Don’t you hate it when she misses out on something fun or important? 

We worry enough about our daughters’ social media generated FOMO (fear of missing out), but I think there’s a FOHMO (fear of HER missing out) that we parents have, even though we understand that missing out on things is just part of life; they can’t do everything. 

But… 

I want my daughters to have every opportunity to learn, to have fun, to belong, to try new things. And when they miss out, I sometimes find myself feeling disappointed, even a little anxious. 

Is that FOHMO or is it just being a Mama Bear? 

When I worry she’s missing something important, I hear my own anxieties as a nagging voice in my head – “ Will missing that make her feel like an outsider?” “How can she make up for that missed opportunity?” or “What if she doesn’t get another chance to experience that?”

I know – my internal voice is tough!

Obviously, we can “what if…” ourselves into full blown anxiety if we don’t learn to control what we CAN control and let go of what we CAN’T control. 

Even as I raise my third daughter, I find this to be a personal challenge as well as a pretty universal parenting challenge. Don’t we all want to provide as many opportunities as we can to prepare them for a confident, healthy, and bright future? 

When I’m feeling anxious about her missing out on something, I try to stay grounded by doing these two things:

1.) Check my own parenting anxieties against what is truly going to protect and prepare her. Am I anxious because I feel pressure to look good as a parent, or is it because I am honestly concerned that she will suffer significantly? I emphasize significantly because some degree of suffering is inevitable and even necessary in life. That may sound harsh, but if you want to know more, check out our most recent Girlology TV interview on Reducing Anxiety with clinical psychologist, Dr. Cora Ezzell.  

2.) Keep things factual, realistic, and as practical as possible. What are the facts? Are there other opportunities that would provide a similar experience? Is there a different approach? Is it worth the trouble?

It’s a lot to think about, but the more I practice, the faster it happens in my head, and the better prepared I feel to help her (and myself) manage the missing out or let it go. 

So in the vein of things we CAN control, let me exchange my mama bear coat for my white coat and tell you the most important thing you can do right now to keep her from missing out on learning, having fun, and trying new things is to protect her from the things that will make her miss out. 

So, take her to get her flu shot. 

Seriously. It’s that time of year.

Influenza causes more “missing out” than mean girls’ birthday parties! 

 

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

In the coming weeks, more than ever, we need to pay attention to our health – mental and physical. I know you hear that all the time, but I also know that personally, sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to lift my head and DO.THE.THINGS that I know are important (but are so easy to let slide). 

Call it a seasonal reset, but it’s more than just Fall y’all. Election season + flu/RSV/Covid season add more urgency to the effort. 

A couple weeks ago, I sat down and made a list of things I’m committed to (or recommitting to). Four things on my list are so simple and probably have the best return on investment.

✅ I’ve muted or deleted a bunch of accounts on my social media channels and replied STOP to the unwanted political texts. Maybe I’m late to this insight, but when I scroll, I want to be inspired, entertained, or educated, and not feel infuriated, insulted, or incredulous. Keeping politics AND “self-improvement” posts out of my feed is good for my wellbeing right now. As I opt for humor, authenticity, and inspiration, I also find that I’m spending less time scrolling because I feel good, and I move on. When I’m fuming over frustrating content, I tend to spend more time in my head arguing or generating snarky responses – which I rarely send, btw – total waste of time and energy.

✅ I’ve extended my walking route to keep me outside longer each day. Exercise and being outdoors both have significant mental health benefits, and Fall is my favorite season. This one’s a no brainer for me. Spending more time outside watching the season unfold is like a gift. Every day, I discover some lovely surprise – subtle color changes, new Halloween decorations, a pomegranate tree full of fruit — who knew that would even grow in my neighborhood?! When we allow ourselves to be delighted, even by simple things, it can have a big impact on mood and outlook.

I also bought a couple new books on Audible that I’m really excited to listen to, and I only allow myself to listen when I’m walking. It’s my motivation and reward for getting outside to exercise. 

✅ I restocked or replaced the things I rely on to keep my house clean and my family less germy: hand sanitizer (one for each car and each backpack), tissues, cleaning supplies, hand soap (that smells like Fall), air filters. Having plenty of these things on hand and a few fun variations gives me peace of mind. 

✅ I got my flu & Covid vaccines (and made sure my entire family got theirs). Getting sick this time of year can be confusing with Influenza, RSV, and Covid having so many overlapping symptoms. Getting your seasonal vaccines protects you and the people around you and it can reduce the strain on healthcare systems. Plus, nobody likes missing out on Fall fun because they’re sick. Flu before “BOO!” has been a mantra for years, but since it’s already Halloween, just make a plan to get it soon if you haven’t already!

I hope in this confluence of seasons, you’re making the effort to stay healthy and to be your daughters’ greatest influencer when it comes to health and wellness.

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

 I prefer the term “vigilant” over “paranoid,” but I worry about depression – a lot. With 3 daughters, it’s a personal worry. With thousands of female adolescent patients, it’s also a professional worry. 

Why do I worry? 

📌 It’s common. Among teens, 1 in 7 will have a diagnosis of depression, but less than half will get treatment.

📌 It’s tricky. Depression can look different in teens than in adults, and they’re great at camouflaging their symptoms.

📌 Girls are particularly at risk. After puberty, depression is almost 3 times more common in girls than boys.

📌 It shows up early. Among adults with depression or anxiety, over half of them had symptoms by age 14.

And my biggest fear? 😱

It’s not the diagnosis of depression, it’s that the depression goes UNTREATED, because treatments are very effective, especially when started promptly after the onset of symptoms. But if it’s not treated, long-standing depression can lead to other serious health problems and lifelong struggles.

So the obvious question is, “Can we PREVENT depression in the first place?” 

There’s actually some good news. 

• When we equip children with emotional coping skills, mindfulness practices, and mental wellness awareness, we can reduce the occurrence of both anxiety and depression. Girlology has  lots of tips and discussions in the app to guide you and help her with those skills.

• When we give girls a new way to think about their body without defaulting to the way it looks as a source of happiness, we  can help them build a foundation that prioritizes their  experiences and abilities over appearances. That helps reduce body dissatisfaction which is a big trigger for anxiety in many girls. Watch for Girlology’s new body image class for girls – it will do exactly that (arriving Oct 1 for members!).

• When we destigmatize  mental health care is also a way to reduce the consequences of mental health struggles. Make sure she knows that caring for her mental health and getting help when there’s a problem is just as important and necessary as taking care of her body and getting treatments when she’s physically sick. 

Obviously, genetics matter, and some things are just not in our control, however there are definitely some steps you can take to protect her mental health now and in the future. This tip will get you started.

As vigilant moms, we need to be well-prepared to recognize depression symptoms and know what to DO (or not do) to support her, get it treated, and help our girls thrive. 

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

When my youngest daughter was 14, there were times she was on the brink of independence and other times she was clinging to childhood. She could be wildly confusing but also so logical and insightful it blew my mind. 

She was loud.

   She was quiet.

      She was indifferent.

         She was opinionated. 

Sometimes anxious, sometimes confident. 

She was all of those very different things on a regular basis. 

 

It felt SO COMPLICATED. 😦 But it was also so typical for her age.

 

Maybe this sounds familiar? 👯‍♀️

 

I’ll admit, with my oldest daughter (bless her for being our firstborn), I struggled with the inconsistency of not knowing what to expect. 

Would she engage with me 😊 or just grunt at me? 🙄 

Was it a day she would need me, or not? 

Which of her attitudes was going to walk down the stairs on any given day? 😇👿🤡 

 

Was I looking at a mood disorder, or was this normal?

 I had always loved taking care of adolescent patients in my office, but as a parent, I was getting my first experience LIVING with one. 

I started to understand why parents with teens could get so defeated and frustrated and worried.

But as I continued to witness my daughters’ transitions (I now have young adults), hindsight and medical training brought me to a place where I could see these inconsistencies through a different lens. 🔎

Rather than seeing all the problems that created frustrations, I looked for the surprises. 

Teens are full of them – developmentally, intellectually, socially, relationally.

The more I keep this perspective, the better I am at handling whatever they toss my way. I know that if one surprise is frustrating, or even slightly terrifying, the next surprise may be delightful, or hilarious, or a total #victory.

And, you know what? 

When you focus on their positive surprises, they are more motivated to keep learning and doing better. 

So, to improve my parenting (and maintain my sanity), I decided that I would lower some expectations around consistency and focus on the happy surprises.

I realize that sounds so happy clappy (does anyone else remember Pollyanna?), but I also acknowledge with all seriousness, the warning signs of trouble. This mindset shift also requires some awareness because recognizing problems is difficult when there is little consistency to begin with (like adolescence!).

In the Girlology community, we’re here to help you focus on the happy surprises, but also to recognize when the inconsistencies become problems. 

Mood shifts

Academic struggles

Loss of interest

Sleep changes

Substance use

These are all common bumps in the road that can be confusing. Is it a typical adolescent behavior or a signal that she has an underlying problem that needs attention? 

In our vast library of on-demand video content, we cover all of these and more to help you feel more confident navigating this new era. As a Girlology member, you’ll have all the access exactly when you need it. 

Join our community today for some peace of mind and momfidence-building insights..

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

When it comes to adolescent acne, there’s a progression that’s pretty typical as puberty begins:
oily skin > blackheads > pimples > and some will advance to full-blown acne.

Gee thanks, hormones 🙄

As parents, we may cringe inside at the first sight of acne on that sweet little face, but parenting a pre-teen or teen is such a balancing act.

• Do you say anything or not? 
• Do you just leave some acne wash by her sink and hope she discovers it?
• Do you calmly suggest a skin care routine without letting your eyes stray to her pimples?

You desperately want to help her avoid the self-esteem impact of acne, but you also need to avoid the emotional crisis that could erupt by pointing out her skin flaws. 🌋

As a mom, I’ve walked on those eggshells, but then I learned to apply my doctoring skills at home, and it got a little easier. 

As a doctor, we’re trained to make observations and ask questions: 

“I notice you have some blackheads and a few pimples. Do they bother you?”

The key is showing NO emotion or facial expression to indicate pity, concern, or worry.

In this type of situation, if you can be like a blank piece of paper with a Yes or No checkbox ✅ you’ll be less likely to set off an emotional melt-down. (hint: this skill is critical for parents of tweens and teens. Practice it and apply it often!)

If her answer is a solid “No,” just move on and make no other comments other than, “Awesome, if it ever does, just let me know.” 

If her answer is anything else,

“Sort of,”

“Not really,”

“A little,”
or (as my drama-queen answered, “Omigosh YES!!! Why would you even ASK?”

then you’ll want to watch our tips from dermatologist Dr. Angela Casey, starting with THIS ONE to help her understand what causes acne and the essentials for treatment.

If she isn’t bothered by skin issues, she won’t be motivated to follow any skin care routine beyond washing (and even that is a struggle for some tweens!). If that’s the case, then this tip is exactly what you (and she) need for now.

But when she’s ready for help, we’ve got you covered with this tip from Dr. Trish: Treating Acne When It First Starts.

And if you’re looking for a recommendation on choosing products for her skin? We are loving Bright Girl skin care products. Dr. Angela Casey is the creator of Bright Girl products specifically made for young skin — with simple, safe ingredients. Use the discount code: Girl20 for 20% off your order at brightgirl.com.

 

Want ALL the tips and insights we share? Become a Girlology member now! Learn More HERE. 

Those moods. As a parent, you watch them morph as your daughter cartwheels into adolescence and then slams the door in your face. 

Sometimes she’s her “usual” self. 😊 Sometimes she’s so …  👹 🐍 🥊 🎭 🛸 🗯 🤷🏾‍♀️.

There’s no doubt it worries you. We hear it all the time, “Is she just moody or could it be depression?”

YES to both. 

✅ Yes, she’s moody; bigger moods and rapid emotional surges 🎢 are a normal part of adolescent brain development (not just because of hormones!). I’ll be talking about that in an upcoming blog. She needs to learn how to manage her difficult emotions.

✅ Yes, it could be depression because after puberty, depression rates soar, especially for girls; we need to be vigilant and do what we can to prevent or help depression, right? 

Cue: Self Care. 

I’m not talking about cliche “treat yourself” indulgences.💅🏼🛍 True self care is taking the time to do the things that make us our best selves —  like human connections, healthy habits, taking time to reflect and plan. Self care is a powerful tool in managing moods, rising out of a mild depression, and maintaining health on a holistic level. 

In this tip Dr. Trish gives you 5 concrete and actionable ways to counter depression by guiding her toward self care. Nothing’s a quick fix, but establishing these habits can support her health long term. 

At the same time, understand the warning signs of depression because for some girls, there is no amount of self care that can prevent it or fix it.

So, back to the question all parents seem to ask at some point:

Is she just moody, or is she depressed?

Moody – grumpy, irritable, angry, crying, complaining – you know what “moody” looks like. A “depressed mood” can be part of that. If it’s normal adolescent moodiness, the “bad mood” doesn’t last long, and there are some “good moods” thrown in as well. If something fun comes along, she’s up for it. She’ll get up, get out, laugh, and participate in the stuff she usually likes to participate in. 

Depressed – can look a lot like moody, but it persists for more than a couple of weeks and begins to creep into other parts of her life to affect her sleep, activities, relationships, school work, energy level, and even her physical health. 

To add confusion, teens can be savvy about trying to get better on their own, so they may seek activities to “lift their mood.” That can look like spending more time with friends, thrill seeking, sexual behaviors, substance use. Contrary to the stereotype, a depressed teen isn’t always alone. Instead, she can actually look desperate for social connection and attention. For girls, in particular, they often seek other depressed peers and reinforce each other’s problems, sometimes intensifying the symptoms.

If your daughter is clearly having some normal adolescent moodiness, we feel you. We recommend you practice your deep breathing, calm responses, and maintaining your sense of humor. 

If you’re not sure her moods fall within the “normal” category, or if she has any other symptoms of depression, speak with her doctor or a counselor right away. 

There are many ways to successfully treat depression through talking therapy, medications, or both. With treatment, she can expect to feel better in a few weeks to months. Without treatment, depression is likely to worsen, last longer, and recur later in life. 

Remember that depression is a medical diagnosis that causes changes in the brain structure and chemistry. It is neither a weakness nor a parenting failure. 

Never ever hesitate to seek help.

 

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

😢 she’s tearful because she senses something deeply meaningful to her. 

😤 she’s angry because someone was wronged. 

😫 she’s frustrated because she envisions a better solution.

What’s one of the first remarks you hear when a girl or woman becomes tearful, or angry, or frustrated? 😭😡😒

She must be PMS-ing.

Actually, chances are, it’s not PMS.

[Can you tell it really annoys me when I hear those comments? And, no, I’m not PMS-ing!]

Allow me to climb on my soapbox for a second, then I’ll give you some facts. Promise.

We need to fight the societal knee-jerk that writes-off girls’ and women’s emotions as frivolous and flighty because “we’re hormonal.” 

Our hormones don’t create our emotions. Our emotions are responses to things we experience, therefore it is way more likely that…  

😢 she’s tearful because she senses something deeply meaningful to her. 

😤 she’s angry because someone was wronged. 

😫 she’s frustrated because she envisions a better solution.

Our emotions provide us with important insights. We need to stop making excuses for them, and learn to use them to spark growth and change (or at least some reflective time).

On the other hand…

When I asked my 14 year old daughter (child of Girlology upbringing) what PMS stands for, she replied, “Period.Mood.Swings.” 

sigh. 

I obviously need to back up.

[Stepping off soapbox and heading to chalk board…]

PMS stands for Premenstrual Syndrome. It’s real and it impacts over 80% of menstruators — some more than others; so let me give it the attention it deserves by sharing accurate information AND helpful solutions.

The word SYNDROME means a cluster of symptoms that make up a condition. Each symptom affects each individual in different ways and with varying degrees of severity. 

PMS is caused by hormone shifts that happen between ovulation and the start of menstruation. The symptoms are related to falling estrogen levels paired with rising-then-falling progesterone levels. 

By definition, PMS begins after ovulation, and the symptoms stop within a few days after a period begins, often the first day or two of menstruation. That means two important things:

👉🏽 If you do not ovulate, it’s not PMS (in young girls, ovulation is irregular in the first year or two of periods, but the other most common reason for not ovulating is hormonal birth control, which is one of many ways to treat PMS). 

👉🏽 If symptoms continue past menstruation, they are not part of PMS but likely related to a different diagnosis. Talk with your doctor.

Before we get to the cluster of symptoms, an important word about PERIOD-RELATED MOODS:

Moodiness is ONE symptom of PMS, but it’s important to understand that severe premenstrual mood extremes, including paralyzing anxiety, disabling depression, or suicidal thoughts are NOT PMS. If mood changes are this extreme, they are part of a more serious but treatable diagnosis called PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). Don’t ignore those symptoms or think they’re “just PMS.” Please get medical attention.

The other symptoms of PMS are varied, range from mild to severe, and may include: 

• Bloating
• Cramps
• Fatigue
• Acne
• Diarrhea or constipation
• Breast tenderness
• Food cravings
• Mental cloudiness

Sounds horrible, but the good news is that each of these symptoms can be improved with lifestyle changes related to nutrition, exercise, and healthy habits.If you want more information on natural remedies for PMS symptoms, watch THIS CLASS where we discuss solutions with an Integrative Medicine physician who focuses on prevention and natural treatments. 

Most of all, remember that her menstrual cycle should not interfere with her life. The more she understands her cycle, the more prepared she will be to manage it or get the help she needs. And if lifestyle and nutritional changes aren’t doing enough, her physician can provide other options to improve PMS. 

Don’t let her sit back and suffer. She has big things to do!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More