Ah! The smell of adolescence.

There’s nothing quite like the end-of-the-day funk that wafts from a pubescent kid. Some of them (younger ones usually) have no idea they stink or they just don’t care because their friends haven’t noticed.

But as kids head into middle school and beyond, body odor is a common cause for teasing, exclusion, and shaming.

Besides the usual body odor from sweaty pits and stinky feet, there are also new and strong odors from their morphing private zones. For girls, in particular, those private odors often become an embarrassment and even a source of anxiety, but some reassurance about normal healthy odors and details about basic hygiene may be all they need.

First, let me stress that there’s already too much body insecurity –  including vulvar paranoia – in our culture. Women’s bodies and body parts are constantly critiqued, compared and objectified. And crude jokes about odors and “nasty bits” only heighten a girls’ self-consciousness.

So for a LOT of young women, the answer to their worries is reassurance that healthy vaginas are not stinky and there’s nothing dirty about a vulva.

But for younger girls who are just figuring out personal hygiene, there’s a lot to learn.

Does her odor signal a vaginal infection?

In my office where we see adolescent girls in the throes of puberty, we often hear sincere questions about body odors and hygiene. The most frequent prompt for a hygiene chat is a mom or girl complaining of vaginal odor and thinking there must be an infection. 

For most preteen and young teen girls, vaginal infections (including yeast and B.V.) are rare, so usually after some questions, a quick look, and maybe testing a sample (from the outside — a vaginal exam is NOT necessary), we almost always land on “normal vaginal discharge” which is NOT a source of offensive odors.

I always emphasize that vaginal discharge has an odor, but it’s not stinky… unless it sticks around too long, and we’ll get to that. 

Then why the smell?

What most moms and girls believe is “vaginal odor” is actually a combination of sweat / body odor (and sometimes period blood) that lingers in pubic hair AND the vaginal secretions that dry up and stick around in the folds of the vulva.

Learning to manage vulvar hygiene is simple, but it boils down to a thorough “hair wash” and cleaning of the crevices. I know. There’s no easier way to say it. 

So, when it comes up (and in an adolescent gyn practice, that’s at least daily), I find myself giving the same “hygiene lesson” over and over to address body odor and the “private” odors that bother a lot of my patients.

The discussion seems to be welcomed by parents and appreciated by girls, especially when they understand WHY there’s an odor and HOW to manage it.

Here’s my rendition of “how to clean your privates” for girls

(and if you just want us to have this chat with your girl, send her to this class). 

“Your vaginal discharge is totally normal, but we still need to talk about the odors that bother you (or others). 

Puberty launches lots of new odors

First, your new body odors happen because puberty makes you sweat more than ever. It also makes your skin push out more oils which attract bacteria that create most of the stink. And this sweat and oil isn’t just happening in your armpits, it happens all over your body, and especially around your private parts and in your groin (the folds where your thighs meet your trunk).

Odors stick to oils

When these new body odors happen, the smells are always attached to oils on your skin and hair – and hair really holds onto odors! Think about this… if you have grease or oil all over your hands, how do you get it off? With just water? Nope. You have to use soap! And sometimes you have to wash twice with soap if your hands are really greasy, right?

The same thing is true for body odor – consider it oily, so you HAVE to use soap, sometimes twice, to remove the oils carrying the odor.

It takes soap to remove oils

That means the first step is to wash your whole body (except inside your vulva) WITH SOAP every day or at least most days. That includes your pubic hair, the outside of your vulva and your groin – AND I’m gonna go ahead and say your butt crack, too, because well, yeah, butts get stinky and they need soap, too.  

There are hiding places where odors like to hang out

The other thing you need to know is that your vaginal discharge only causes odor if it sticks around too long. So you have to make sure you get any dried discharge out of all the folds and creases in your vulva.

Here’s how to get rid of them

You do that by opening your labia (which requires squatting or spreading your legs), and using your hand or a washcloth and warm water (no soap inside the labia). It’s easiest in a bathtub, but you can also get the job done in the shower. If you have a detachable shower head, that can work, too. You DON’T need to put anything inside your vagina, but you do need to wash the outer and inner labia and the make sure you clean the crevices and folds in and around them. Finally, rinse well in case any soap gets in there! That skin is sensitive.

Check your work

While you’re figuring it out, you can you can look with a mirror after your bath or shower to make sure you got the dried up stuff out of there. I know – sounds awkward, but it’s your body, and it sounds to me like the odor has been awkward for you, too. 

And here’s what vulvas do NOT need

The last thing I want to tell you is that you might see products in the store called “feminine deodorant” or “douches” for cleaning the vagina. You DON’T EVER need to use those products!

First of all, your vulva isn’t supposed to smell like a flower, so there’s no need to put perfumed sprays or washes down there.

Secondly, the vagina cleans itself, and squirting water or other liquids up the vagina to “clean” it actually damage the normal healthy bacteria in there and increase the risk for vaginal infections. Your vagina is a self-cleaning organ, but your vulva is not (and you know the difference, right?)

You’re not alone, and you’ve got this!

I’ll stop now (smile). But don’t be embarrassed at all that we had this talk. You wouldn’t believe how many girls have the same issue at your age. Before now, you never had to pay much attention to washing down there, but puberty is a gamechanger – and there’s  a lot to learn. But I think you’re going to get through it just fine!”

_____

Download the Girlology App in the app store or on google play.

‘Tis the season for shopping guides, and Girlology is back at it with our 2024 gift guide for growing girls! If your daughter has too many Tik Tok inspired fashion and beauty items on her list — we’ve got you! Dive into our list that’s focused on supporting her growing body and brain (🤫 you don’t have to tell her that). Once again, presented in 10 categories to inspire your own ideas as well — we wish you happy shopping! 

 

Train her Brain

Reduce her risk for body image struggles with our newest class for girls: How to Like Your Body. It’s led by young adults who have practiced the skills and will teach your girl HOW to change her mindset, drop self-judgment, and learn to value being strong over skinny, confident over pretty.

Legos have grown as much as she has, and for big kids (and adults) you can find Lego sets for everything from flowers to robotic machines to VanGogh paintings.

Similar to leggos but more mechanical, we love this wooden mechinical puzzle that she can make into a roller coaster for marbles, or a music box…this is definitely a STEM gift for the whole family!

Jigsaw Puzzles support mindfulness and spatial thinking skills, and Jiggies are a favorite! Plus they’re so fulfilling!

Memory games like Brainbolt 

Board games like Codenames or Trekking the National Parks involve strategy, but are simple to learn, educational, and great for tweens to adults. 

And for the budding video creator in your family, look at this Stop Motion animation Kit.

 

Support her Creativity

Craft kit, like this one that teaches her how to Crochet

Photo printer or sticker printer — both are wildly poopular!

Lessons in any artform! Music, dance, drums, theater, pottery, songwriting

Beginner Guitar starter set (for your Swiftie)

Art supplies are our favorite evergreen gift!

 

Boost her Vitamin N (nature!)

Terrarium kit

Propagation station (buy one or create your own with an assortment of small jars) with cute potting containers and soil

Digital Binoculars with camera adapter

Alltrails App or a printed trail guide to local hikes

New hiking shoes or fanny pack (they’re hot right now!) for storing hiking supplies & snacks

Box of 50 Amazing Animal Facts Postcards. She can color them and then use them to write an old school note to someone (as part of a gratitude practice 😉).  

 

Nurture her Mindfulness

Headspace or Calm app

Singing bowl

Meditation cushion

Aroma therapy diffuser

Adult coloring book 

Glitter jar (you’ll have to make this one – instructions in an old newsletter linked here!) 

Gratitude journal

 

Encourage Movement

Lessons in a sport she might want to try

Flying Orb Hover Ball 

Light up basketball 

Disc golf set

Portable (and waterproof) speaker she can take on the go

Sports wear

Skates, scooter, skateboard (Dr. Trish says nothing motorized please!)

 

Connect with Her

Give her a Girlology membership and watch a Girlology class together! 

Tickets to an event you’ll experience together: music, festival, play, dance performance, horse show, dog show, convention for her hobby

Donate to her favorite charity and give a coupon to volunteer there together.

Games are always a great way to connect. Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza is mindless fun & laughter for everyone (plus it only takes about 15 minutes)! 

Trips: weekend getaway, tourist in your own town, stay with a friend and explore their town.

Shared journal – leave notes, questions, or prompts for each other

Certificate for night out once a month and let her pick the activity!

 

Help her with Hygiene Hacks

Bright Girl Skin care. Use our discount code: 

Electric toothbrush and floss!

Personal hair trimmer

Girlology class on hygiene 

Puberty kit (for younger girls): bras, gentle body cleansers, deodorant/antiperspirant, razors, shaving cream, shampoo, conditioner, hair ties, lip gloss, water bottle, sunscreen.

Sleep kit – mask, comfy pjs, and a squishy or soft blanket, and white noise machine. For tips on improving her sleep habits go HERE.

 

Reinforce her Responsibility

A pet?!

Let her plan (or help plan) a trip itinerary from beginning to end

Cook book and money to buy plan, and prepare 1 meal per week

A big white board for all her lists and planning!

Coupons for “life lessons” from friends, neighbors, family members to teach her skills like changing a tire, hanging pictures, cooking, building a fire, using a fire extinguisher, putting gas in a car, reading a map, using a power tool, etc.

Open a checking account with a debit card or a Venmo Teen Account

Birdie personal safety alarm

Mini waffle maker and mini spatula to help her make her own breakfast

Scrunchie with hidden zipper pocket for stashing her door key.

 

Enhance her Education

Audible membership

Library card

Kindle

Gift Card to Independent Book Store (and a copy of our latest book, Youology)

Gift of Girlology! (Discount code is active!)

Tickets to a museum that features something she’s interested in

 

Personalized Gifts

Customized neon sign – family motto, favorite saying, or her name!

Necklace with her name or birth year

Custom paint by number kit of a favorite photo

Star Chart of her birth date

Personalized coordinates jewelry featuring hometown or another special place

Anything Monogramed towels, bags, purses, shower wrap, you name it!

 

For the holidays or any occasion, we hope these gift ideas help you support and stay connected with her through all of her growing years! What would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

Warm weather is here — it’s time yet again for adventures in hair removal. And maybe this year you have a newbie comrade in the battle of the bush. You’re at Target trying on bathing suits with your 12-year-old daughter and you notice some new hair sprouting around her undies. Or your 13-year-old daughter is sitting Indian-style next to the pool and, lo and behold, there’s moss around her bikini line. How should you best approach a subject that may be awkward for both of you?

Chances are, your tween or teen daughter already has some awareness of pubic hair care, from Tik Tok, discussions with friends, or by observing your anatomy and habits. She may already be be performing some type of grooming on her own. It’s important to talk about safe & effective methods so you can help her avoid ingrown hairs or other uncomfortable outcomes. It’s even MORE important to make sure she’s making this decision based on her own preferences, NOT pressure from others. 

Understandably, many girls want to get rid of unwanted hair that might poke out of a bathing suit, but removing all of the hair down there can cause rashes, ingrown hairs, or skin infections that can become abscesses. Removing all of it can also set her up for irritation from the chronic moisture of sweat and vaginal discharge that has nowhere to go. Besides, there’s a purpose for pubic hair: it reduces friction, protects skin, and helps prevent bacteria from reaching more sensitive areas.

So first of all, pick a time and place that’s private (not at the pool when you first notice it!). Reassure her that “hair down there” is natural and normal — everybody’s got it, and whether or not she wants to do anything about it is a matter of personal preference.

Upon hearing the words “pubic hair,” she might just roll her eyes and run in the other direction. Be patient. Give her some time if she’s not engaged when you first bring it up, but try to find a time to share some of these tips if she wants to do a bit of grooming down there:

Before the task:

• Pick a spot such as the shower or tub — tiny hairs can be hard to clean up.
• Use a hand mirror to check out her anatomy. Trimming blindly can lead to snipping her labia (ouch) or result in removing more hair than she planned.

Trimming:

• It’s easier to trim dry hair.
• Use scissors with blunted edges and that are small enough to maneuver around corners. No pointy nail scissors in this area.
• It’s even safer to use a small electric hair trimmer with a guard over the blades. This offers protection and a uniform length. Do not use an electric razor with rotating heads… ouch!

Shaving:

• Use a new, clean razor. No sharing razors or using a dull one in this area. Pubic hair is thicker and coarser than other body hair requires a sharp blade for clean cuts.
• Clean the skin with soap and water before shaving. Some girls like to soak in a warm bath or shower to soften the hair and reduce irritation to the skin. A little exfoliation before shaving may also help reduce irritation or ingrown hairs.
• Always shave wet.
• If the hair is really long, consider trimming first and shaving second. 
• Always shave in the same direction the hair grows. This will help prevent razor rash and ingrown hairs. Unscented shaving cream or gels may also help lift the hairs off the skin making a close trim easier. 
• Rinse the razor after each swipe.
• Use the other hand to pull the skin tight in areas of loose skin or folds.
• Finish with a splash of cold water and a good unscented lotion or moisturizer that contains vitamin E or aloe.

If she asks about more permanent ways to remove hair, here are a few methods to consider:

Hair removal creams or depilatories: 

These chemically dissolve the hair to the level of the skin (and they’re obviously pretty harsh chemicals – not our favorite). Some girls like this method because it lasts about two weeks, but many more complain about the tingling or burning pain it causes. If your daughter decides to try it, make sure she performs a spot test first in case a reaction develops. Do not use these around the vaginal opening.

Waxing:

Warm wax is applied to the area and covered with a strip of paper. Once the wax cools, the paper is quickly removed, pulling the hair out at the root. This method lasts longer than shaving or depilatories but regrowth can cause irritation and ingrown hairs.

Make sure to go to an experienced aesthetician. Bad burns can occur if the wax is too hot for young girls’ skin. Other methods that pull the hair out from the root include tweezing, sugaring, threading or a tool called an epilator. 

Laser and other permanent hair removal methods

Laser treatments have come a long way, and some are even available for at-home use. Just a word of caution — be wary of these during the teen years, because it’s not uncommon for teens to get a little over-zealous with hair removal, and remember – there’s a purpose for her pubic hair! Plus styles or opinions will probably change over time, and it’s always good to have options. 

Girls will have different opinions about what’s right for them. Just make sure they’re grooming for their own comfort and choice, not because of pressure from anyone else. Hair that bothers you may not bother her, so try not to project your opinions or possible dislike of body hair. It’s important to talk about it so she knows she has options and understands proper methods as well as the pros and cons of each. Most important, make sure she knows whatever she chooses is acceptable. All’s fair in the battle of hair.

Get the Girlology App on Google Play or in the App Store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

 I meet a lot of parents through Girlology and in my own community who still assume their child’s school will teach them something about puberty and reproductive health. That’s a pretty normal expectation. In fact, according to Girlology’s recent research, over 50% of moms agreed that their friends primarily rely on schools for this type of education. 

Do YOU think that’s happening?

Honestly, in the U.S. sex education in schools is struggling big time. Teachers certainly want to do right by their students, but when it comes to sex education, there are too many hurdles and inconsistencies, including these:

Only 25 states in the U.S. even require sex + HIV education.* 

And only 18 of those require that it’s medically accurate.* 

Say what? 

Isn’t accuracy a thing in schools? 

And what about teacher certification? Nope. 

Although some school districts have health educators that are qualified and comfortable teaching sex ed, more often than not, this essential knowledge is delivered by reluctant and unsupported teachers who are basically handed the job whether they want it or not.

Here’s another thing: if they do teach about puberty, it’s commonly in 5th grade when more than half of girls are already developing and losing confidence.

If they teach reproduction, it’s typically in 7th grade, when every kid in the class has already heard (and many have seen) ALL THE THINGS that kids share about sex…mostly attached to dirty, shameful or naughty messages.

That’s not the way I wanted my daughters to learn about their amazing bodies, the miracle of reproduction, and even their early understanding of intimacy. 

You, too? 

Then when is the right time to start?
Well, as early as you can, but definitely now. 😬 It’s never too late.

As a parent, and as a physician, one of my big goals is to do better by young people by giving them accurate information and honest answers to their questions about their bodies, sex, and sexuality BEFORE they see it online or hear it from peers, siblings, crushes, or Tik Tok’s self-proclaimed “sexperts.”

One of my other big goals is to help parents tackle this task with more confidence. Sometimes that means breaking the ice and getting the talking started for them. 

I say “talking” because it’s not “A TALK,” it’s an ongoing conversation that is a lot easier to continue than it is to start. Age-appropriate education means introducing topics in simple ways, then layering details and complexities year after year as they mature. 

So if you’re wondering WHEN to start, check out this tip: When Should I Talk to My Kids About Sex?

And if you want help starting “the talking,” we’ve got your back with our on-demand class: The Science of Reproduction.

• We’ll say all the words, 
• provide the details, 
• dispel the myths,
• and leave you to share your own family values that only you know best. 

Give her a little time to process what she’s learned. Then, when she has questions, the class also includes a downloadable Q&A that can help you through the most common questions we get from kids. 

It’s a great way to start, and we’ll be here to help you keep it going through ALL the talking!

If you want to see all the content we offer on puberty and sex ed (we organize it in grade-level playlists for age-appropriate, year-after-year layering), download our free app, and take a look at our titles.

Once you become a member, you’ll have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

* Guttmacher Institute

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

The last time you posted a smiling photo of your daughter (or yourself) on social media, did the comments go something like this… 

Beautiful …Gorgeous …So pretty … Beautiful inside and out… ?

Can we stop?

Sure, it’s nice to pay compliments. Sometimes people really do look great, and pointing that out can lift them up. More often though, I think we rattle off appearance-related flattery as a quick and mindless way to acknowledge that we “see” them and we’re paying attention. But what are we paying attention to?

As adults, hopefully we all know by now that our worth is not based on our appearance (even though society has told us otherwise for eons). But just in case you still struggle with this, let me assure you that we are important to others because we love, we give, we help, we DO things that matter.

If that statement summons a “yes!” in your head, how long did it take for you to really believe this about yourself? Adulthood? 

Our daughters and their friends deserve to learn this important lesson earlier in life, and a good place to start is to change the way we notice them. 🔎

 

Here’s why it’s important:

During adolescence, along with their body changes comes brain-based development that tosses them some existential questions: 

• Who Am I? 
• What do I have to offer? 
• Do I matter? 

The answers they tell themselves (based on input from others) become the foundation for their self-confidence and self-worth.

When we repeatedly compliment girls on their appearance, they answer those questions with all the wrong answers: I am someone people like to look at. I have my looks to offer. I matter more when people see me as beautiful.

Yikes. 😧

 

Here’s what they need: 

They need you to pay closer attention and give honest compliments, because adolescent girls also have a very strong b.s. monitor. When an adult, particularly a parent, says something shallow or insincere, her alarms are going off. 🚨

In fact, research tells us that when we tell a girl something that is not in line with what she already believes, she creates counter-arguments in her head, and she always wins. “No, I’m not.” “That’s a lie.” “You’re just saying that.” Her retorts are more believable to her, and your compliment ends up creating the opposite effect of what you intended.

 

Here’s how to do it better:

So is it hopeless to give a girl compliments? Not if they’re sincere. But even if she IS physically beautiful, don’t let that be the thing you comment on first or most often. Instead, look deeper; notice the things that excite her; watch for the victories that matter to her – and start there. Give her less attention for her looks, and learn to grow her confidence in ways that are more specific and meaningful: 

✅ doing something well

✅ taking healthy risks

✅ pursuing a passion

✅ working toward a goal

And if you’re on social media and see a smiling photo of a girl or woman, I challenge you to comment on something other than the way she looks. 

Need some ideas? Here’s our compliment bank. We’d love to have you contribute by adding yours in the comments!

Caring・Happy・ Genuine・ Creative・ Independent・ Strong・ Brave・ Loyal・ Curious・ Thoughtful・ Careful・ Confident・ Powerful・ Clever・ Fierce・ Loving・ Kind・ Smart・ Inspiring・ Funny・ Athletic・ Engaged・ Fascinating・ Refreshing・ Calm・ Considerate・ Inclusive・ Courteous・ Friendly・Connected Unique・ Energetic・ Capable・ Passionate・ Helpful・ Interesting・ Faithful・ Adventurous・ Courageous・Tough・Gentle・Efficient・ Gracious・ Respectful・Talented・ Entertaining・ Compassionate・ Joyful・ Brilliant・ Meticulous・ Hard-working・ Special・ Honest・ Radiant・ Resilient・ Cheerful・ Charming・ Kind-hearted・ Perseverant・ Generous・ Tolerant・ Intelligent ・Giving・ Witty・ Lively・ Amusing・ Focused・ Impressive・ Diligent・ Energetic・ Thoughtful・ Delightful・ Gracious・ Lovely・ Refreshing・ Engaging・ Captivating・ Lovable・

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others? Learn More 

In the past week, I’ve heard the term “detox” from three highly intelligent people whom I fear have been bamboozled by the wellness industry. They were spending money on teas, supplements, and meal plans to jumpstart their new year with a “cleansing.” One was detoxing with her adolescent daughter (which could actually create toxicity by encouraging restrictive eating).

There are a lot of ways I could have replied to that, but I took a deep breath and just shared MY favorite detox pointers.

• There is no supplement, diet, or drink that will detox her body better than her own liver and kidneys. 
• Her liver and kidneys can use some detox support, but it doesn’t come from herbs or liquid diets.
• The best ways to detox her body and support her natural detoxing organs are to help her establish healthy habits around sleep, movement, nutrition, and emotional coping. 

I know. An herbal tea would be so much easier. 

But if the new year is motivating you to create positive change in your life, it’s a great time to take an assessment and make a plan together. If you truly want to help her detox from things that are harming her or holding her back, here are 4 sure ways to do that:

• Help her detox from unhealthy friendships
• • • As our daughters leave childhood behind, it’s common for their friendships to shift. Help her understand that “friends” that don’t make her feel respected, heard, or cared for, are not true friends. Many of the mental health issues that affect adolescent girls stem from friendship (or “frenemy”) challenges. 
    • To detox from unhealthy friendships, start conversations about what she needs and hopes for as she makes new friends or carries old friends into the new year and beyond. 
    • Normalize friendship “break ups” as sometimes necessary and liberating. 
    • And help her learn how to be a good friend to others. If you’d like help with this, our Friendship Matters class and workbook, are great resources and conversation guides. 

• Help her edit her social media influences to boost the positive and reduce the negative

• • Encourage her to unfollow accounts that leave her feeling like she’s not good enough or thin enough or popular enough. Instead, simply adding 2-3 new accounts that are uplifting or inspiring can help boost her confidence and happiness.
  • Self-criticism is clearly toxic, but self-acceptance requires practice. For tips on HOW to start that practice, THIS Girlology TV episode offers great information!
    

• Talk with her about avoiding known toxins like vaping and other substance use. 

• • The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends we talk with our kids about substance use starting at age 11. Substance use disorder experts say 9 is a better age. Either way – there are age appropriate chats you can have at any age.
  • Even though we think our kids KNOW better than to vape, try alcohol, or eat THC gummies, our kids gather a LOT of ideas from what they see in their families and communities.
  • If you have kids or teens, do not keep pain meds or other unneeded prescription medications in your home. Here’s why and how.
  • Make sure your kids know not to consume any “candy” that they find or that someone gives them without checking with you. From marijuana gummies to fentanyl, accidental ingestion of substances by children and teens has skyrocketed over the past few years resulting in vastly higher rates of emergency room visits, overdose treatments, and deaths. 

• Reduce her exposure to environmental toxins 

• • This sounds overwhelming, but most environmental toxins are attributed to exposures that are not that difficult to avoid or remove. Simple changes, like eliminating plastic food storage containers, changing air filters, and washing hands can have a big impact.
  • Check out THIS TIP For more information on WHY this matters (especially for girls) and other ways to reduce her exposures.

So, forget the herbal teas, the sweatboxes, and restrictive diets. The best detoxes happen when we rid ourselves of unhealthy relationships, negative self-talk, unrealistic influences, and known threats to our health.

Cheers to a safe and healthy year ahead. We’re here to help all along the way.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

A neighbor’s 13 year old daughter recently took a trip to our local urgent care center because of pain in the lower part of her belly. The pain was sharp and shooting, on her left side. She’s a tough kid, but it was enough to make her cry.

After her evaluation and a pelvic ultrasound turned up nothing worrisome, she was told she “probably had ruptured an ovarian cyst.” 

Maybe. But probably not.

Belly pain in teens can cause a lot of concern and confusion. Concern because there are a lot of vital parts housed in the abdomen. Confusion because the pain isn’t always felt exactly over it’s source, and the intensity doesn’t always match the seriousness of the cause. Horrible pain can result from something as simple as gas; and appendicitis pain can be mild and vague. It’s confusing even for doctors.

On top of that, if your child happens to be a reproductive age female, (and as a member of our community, that’s pretty likely), let me just tell you now that whenever she has pain below her belly button, it is highly likely that someone will blame that pain on her ovaries. 

Even though it’s definitely possible, I want to make sure you don’t ovary-act (get it?) until you know more. 

Remember the book, “If You Give  a Mouse a Cookie?” Sometimes it can be like that.

🍪 If a a reproductive age female sees a doctor for pain that involves anything below her belly button, it is very likely that someone will order an ultrasound.

🍪 If she gets an ultrasound, they will probably see a cyst on her ovary — or several (small cysts on the ovaries are super common in teens). 

🍪 If they see a cyst on her ovary, it is also likely that they will blame her pain on that cyst and refer her to a gynecologist.

🍪 If she goes to the gynecologist, she is likely to learn 3 very important things that I have covered in THIS VIDEO tip. You can watch it here and avoid over reacting.

But when do we ovaryact? I mean ACT because of an ovarian issue? There are times that warrant ovary action (usually in the form of out-patient surgery)

🥚 If the cyst is large (think softball sized) and doesn’t go away on it’s own after 6-8 weeks (make sure she keeps the follow up appointments to recheck size)

🥚 If it isn’t just a thin walled cyst full of fluid, but has a thick or irregular wall or solid parts inside that are more consistent with a “tumor” (keep in mind that almost all ovarian “tumors” in adolescents are BENIGN, meaning not cancer).

🥚 If she has a cyst and develops severe pain with nausea and vomiting and there is concern for ovarian torsion (which means the ovary has twisted causing the blood vessels that serve it to also twist and reduce or block blood flow to the ovary).

OBVIOUSLY, her doctor is the best person to guide you if faced with any of these scenarios, but it’s always good to understand our ovaries!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists outlining on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Ovaries to emotions! Learn More 

October means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I want you to know that your daughters are more aware than you know, and sometimes it makes them anxious. 😥

They take in messaging about the signs of breast cancer, like knots or lumps, and they worry — especially when they have those breast “buds” that show up as hard knots beneath the nipple. 

We know they worry because we get hundreds of questions from them every month. And when we talk with girls in-person, we witness their sigh of relief once we explain that those tender, hard knots that “bud” are normal and not cancer. 

If we want to reduce girls’ anxiety, it’s important to help them worry less about their bodies. So in this breast focused month, we want to raise awareness that girls worry a lot about their breasts and they deserve answers. 

Want to know what worries them most? Below are actual questions sent to us from girls. These represent some of the more common themes they worry about. We’ve presented them word for word. Somebody please help them with punctuation and capitalization 🙃. Of course, we’ve provided links to answers you can share with her from our library. 

If you’re not yet a Girlology member, you can listen to a live discussion Dr. Trish and I had about these questions and more on Facebook HERE. We also have a helpful article for her HERE.

 Ready for the Questions?

Q: “do i need to wear a bra? how do i ask for one? HELP! im 12” 

A: Do I have to wear a bra?

 

Q: “Am i supposed to check my breasts every month and how do i do that?”

A: When should she start self breast exams? 

 

Q: “can i eat anything to make them grow or do any type of work out? please help me i don’t want to look like a pancake none of my tops fit me because i have nothing there!!!!”

A: That question and other commons ones about size are covered in this segment of our on-demand video class, “What to Expect When Your Breasts Bud.”

 

Q: “I have a knot under my nipple and i’m scared its cancer and how do i tell my mum?”

A: Should I worry about a knot under her nipple? 

 

Q: “If the bud is gone will they still grow?”

A: This one’s also covered in this class.

 

Q: “I’m 12 and already a 34D it’s really embarrassing at school (7th grade) because of boys. My mom said if they get bigger I might need a reduction which I’m scared about.”

A: Help for girls with larger breasts

I think we could all use a little less worry in our lives, and there are a LOT more questions like these. Help your daughter get the information she needs to feel confident about her changing body. Girlology is here to guide and support you.

One more thing… if you’re over 40 and haven’t had a mammogram, make that appointment, and talk with your doctor about your individualized breast cancer risk assessment. That will help your daughter worry less about YOU (remember, they’re more aware than you realize)! 💝

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists outlining on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

We all have a basic human need for physical affection – to be touched in ways that feel safe and comforting, or sometimes in ways that simply create pleasure. 

A back rub can be relaxing. 👍🏼

A long hug – nourishing. 😌

Scratching an itch – incredibly satisfying. 😬

And whether someone else is helping, or we’re handling it ourselves, there are some things that just feel sooooooooo gooood. Right? 😊

So, we need to talk about self-touch. Masturbation. It’s a topic that so many parents tell me they have trouble with – especially when they think about their little girl having big girl desires. 😳

But let me help reduce some of the awkwardness by reminding you that your adolescent is already aware that touching her own genitals feels great. She’s known since she was a baby.

We tend to smile knowingly when our babies discover their genitals during diaper changes. And I’ve definitely laughed with other moms over the ways we discovered our preschoolers asleep with their favorite lovie stuffed in their underwear. 🧸

Little kids are unapologetic about the pleasure of masturbation (that’s why we had to teach them where and when it’s appropriate). 

It’s a self-soothing behavior for children.

It’s the same for adolescents, and it only becomes awkward if we make it that way. So I encourage you to have a matter-of-fact conversation about it with your budding teen.

No, you don’t have to teach them HOW.

You don’t even have to encourage it. 

But I do suggest that you have a conversation about it so you can acknowledge that it’s normal, offer permission, and reassure her that she should have no embarrassment about exploring her body in a way that feels good to her. 

As my own daughters entered the teen years and began to show interest in romantic affection with a partner, I made a point to tell each one that she could probably make her body feel better sexually than an awkward teenaged partner could – and that it’s perfectly fine and even preferred for her to figure out “those feelings” on her own before letting someone else try to figure it out for her. 

It may feel awkward to share that as a parent, but it’s true – so why not reassure her that it’s not only fine, it’s a good idea when sexual desires emerge (which is developmentally NORMAL & EXPECTED). 

Girls who grow up feeling aware and informed about their bodies and how they work have greater confidence and feel more agency over their own bodies as they enter future relationships. 💪🏼

If you need extra support for this conversation, we have more help HERE and HERE. You’ve got this! 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

My two older daughters were close in age 👭, and they shared a friend, Liza🚶🏽‍♀️, who had two younger brothers👬 and no sisters. My girls had no brothers. Liza loved spending time at our house because we had Breyer horses, a play kitchen, and a pair of very entertaining miniature donkeys. I loved sending my girls to Liza’s house where they were exposed to penises.

 

😳 Wait. Let me explain that better.

The penises belonged to Liza’s two and four year old brothers who were frequently scampering through the house naked or peeing in the yard. 😅

Liza’s mom and I felt pretty resourceful. 

Liza learned about reproduction (you mean they’re not dancing?) from our donkeys and thought it was cool.🤰🏻✨ My girls saw penises frequently enough to settle their curiosity and recognize a penis as just another body part. 🍆 🤷🏻‍♀️  

Over years of helping thousands of children prepare for puberty and grow in body confidence, I know this for sure: kids are not just curious about how their own bodies will change, they ask a ton of questions about how puberty affects other kids.

How much should they learn about each other? 

You know my answer: 

ALL of it. 

Menstruation and vulvas shouldn’t be a mystery to half the population. Keeping it that way only perpetuates stigma and shame. Same goes for erections, wet dreams, and gynecomastia (when pubertal boys transiently develop breast tissue – about HALF of them will).  

When every child understands what happens to all bodies in puberty, they are more understanding and less self-conscious. They begin to recognize that everybody has some pretty interesting and strange new things going on. They become more accepting of their own changes, and more supportive for their friends.  

So, even though we are GIRLology, we also have an on-demand class and activity book on BOYS’ PUBERTY, called GUYology. It’s led by Dr. Trish and Dr. Matt – who you and your kids will love! We created it because so many parents asked for it (and we’ve been teaching it in-person for over a decade!). It was created for boys, but if your daughters are curious, it’s a YES 🙌🏽 from me! If you have friends with sons in 4th-6th grade, please share! 

And if you’re looking for one resource that covers puberty for ALL bodies, check out our book You-ology: A Puberty Guide for Every Body, written by us and published by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More