Don’t you hate it when she misses out on something fun or important?
We worry enough about our daughters’ social media generated FOMO (fear of missing out), but I think there’s a FOHMO (fear of HER missing out) that we parents have, even though we understand that missing out on things is just part of life; they can’t do everything.
But…
I want my daughters to have every opportunity to learn, to have fun, to belong, to try new things. And when they miss out, I sometimes find myself feeling disappointed, even a little anxious.
Is that FOHMO or is it just being a Mama Bear?
When I worry she’s missing something important, I hear my own anxieties as a nagging voice in my head – “ Will missing that make her feel like an outsider?” “How can she make up for that missed opportunity?” or “What if she doesn’t get another chance to experience that?”
I know – my internal voice is tough!
Obviously, we can “what if…” ourselves into full blown anxiety if we don’t learn to control what we CAN control and let go of what we CAN’T control.
Even as I raise my third daughter, I find this to be a personal challenge as well as a pretty universal parenting challenge. Don’t we all want to provide as many opportunities as we can to prepare them for a confident, healthy, and bright future?
When I’m feeling anxious about her missing out on something, I try to stay grounded by doing these two things:
1.) Check my own parenting anxieties against what is truly going to protect and prepare her. Am I anxious because I feel pressure to look good as a parent, or is it because I am honestly concerned that she will suffer significantly? I emphasize significantly because some degree of suffering is inevitable and even necessary in life. That may sound harsh, but if you want to know more, check out our most recent Girlology TV interview on Reducing Anxiety with clinical psychologist, Dr. Cora Ezzell.
2.) Keep things factual, realistic, and as practical as possible. What are the facts? Are there other opportunities that would provide a similar experience? Is there a different approach? Is it worth the trouble?
It’s a lot to think about, but the more I practice, the faster it happens in my head, and the better prepared I feel to help her (and myself) manage the missing out or let it go.
So in the vein of things we CAN control, let me exchange my mama bear coat for my white coat and tell you the most important thing you can do right now to keep her from missing out on learning, having fun, and trying new things is to protect her from the things that will make her miss out.
So, take her to get her flu shot.
Seriously. It’s that time of year.
Influenza causes more “missing out” than mean girls’ birthday parties!
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