by building trust and communication, which ultimately requires more LISTENING and less talking (two ears, one mouth, right?). The more we show her that her voice matters, the more she will believe it. It starts with us.

Here are some tips Dr. Conner offers to help those of us with adolescents become better listeners, and therefore, better communicators and better parents:

• Listen even when you disagree. 
• Resist temptations to always investigate, judge, or fix. 
• Don’t always assume the worst. 
• Choose your battles. 
• Let her help establish her own boundaries and rules (and even consequences)
• Give guidance when needed. 
• Negotiate. 
• Be her ally. 
• Trust in her ability to begin to solve her own problems. 

The most important step in teaching your daughter that her voice matters is to show her how empowering it feels when someone LISTENS. 

The best way to teach her to find her voice is to listen to her when she’s using it.

 

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE.