Don’t you hate it when she misses out on something fun or important? 

We worry enough about our daughters’ social media generated FOMO (fear of missing out), but I think there’s a FOHMO (fear of HER missing out) that we parents have, even though we understand that missing out on things is just part of life; they can’t do everything. 

But… 

I want my daughters to have every opportunity to learn, to have fun, to belong, to try new things. And when they miss out, I sometimes find myself feeling disappointed, even a little anxious. 

Is that FOHMO or is it just being a Mama Bear? 

When I worry she’s missing something important, I hear my own anxieties as a nagging voice in my head – “ Will missing that make her feel like an outsider?” “How can she make up for that missed opportunity?” or “What if she doesn’t get another chance to experience that?”

I know – my internal voice is tough!

Obviously, we can “what if…” ourselves into full blown anxiety if we don’t learn to control what we CAN control and let go of what we CAN’T control. 

Even as I raise my third daughter, I find this to be a personal challenge as well as a pretty universal parenting challenge. Don’t we all want to provide as many opportunities as we can to prepare them for a confident, healthy, and bright future? 

When I’m feeling anxious about her missing out on something, I try to stay grounded by doing these two things:

1.) Check my own parenting anxieties against what is truly going to protect and prepare her. Am I anxious because I feel pressure to look good as a parent, or is it because I am honestly concerned that she will suffer significantly? I emphasize significantly because some degree of suffering is inevitable and even necessary in life. That may sound harsh, but if you want to know more, check out our most recent Girlology TV interview on Reducing Anxiety with clinical psychologist, Dr. Cora Ezzell.  

2.) Keep things factual, realistic, and as practical as possible. What are the facts? Are there other opportunities that would provide a similar experience? Is there a different approach? Is it worth the trouble?

It’s a lot to think about, but the more I practice, the faster it happens in my head, and the better prepared I feel to help her (and myself) manage the missing out or let it go. 

So in the vein of things we CAN control, let me exchange my mama bear coat for my white coat and tell you the most important thing you can do right now to keep her from missing out on learning, having fun, and trying new things is to protect her from the things that will make her miss out. 

So, take her to get her flu shot. 

Seriously. It’s that time of year.

Influenza causes more “missing out” than mean girls’ birthday parties! 

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

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Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

In the coming weeks, more than ever, we need to pay attention to our health – mental and physical. I know you hear that all the time, but I also know that personally, sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to lift my head and DO.THE.THINGS that I know are important (but are so easy to let slide). 

Call it a seasonal reset, but it’s more than just Fall y’all. Election season + flu/RSV/Covid season add more urgency to the effort. 

A couple weeks ago, I sat down and made a list of things I’m committed to (or recommitting to). Four things on my list are so simple and probably have the best return on investment.

✅ I’ve muted or deleted a bunch of accounts on my social media channels and replied STOP to the unwanted political texts. Maybe I’m late to this insight, but when I scroll, I want to be inspired, entertained, or educated, and not feel infuriated, insulted, or incredulous. Keeping politics AND “self-improvement” posts out of my feed is good for my wellbeing right now. As I opt for humor, authenticity, and inspiration, I also find that I’m spending less time scrolling because I feel good, and I move on. When I’m fuming over frustrating content, I tend to spend more time in my head arguing or generating snarky responses – which I rarely send, btw – total waste of time and energy.

✅ I’ve extended my walking route to keep me outside longer each day. Exercise and being outdoors both have significant mental health benefits, and Fall is my favorite season. This one’s a no brainer for me. Spending more time outside watching the season unfold is like a gift. Every day, I discover some lovely surprise – subtle color changes, new Halloween decorations, a pomegranate tree full of fruit — who knew that would even grow in my neighborhood?! When we allow ourselves to be delighted, even by simple things, it can have a big impact on mood and outlook.

I also bought a couple new books on Audible that I’m really excited to listen to, and I only allow myself to listen when I’m walking. It’s my motivation and reward for getting outside to exercise. 

✅ I restocked or replaced the things I rely on to keep my house clean and my family less germy: hand sanitizer (one for each car and each backpack), tissues, cleaning supplies, hand soap (that smells like Fall), air filters. Having plenty of these things on hand and a few fun variations gives me peace of mind. 

✅ I got my flu & Covid vaccines (and made sure my entire family got theirs). Getting sick this time of year can be confusing with Influenza, RSV, and Covid having so many overlapping symptoms. Getting your seasonal vaccines protects you and the people around you and it can reduce the strain on healthcare systems. Plus, nobody likes missing out on Fall fun because they’re sick. Flu before “BOO!” has been a mantra for years, but since it’s already Halloween, just make a plan to get it soon if you haven’t already!

I hope in this confluence of seasons, you’re making the effort to stay healthy and to be your daughters’ greatest influencer when it comes to health and wellness.

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

 I prefer the term “vigilant” over “paranoid,” but I worry about depression – a lot. With 3 daughters, it’s a personal worry. With thousands of female adolescent patients, it’s also a professional worry. 

Why do I worry? 

📌 It’s common. Among teens, 1 in 7 will have a diagnosis of depression, but less than half will get treatment.

📌 It’s tricky. Depression can look different in teens than in adults, and they’re great at camouflaging their symptoms.

📌 Girls are particularly at risk. After puberty, depression is almost 3 times more common in girls than boys.

📌 It shows up early. Among adults with depression or anxiety, over half of them had symptoms by age 14.

And my biggest fear? 😱

It’s not the diagnosis of depression, it’s that the depression goes UNTREATED, because treatments are very effective, especially when started promptly after the onset of symptoms. But if it’s not treated, long-standing depression can lead to other serious health problems and lifelong struggles.

So the obvious question is, “Can we PREVENT depression in the first place?” 

There’s actually some good news. 

• When we equip children with emotional coping skills, mindfulness practices, and mental wellness awareness, we can reduce the occurrence of both anxiety and depression. Girlology has  lots of tips and discussions in the app to guide you and help her with those skills.

• When we give girls a new way to think about their body without defaulting to the way it looks as a source of happiness, we  can help them build a foundation that prioritizes their  experiences and abilities over appearances. That helps reduce body dissatisfaction which is a big trigger for anxiety in many girls. Watch for Girlology’s new body image class for girls – it will do exactly that (arriving Oct 1 for members!).

• When we destigmatize  mental health care is also a way to reduce the consequences of mental health struggles. Make sure she knows that caring for her mental health and getting help when there’s a problem is just as important and necessary as taking care of her body and getting treatments when she’s physically sick. 

Obviously, genetics matter, and some things are just not in our control, however there are definitely some steps you can take to protect her mental health now and in the future. This tip will get you started.

As vigilant moms, we need to be well-prepared to recognize depression symptoms and know what to DO (or not do) to support her, get it treated, and help our girls thrive. 

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

by Cara Reeves, PhD, Girlology’s Director of Mental Wellness

I admit it; I’m obsessed with the new Inside Out 2 movie. As a psychologist, I have to say that the creators (Dave Holstein, Kelsey Mann, Megan LeFauve) NAILED IT! The story gives a perfect depiction of the complexity, unpredictability and intensity of teenage emotions. We can all learn from it. 

If you haven’t seen it yet (SPOILER ALERT), the movie picks up as the main character, Riley (now 13), transitions into puberty – bringing along a host of new, strong, mercurial emotions: Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment and Ennui (boredom).  

The new emotions quickly take over Riley’s mental “headquarters” and wreak havoc in her life at the worst possible time – during a three day tryout for her high school ice hockey team. Not only is she juggling some pretty challenging friendship dynamics and vying for a position on the team, she is also trying to understand the new, BIG, feelings that are bubbling up AND trying to figure out what to do about them. These new feelings make her question herself. Do they mean she isn’t the person she thought she was? 

The storyline is an INSIDE look (hence the name INSIDE OUT) at what goes on in the teenage mind.  

Adolescence is a time of constant change and growth.  As soon as kids (and their parents) think they’ve figured things out and settled into a groove….

WHOOSH!!!!

…the rug gets pulled out from under them, and they are back to figuring things out again. 

As these emotional shifts happen, kids don’t understand why they are SOOO upset about a bad hair day or SOOO nervous about a dance recital or SOOO mad at their brother. The movie does a great job highlighting this internal struggle as emotions quickly take over and overwhelm unsuspecting Riley.  

As a psychologist, I love the visual representation of the different emotions. They are PART of Riley, but they don’t define who Riley IS as a person (that’s actually her Sense of Self). 

Particularly notable is the way the movie shows that the RIGHT amount of emotion can serve an important purpose, but TOO MUCH for TOO LONG can create a problem. I do, however, wish that there was more of an emphasis on how Riley learns to manage her emotions. What if her Sense of Self had been the main character who manages the emotions? Ah, but maybe I’m moving into therapy mode and should leave the role-selection process to the creators.

As a mom, I love that the movie reminded me how fickle, intense and disorienting teenage emotions can be and that I shouldn’t get too worked up about it (that’s my OWN anxiety taking the helm and planning for the worst case scenario).  Rather, I should try to enjoy the roller coaster, be present, and appreciate the highs, while at the same time be a steady and supportive presence during the twists, turns and lows. 

Another crucial lesson for parents: we cannot figure this out for them!  Our kids have to figure out how to manage their big emotions on their own. Our job is to allow them to have new life experiences (Riley’s parents allowed her to go to ice hockey tryouts even in the midst of some super intense teen angst), but be a safe place for them when they are in need of love, guidance and support.  

There are so many great reminders and lessons throughout the movie. Here are a few more of the highlights:

😀 All emotions (even the uncomfortable ones) serve a purpose!

😭 It’s not good to bottle uncomfortable emotions and hide from bad memories.  

😟 You can’t expect to be happy ALL the time….that just isn’t normal or healthy!

😳 If big emotions stay around too long it can be a problem, so it is important to learn how to manage them.

😋 Your sense of self (who you are) changes/evolves over time as you gain new experiences, memories and emotions.  

🫣 Anxiety is future-oriented, has a lot of energy and can be VERY misleading!

I highly recommend seeing the movie with your kids)! It offers some great discussion springboards and essential lessons to help us all raise emotionally healthy teens (and even gain some personal insights to help).  

For more great tips and insights from Dr. Cara Reeves, Girlology’s Director of Mental Health, become a Girlology member. Did you know Girlology offers grade-by-grade video playlists to support her and you — on ALL.THE.TOPICS from mental health to puberty, periods, skin care, body image and more! Learn More Here.

As parents, we work hard to find the right pediatrician for our babies – one that we trust to care for our precious littles and support us as parents. But as our littles become bigs – it may be time to reassess the fit for your family. Lots of wonderful pediatricians transition to teen care beautifully, but sometimes your child may deserve a different provider. 

When my daughter hit 12, and definitely by 13, I expected her to have some “alone time” with her doctor, but the visits went by with me in the room. Honestly, it didn’t bother me too much. I mean, she had ME. I was talking with her about ALL.THE.THINGS, and I’m pretty sure her pediatrician knew that..  

But at the 14 year old visit (high school, right?), her doctor asked her all the questions about depression, sexual activity, and substance use IN FRONT OF ME. 🙅🏻‍♀️😶 

I have to say I was not happy. As a teen, my daughter deserves to have confidential conversations with a doctor SHE trusts. Ignoring the importance of confidentiality is not the way to build trust with tweens and teens. And trust ME – they need as many trusted adults as they can find (have I said trust enough?).

Many parents might believe they SHOULD be present for those questions, but we know in adolescent medicine that it’s not a good idea. We’ve all had too many discussions with absolutely great kids who were not being honest with their parent about things like vaping, alcohol, sex, or even their depression and anxiety symptoms.

As a mom, I know we don’t want to think about our kids hiding their risky behaviors or deep feelings from us, but sometimes they just do.

They don’t want to disappoint us. 

They don’t want to get in trouble. 

They don’t want another lecture.

They don’t think it’s a big deal.

But here’s the thing about confidential medical care: when a healthcare provider ensures confidentiality and can have a heart to heart talk with them, they open up and are amazingly honest. And I’ve never met a healthcare provider for teens that wasn’t dead set on helping them follow a path toward safety and wellness. We’re all on the same team. (Btw, if a young person discloses thoughts or behaviors that are life-threatening for themself or others, doctors are required to report that to a parent and/or the appropriate authorities). 

So – back to my story… 

I asked my daughter if she thought most teens give honest answers when they were asked those questions in front of a parent. 

She just 😂🤣🤭.

So, for her 15 year old check up, I took her to her new pediatrician. Her new doc spent a chunk of time with us together, gathering medical history and asking about my concerns, then she said BUH BYE 👋🏼 to me, and whisked my girl off for a separate chat, making her feel confident about her confidentiality.

On the way home, of course I asked what they talked about. 

Her reply? 

“That was between me and Dr Natalie. I don’t have to tell you.” (btw – that’s SO 15!). 

Perfect answer. I trust that I’ll be informed if there are serious concerns, but now, I know my teen has a trusted healthcare provider she can confide in, and I know she’ll get advice that is focused on helping her stay safe, informed, and healthy.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. ✅

Did you know Girlology offers grade-by-grade video playlists to support her and you — on ALL.THE.TOPICS she should be talking with her doctor about! Learn More Here.

Those moods. As a parent, you watch them morph as your daughter cartwheels into adolescence and then slams the door in your face. 

Sometimes she’s her “usual” self. 😊 Sometimes she’s so …  👹 🐍 🥊 🎭 🛸 🗯 🤷🏾‍♀️.

There’s no doubt it worries you. We hear it all the time, “Is she just moody or could it be depression?”

YES to both. 

✅ Yes, she’s moody; bigger moods and rapid emotional surges 🎢 are a normal part of adolescent brain development (not just because of hormones!). I’ll be talking about that in an upcoming blog. She needs to learn how to manage her difficult emotions.

✅ Yes, it could be depression because after puberty, depression rates soar, especially for girls; we need to be vigilant and do what we can to prevent or help depression, right? 

Cue: Self Care. 

I’m not talking about cliche “treat yourself” indulgences.💅🏼🛍 True self care is taking the time to do the things that make us our best selves —  like human connections, healthy habits, taking time to reflect and plan. Self care is a powerful tool in managing moods, rising out of a mild depression, and maintaining health on a holistic level. 

In this tip Dr. Trish gives you 5 concrete and actionable ways to counter depression by guiding her toward self care. Nothing’s a quick fix, but establishing these habits can support her health long term. 

At the same time, understand the warning signs of depression because for some girls, there is no amount of self care that can prevent it or fix it.

So, back to the question all parents seem to ask at some point:

Is she just moody, or is she depressed?

Moody – grumpy, irritable, angry, crying, complaining – you know what “moody” looks like. A “depressed mood” can be part of that. If it’s normal adolescent moodiness, the “bad mood” doesn’t last long, and there are some “good moods” thrown in as well. If something fun comes along, she’s up for it. She’ll get up, get out, laugh, and participate in the stuff she usually likes to participate in. 

Depressed – can look a lot like moody, but it persists for more than a couple of weeks and begins to creep into other parts of her life to affect her sleep, activities, relationships, school work, energy level, and even her physical health. 

To add confusion, teens can be savvy about trying to get better on their own, so they may seek activities to “lift their mood.” That can look like spending more time with friends, thrill seeking, sexual behaviors, substance use. Contrary to the stereotype, a depressed teen isn’t always alone. Instead, she can actually look desperate for social connection and attention. For girls, in particular, they often seek other depressed peers and reinforce each other’s problems, sometimes intensifying the symptoms.

If your daughter is clearly having some normal adolescent moodiness, we feel you. We recommend you practice your deep breathing, calm responses, and maintaining your sense of humor. 

If you’re not sure her moods fall within the “normal” category, or if she has any other symptoms of depression, speak with her doctor or a counselor right away. 

There are many ways to successfully treat depression through talking therapy, medications, or both. With treatment, she can expect to feel better in a few weeks to months. Without treatment, depression is likely to worsen, last longer, and recur later in life. 

Remember that depression is a medical diagnosis that causes changes in the brain structure and chemistry. It is neither a weakness nor a parenting failure. 

Never ever hesitate to seek help.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

Real quick – Tell me what word you would use to label this group of emotions:

happy, joyful, confident, excited, victorious 😁

Ok, how about these?

angry, jealous, sad, lonely, scared 😭

Did you use positive and negative? Good and bad? Healthy and unhealthy?

When I ask teen girls to label them, those are the most common words I hear.

It’s easy to see why the second group is considered negative or undesirable, but honestly, they’re ALL good because they’re all necessary. It’s just that some are a lot more comfortable than others.

If we want to help our daughters manage their emotional health, we have to help them get more comfortable with uncomfortable emotions. That means we probably have some work to do ourselves, because watching our daughters when they’re hurting brings out the “fixer” in most of us. 🙋🏻‍♀️

Instead of trying to “fix” her feelings or ignore them by suggesting ice cream and new clothes, try to allow her some space and time to sit with those uncomfortable feelings (this is hard work for her and for you!).

Remind yourself that her emotions are not caused by hormones (although hormones can magnify normal emotions), and her reactions are not “silly.” Instead, remember that her emotions are responses to things she has experienced – real or perceived, and she is learning how to process those things. That takes time.

Giving her some time doesn’t mean leaving her alone for days on end. But it does mean

• giving her some time alone if she wants it,
• sitting quietly with her if she doesn’t want to talk,
• listening without fixing when she’s ready to talk, and
• helping her think through ways to feel better when she’s ready.

Sometimes she’s with her feelings for 10 minutes or less, then on to her next activity as if her emotional explosion never happened. Other times, she may need you to offer an activity or distraction if she’s lingering too long (nobody should stay too late at a pity party). 

Ok, so here comes the take home: Let’s remind our girls (and ourselves) that some emotions are uncomfortable, but the more they learn to manage them in healthy ways (talking, journaling, processing), the stronger they become. That’s how resilience works, and it’s a powerful protector. We help girls build those skills in our class, Be You.  

One more thing… speaking of emotional health, when these uncomfortable emotions happen frequently over an extended period of time (weeks), it makes us worry that she may be headed toward depression. Learn more about prevention or early intervention for depression HERE.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

If you were to take a few minutes before bed every night for a week to ponder and write down “Three Good Things” from your day, research says you’d experience an increase in happiness, hope, and optimism. If you were to stick with it longer, you’d grow resilience and you might also boost your immune system. Sound too good to be true? Three Good Things is one of the most well-known and well-studied tools of positive psychology. 

Seems like we should get our kids on board with it, right? 

So I tried.

When my kids were still in elementary school, we would do something similar at the dinner table every evening. We started each dinner by asking each person tell three good things from their day. We could hardly keep each of our girls from interrupting each other with their joyous lists of daily highlights. 🤗

Then came adolescence, and suddenly, our happy habit was “stupid” or met with silent, squinty glares. 🙄

Our forced family happiness exercise was ruining our family dinners. 

You know what else ruins a family dinner? 

The natural conversations that flow when dinner starts off with sighs and eye rolls over a happiness exercise. Next thing you know, you’re bringing up bad grades, forgotten chores, dirty rooms, and screen time.

Who wants to sit at that table? 😠😫😔

Eventually, everyone will be looking for a way out, and it becomes way too easy to let them all skip the dinner table and eat on their own schedules.

So, if you have adolescents, it’s time to be more strategic about meal time as well as the moods they may bring to the table. To help, I have two very simple recommendations:  

1.) Make the dinner table a place where the adults are not allowed to make any negative comments or observations. If the kids bring up emotionally charged topics. This is your chance to practice the 5 tips we shared in our Girlology TV episode on puberty, moods & attitudes. Members can watch it HERE.

2). Make eating together a priority whenever you can, because shared mealtime PROTECTS our kids from many of the things we worry about. Like what? Depression, disordered eating, unhealthy risk taking and it BOOSTS a lot of qualities we hope for, like self esteem, vocabulary, and even academic performance. Members can learn more about the benefits of shared mealtimes in our tip, Family Meals are Good Medicine. Even a couple times a week helps, and the meal doesn’t always have to be dinner! 

What works for you and your kids at mealtimes? Let us know in the comments! 🍴🥗🍕🍛🧇

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE.