One afternoon when I was driving carpool, my daughter’s friend was telling us about how much she enjoys running cross country. She listed several things that make it her favorite sport—being outside in nature, running with friends, getting exercise—but one of those things was “and I don’t have my period during cross country season. It’s great!“

To which the other three girls in the car reacted with jealous comments that they might join cross country for that!

As an ob-gyn, I wanted nothing more than a giant red flag to wave around that car. I knew I had to chat with her mom and the cross country coach—and ultimately the entire team—about something called RED-S.

Here’s why.

Her Period Is Actually a Vital Sign

I get it. Periods can be inconvenient, messy, and sometimes uncomfortable. But it’s really important to understand that having a regular menstrual cycle is actually one of the best indicators that her body has enough energy to do all the amazing things it needs to do—including building strong bones, maintaining a strong immune system, and yes, performing well in sports.

When her period stops or becomes irregular during intense training, it’s not a perk. It’s her body waving a red flag that says, “Hey! I don’t have enough fuel to keep everything running!“

What Is RED-S?

RED-S stands for Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport. It’s what happens when athletes don’t eat enough calories to support both their training AND all the other things their bodies need energy for—like growing, thinking, healing, and having periods.

Think of it this way: The body is like a phone. If it’s constantly being used all day but only charged to 20%, eventually it’s going to shut down some functions to conserve battery. The body does the same thing when it doesn’t get enough “charge” (fuel in the form of calories). It starts shutting down things it considers “non-essential”—and unfortunately, the reproductive system is one of the first to be affected.

The Three Big Problems

When we first started recognizing this pattern in female athletes, we called it the “Female Athlete Triad” because it involved three interconnected problems:

1. Not eating enough for activity level – Sometimes this is intentional (trying to stay lean for a sport), and sometimes it’s unintentional (just not realizing how much fuel she actually needs). Most active teen girls need at least 2,000-2,400 calories per day, and athletes need even more. 
2. Missing or irregular periods – When the body doesn’t have enough energy, it saves energy by shutting down the hormones that control the menstrual cycle. 
3. Weak bones – Those same hormones (especially estrogen) are also what help build strong bones. When estrogen levels are low and periods stop, girls are not building bone density during the exact years when they’re supposed to be. This means stress fractures now and possibly osteoporosis as early as young adulthood. 

The Red Flags

How do you know if your daughter or someone you care about might have RED-S? Look for these warning signs:

• Missing periods or very irregular cycles
• Frequent injuries, especially stress fractures
• Always feeling tired or run-down
• Performance getting worse instead of better
• Getting sick a lot
• Overly focused on food, weight, or body composition

What to Do About It

The good news? RED-S is treatable. The main goal is to restore energy balance:

Increase calories. She might need to add 300-600 calories per day, with a focus on protein and carbohydrates. Working with a sports nutritionist is really helpful.

Possibly reduce training. Sometimes athletes need to dial back training by 10-20% temporarily to let the body recover.

Build bone health. Ensure she’s getting enough calcium (1,200 mg daily) and vitamin D (1,280-2,000 IU daily) through food and supplements.

Get her period back naturally. Once energy balance is restored, her period should return on its own within a few months. That’s how you know she’s getting better. (And no, birth control pills don’t fix this—they just mask the problem.)

Work with a team. The best treatment involves her doctor, a sports nutritionist, possibly a mental health counselor, her coach, and you—all working together.

Back to That Carpool Conversation

After that carpool ride, I did reach out to my daughter’s friend’s mom. We had a good conversation, and together we connected with the coach. The result? The whole cross country team got education about RED-S, several girls got evaluated by their doctors, and the team culture shifted to emphasize healthy fueling.

That runner? She’s doing great now, with regular periods and no stress fractures. And she still loves cross country—maybe even more, because now she has the energy to truly enjoy it.

If your daughter is an athlete who’s missing periods, please don’t brush it off. Her period isn’t just an inconvenience—it’s a vital sign. And when it goes missing, her body is trying to tell you something important.

Listen to it. Her future self will thank you.

Download the Girlology App in the app store or on google play.

No matter what age or gender your child is… the holidays are a great time to help her (and your family / friends) understand and model giving and receiving CONSENT. 

When most parents hear us mention CONSENT, they assume we’re talking about teens and sexual activity, but our children get messages about consent and boundaries at EVERY age as they see it being modeled — or not. It doesn’t take deep conversations; it’s all about showing them (and helping the adults and other children around them participate, too).

Why does it matter if she’s still young? When we make an effort to model consent in our own family, 

• our children grow up feeling more agency over their own bodies, 
• they develop important communication skills, 
• and they (and the adults around them) also learn to manage the emotions that may come with rejection. 

These are all essential skills  that improve their ability to be in safe and healthy relationships – in childhood and beyond.

SO, if you’re ready to start building the foundation, here are 2 tips for creating a culture of consent in your circle of family & friends.

1. SHOW them what it looks like to respect the word “NO” – not just when it comes from YOU.

If they’re going to grow up believing that “no means no,” they have to SEE it in action. So, whenever a child says NO or STOP, you stop, and you hold everyone accountable to do the same — including siblings.

Establishing strict enforcement around the word “no” teaches kids that their voice matters, and it also models respecting each others’ boundaries. There are a lot of places you can apply this at home, but one easy example is around tickling. So many kids love to be tickled….  until they don’t… (I’m looking at all your fun uncles here!).

So, the first time she says STOP, no matter how giggly it comes out, make sure all tickling stops. immediately.

Another example is around food. If you want a french fry – don’t just snag one. ASK.  And then RESPECT her answer. You want her to experience having her voice heard and that it matters.

2. Acknowledge boundaries by ASKING PERMISSION  – 

As parents, it’s easy to lose sight of privacy and boundaries with our children because we’ve cared for them since birth. But as children become more independent, we need to see them as individuals who deserve body autonomy and the right to privacy — that means we ASK before doing things like…

Walking into their room without knocking

Looking through their backpack

Posting their photo on line

And MOST IMPORTANTLY- giving or demanding physical affection.

Let me expand on that one for a second because …. I’m a hugger, and I catch myself throwing my arms around my daughter’s friends without asking – so I’m working on this one myself, but it happens all the time with kids – grown ups say “Give me a hug” or “go kiss your grandmother goodbye.”

I know, it seems so harmless, but all it does is make kids the object of someone else’s desires and it gives them no choice except to comply or be rude. 

So when you start asking permission, make sure you’re also offering respectful replies. Here’s what that can look like:

“Can I check your backpack? NO? Ok, we can look through it together or you can check it.”

“Can I post this picture of you on facebook? No? I respect that.”

“Do you wanna kiss grandma goodbye? NO? How about a high five or just a wave?”

Respecting kids boundaries teaches them that theycan say no, but still show affection in other ways or find common ground that feels more comfortable.

Children deserve to feel agency over their own bodies and they need space to practice the communication skills that make them feel respected and safe in relationships. The best way to make this happen is to start at home and at family gatherings. If you need to have a quick pow wow with family members beforehand – do it; or share this blog with them to start the conversation. 

Happy gathering!  

 

Download the Girlology App in the app store or on google play.

Ah! The smell of adolescence.

There’s nothing quite like the end-of-the-day funk that wafts from a pubescent kid. Some of them (younger ones usually) have no idea they stink or they just don’t care because their friends haven’t noticed.

But as kids head into middle school and beyond, body odor is a common cause for teasing, exclusion, and shaming.

Besides the usual body odor from sweaty pits and stinky feet, there are also new and strong odors from their morphing private zones. For girls, in particular, those private odors often become an embarrassment and even a source of anxiety, but some reassurance about normal healthy odors and details about basic hygiene may be all they need.

First, let me stress that there’s already too much body insecurity –  including vulvar paranoia – in our culture. Women’s bodies and body parts are constantly critiqued, compared and objectified. And crude jokes about odors and “nasty bits” only heighten a girls’ self-consciousness.

So for a LOT of young women, the answer to their worries is reassurance that healthy vaginas are not stinky and there’s nothing dirty about a vulva.

But for younger girls who are just figuring out personal hygiene, there’s a lot to learn.

Does her odor signal a vaginal infection?

In my office where we see adolescent girls in the throes of puberty, we often hear sincere questions about body odors and hygiene. The most frequent prompt for a hygiene chat is a mom or girl complaining of vaginal odor and thinking there must be an infection. 

For most preteen and young teen girls, vaginal infections (including yeast and B.V.) are rare, so usually after some questions, a quick look, and maybe testing a sample (from the outside — a vaginal exam is NOT necessary), we almost always land on “normal vaginal discharge” which is NOT a source of offensive odors.

I always emphasize that vaginal discharge has an odor, but it’s not stinky… unless it sticks around too long, and we’ll get to that. 

Then why the smell?

What most moms and girls believe is “vaginal odor” is actually a combination of sweat / body odor (and sometimes period blood) that lingers in pubic hair AND the vaginal secretions that dry up and stick around in the folds of the vulva.

Learning to manage vulvar hygiene is simple, but it boils down to a thorough “hair wash” and cleaning of the crevices. I know. There’s no easier way to say it. 

So, when it comes up (and in an adolescent gyn practice, that’s at least daily), I find myself giving the same “hygiene lesson” over and over to address body odor and the “private” odors that bother a lot of my patients.

The discussion seems to be welcomed by parents and appreciated by girls, especially when they understand WHY there’s an odor and HOW to manage it.

Here’s my rendition of “how to clean your privates” for girls

(and if you just want us to have this chat with your girl, send her to this class). 

“Your vaginal discharge is totally normal, but we still need to talk about the odors that bother you (or others). 

Puberty launches lots of new odors

First, your new body odors happen because puberty makes you sweat more than ever. It also makes your skin push out more oils which attract bacteria that create most of the stink. And this sweat and oil isn’t just happening in your armpits, it happens all over your body, and especially around your private parts and in your groin (the folds where your thighs meet your trunk).

Odors stick to oils

When these new body odors happen, the smells are always attached to oils on your skin and hair – and hair really holds onto odors! Think about this… if you have grease or oil all over your hands, how do you get it off? With just water? Nope. You have to use soap! And sometimes you have to wash twice with soap if your hands are really greasy, right?

The same thing is true for body odor – consider it oily, so you HAVE to use soap, sometimes twice, to remove the oils carrying the odor.

It takes soap to remove oils

That means the first step is to wash your whole body (except inside your vulva) WITH SOAP every day or at least most days. That includes your pubic hair, the outside of your vulva and your groin – AND I’m gonna go ahead and say your butt crack, too, because well, yeah, butts get stinky and they need soap, too.  

There are hiding places where odors like to hang out

The other thing you need to know is that your vaginal discharge only causes odor if it sticks around too long. So you have to make sure you get any dried discharge out of all the folds and creases in your vulva.

Here’s how to get rid of them

You do that by opening your labia (which requires squatting or spreading your legs), and using your hand or a washcloth and warm water (no soap inside the labia). It’s easiest in a bathtub, but you can also get the job done in the shower. If you have a detachable shower head, that can work, too. You DON’T need to put anything inside your vagina, but you do need to wash the outer and inner labia and the make sure you clean the crevices and folds in and around them. Finally, rinse well in case any soap gets in there! That skin is sensitive.

Check your work

While you’re figuring it out, you can you can look with a mirror after your bath or shower to make sure you got the dried up stuff out of there. I know – sounds awkward, but it’s your body, and it sounds to me like the odor has been awkward for you, too. 

And here’s what vulvas do NOT need

The last thing I want to tell you is that you might see products in the store called “feminine deodorant” or “douches” for cleaning the vagina. You DON’T EVER need to use those products!

First of all, your vulva isn’t supposed to smell like a flower, so there’s no need to put perfumed sprays or washes down there.

Secondly, the vagina cleans itself, and squirting water or other liquids up the vagina to “clean” it actually damage the normal healthy bacteria in there and increase the risk for vaginal infections. Your vagina is a self-cleaning organ, but your vulva is not (and you know the difference, right?)

You’re not alone, and you’ve got this!

I’ll stop now (smile). But don’t be embarrassed at all that we had this talk. You wouldn’t believe how many girls have the same issue at your age. Before now, you never had to pay much attention to washing down there, but puberty is a gamechanger – and there’s  a lot to learn. But I think you’re going to get through it just fine!”

_____

Download the Girlology App in the app store or on google play.

Girlology is deeply committed to changing the body image story for girls. We’ve created a class for them that raises awareness and teaches skills that can prevent body image issues or begin to reverse existing body struggles. Our methods are being used successfully in therapists offices —  greater confidence, less self-consciousness, more joy.

The on-demand class for girls is called “How to Like Your Body.” It includes 10 short videos + a fun, colorful journal (free e-version or print version may be purchased) and it’s led by inspiring young women trained by Girlology. Honestly, it’s better than anything we’ve ever seen for tweens and teens, and we’re getting amazing feedback from girls. 

But there is a hard truth we needed to address:

 

For her to optimize her body image, it’s likely she needs YOU to do some work on your feelings about your own body. 

Social media definitely has an impact on her, but your influence is bigger. Your comments, glances, family culture… the way you feel about your own body, the way you move your body, the time you take for yourself, even things your mother said to you — all affect how your daughter experiences her own body. 

It’s complicated for a lot of us.

But the solution isn’t.

Once we built the girls’ class, we realized we can create a similar coaching series for moms — as long as it wasn’t too time consuming or overwhelming. It also had to go a bit deeper to help women UNLEARN what we’ve internalized about our bodies. So we did it.

It’s called Like Your Body, Change Her Future.

Here’s how it works:

Dr. Cara Reeves and Dr. Melisa Holmes have created weekly, simple coaching steps delivered through short videos.

Watch one video each week (or whatever schedule works for you), then spend that week focused on the ONE THING you’re asked to do, think about, or process.

Use the COMMUNITY feature in the Girlology app to ask questions, share stories, seek or offer support. Dr. Cara and the Girlology team will be reading and responding to the community posts regularly.

The following weeks’ tip will begin with a reflection or review of how things went with the previous tip, and then lead you into the next step. 

About once a month, Dr. Cara and / or Dr. Melisa will host a live chat

We have a full year’s worth of weekly tips, but it only takes a few weeks to notice shifts in your relationship with your body.

You can DIY at your own pace, or feel free to DIWAF (do it with a friend) for more fun, encouragement, and accountability.

Each small step you take builds on previous tips, and before you know it, you’ll feel better about yourself, and you’ll become a better influencer for the girls in your life.

We have a year’s worth of tips, but it doesn’t take a year to notice big shifts in your relationsihp with your body. Just remember it’s a practice, so we’re in it with you for a whole year (and maybe beyond).

Here’s how to access it:

If you’re a Girlology member,
the Like Your Body, Change Her Future coaching series is already in your app – in the Body Image category.

If you’re not a member,
you can create a free account just for this coaching content (for now).
To get started, create your free account HERE
Then download the Girlology app and sign in.

Watch our welcome video, then jump into Tip 1, and you’re on your way!

We’ll send reminders about the tips in each Momfidence newsletter (sign up for it below). For your daughter, share our class for girls with her: included with your Girlology membership or available to purchase HERE.

We look forward to coaching you on this journey.

~The Girlology Team

 Get the Girlology App on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member and have access to all our resources for girls (and you)? Learn More HERE. 

 

 

‘From first periods through the fertility gamut and into the sputtering flow of menopause, period tracking is important for many health and personal reasons. Today, it’s as easy as opening an app and selecting the number of blood drops on the right day to trigger a notification telling you when to stock up on tampons and chocolate – or warn your family to tread lightly – or let you know that something’s “off” you should call your doctor. 

So why shouldn’t a young girl new to periods, join the 50 million+ using period tracking apps? 

Fertility-Centric.
The most popular period tracking apps are centered around getting or not getting pregnant by predicting ovulation. Some have been developed by companies that sell ovulation detector kits or paired devices to collect biometric data like temperature, sleep and heart rate to boost the effectiveness of conception or contraception goals. It’s also common for these apps to prompt her to record sexual activity, send her notifications about her fertile time, and offer tips for keeping the bedroom frisky and fun. 

Although some offer additional educational content, most of the education is around TTC (trying to conceive), contraception, or sexual health. Girls can certainly turn off notifications and tailor the content to be less fertility-focused, but none of these apps are thinking about helping young girls adjust to periods or understand their changing body.

Adult Focused.
If she just wants to know when to expect her next period, apps can confuse her or create anxiety because they are based on adult menstrual cycles, not adolescents. Most apps continue to suggest that the “normal” menstrual cycle is consistently 28 days with little variation from cycle to cycle – when that’s just baloney. Only about 15% of women actually have 28 day cycles, and most have variation from cycle to cycle of up to 5 days. For teens, normal cycle lengths are 21-45 days, and the cycle to cycle variation is even greater. There’s no need to use any app that can raise her anxiety or make her doubt her own body rather than the app’s accuracy. 

On a more positive note, many of the apps have space for noting common (constipation, acne, headaches, mood shifts) or individualized (asthma attacks, Crohns flares) symptoms. Symptom tracking can help users recognize symptom patterns or identify when personal health conditions are affected by the menstrual cycle (which happens a lot).

Her Privacy
Period trackers are a profitable industry and they collect highly personal health information from millions of users. With recent criminalization of abortion in many states, there are legitimate concerns about how menstrual cycle data may be used or shared.

Although the apps collect private health data, the companies that own them are not bound by HIPPA or healthcare legislation, but only by the app store that hosts them. So the app companies decide for themselves how they will handle your data. No laws prohibit them from sharing user information with advertisers, insurance companies, law enforcement, or any rando. So, for now, period tracking apps may not be a safe or trusted place for keeping up with her menstrual cycle or other sensitive health data.

Then what’s a girl to do?

For my adolescent patients, I always recommend an old-school menstrual calendar, like this one we make available through Girlology. 

It’s a simple, notecard sized calendar that allows a full year of tracking and provides a visual representation of emerging patterns (which SHOULD start to happen after her first 3 periods). 

For me (as a gynecologist) it’s incredibly helpful as a diagnostic tool for identifying irregular patterns, excessive flow, or troublesome symptoms.

It’s also preferable (to me and my patients) to having her hand over her phone so I can swipe through whichever app she’s using to search for the data I really need. 

As your daughter reaches that milestone of menarche (that’s the medical term for her first period), you can download our menstrual calendar HERE. 

 

Download the Girlology App in the app store or on google play.

Congratulations on taking this journey for yourself and for your daughter. To help her gain the skills and habits that will protect her relationship with her body, share our class for girls with her: How to Like Your Body, included with her Girlology membership or available to purchase HERE.

For the best experience on any device, get the Girlology App on google play or in the app store.

 

‘Tis the season for shopping guides, and Girlology is back at it with our 2024 gift guide for growing girls! If your daughter has too many Tik Tok inspired fashion and beauty items on her list — we’ve got you! Dive into our list that’s focused on supporting her growing body and brain (🤫 you don’t have to tell her that). Once again, presented in 10 categories to inspire your own ideas as well — we wish you happy shopping! 

 

Train her Brain

Reduce her risk for body image struggles with our newest class for girls: How to Like Your Body. It’s led by young adults who have practiced the skills and will teach your girl HOW to change her mindset, drop self-judgment, and learn to value being strong over skinny, confident over pretty.

Legos have grown as much as she has, and for big kids (and adults) you can find Lego sets for everything from flowers to robotic machines to VanGogh paintings.

Similar to leggos but more mechanical, we love this wooden mechinical puzzle that she can make into a roller coaster for marbles, or a music box…this is definitely a STEM gift for the whole family!

Jigsaw Puzzles support mindfulness and spatial thinking skills, and Jiggies are a favorite! Plus they’re so fulfilling!

Memory games like Brainbolt 

Board games like Codenames or Trekking the National Parks involve strategy, but are simple to learn, educational, and great for tweens to adults. 

And for the budding video creator in your family, look at this Stop Motion animation Kit.

 

Support her Creativity

Craft kit, like this one that teaches her how to Crochet

Photo printer or sticker printer — both are wildly poopular!

Lessons in any artform! Music, dance, drums, theater, pottery, songwriting

Beginner Guitar starter set (for your Swiftie)

Art supplies are our favorite evergreen gift!

 

Boost her Vitamin N (nature!)

Terrarium kit

Propagation station (buy one or create your own with an assortment of small jars) with cute potting containers and soil

Digital Binoculars with camera adapter

Alltrails App or a printed trail guide to local hikes

New hiking shoes or fanny pack (they’re hot right now!) for storing hiking supplies & snacks

Box of 50 Amazing Animal Facts Postcards. She can color them and then use them to write an old school note to someone (as part of a gratitude practice 😉).  

 

Nurture her Mindfulness

Headspace or Calm app

Singing bowl

Meditation cushion

Aroma therapy diffuser

Adult coloring book 

Glitter jar (you’ll have to make this one – instructions in an old newsletter linked here!) 

Gratitude journal

 

Encourage Movement

Lessons in a sport she might want to try

Flying Orb Hover Ball 

Light up basketball 

Disc golf set

Portable (and waterproof) speaker she can take on the go

Sports wear

Skates, scooter, skateboard (Dr. Trish says nothing motorized please!)

 

Connect with Her

Give her a Girlology membership and watch a Girlology class together! 

Tickets to an event you’ll experience together: music, festival, play, dance performance, horse show, dog show, convention for her hobby

Donate to her favorite charity and give a coupon to volunteer there together.

Games are always a great way to connect. Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza is mindless fun & laughter for everyone (plus it only takes about 15 minutes)! 

Trips: weekend getaway, tourist in your own town, stay with a friend and explore their town.

Shared journal – leave notes, questions, or prompts for each other

Certificate for night out once a month and let her pick the activity!

 

Help her with Hygiene Hacks

Bright Girl Skin care. Use our discount code: 

Electric toothbrush and floss!

Personal hair trimmer

Girlology class on hygiene 

Puberty kit (for younger girls): bras, gentle body cleansers, deodorant/antiperspirant, razors, shaving cream, shampoo, conditioner, hair ties, lip gloss, water bottle, sunscreen.

Sleep kit – mask, comfy pjs, and a squishy or soft blanket, and white noise machine. For tips on improving her sleep habits go HERE.

 

Reinforce her Responsibility

A pet?!

Let her plan (or help plan) a trip itinerary from beginning to end

Cook book and money to buy plan, and prepare 1 meal per week

A big white board for all her lists and planning!

Coupons for “life lessons” from friends, neighbors, family members to teach her skills like changing a tire, hanging pictures, cooking, building a fire, using a fire extinguisher, putting gas in a car, reading a map, using a power tool, etc.

Open a checking account with a debit card or a Venmo Teen Account

Birdie personal safety alarm

Mini waffle maker and mini spatula to help her make her own breakfast

Scrunchie with hidden zipper pocket for stashing her door key.

 

Enhance her Education

Audible membership

Library card

Kindle

Gift Card to Independent Book Store (and a copy of our latest book, Youology)

Gift of Girlology! (Discount code is active!)

Tickets to a museum that features something she’s interested in

 

Personalized Gifts

Customized neon sign – family motto, favorite saying, or her name!

Necklace with her name or birth year

Custom paint by number kit of a favorite photo

Star Chart of her birth date

Personalized coordinates jewelry featuring hometown or another special place

Anything Monogramed towels, bags, purses, shower wrap, you name it!

 

For the holidays or any occasion, we hope these gift ideas help you support and stay connected with her through all of her growing years! What would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

Don’t you hate it when she misses out on something fun or important? 

We worry enough about our daughters’ social media generated FOMO (fear of missing out), but I think there’s a FOHMO (fear of HER missing out) that we parents have, even though we understand that missing out on things is just part of life; they can’t do everything. 

But… 

I want my daughters to have every opportunity to learn, to have fun, to belong, to try new things. And when they miss out, I sometimes find myself feeling disappointed, even a little anxious. 

Is that FOHMO or is it just being a Mama Bear? 

When I worry she’s missing something important, I hear my own anxieties as a nagging voice in my head – “ Will missing that make her feel like an outsider?” “How can she make up for that missed opportunity?” or “What if she doesn’t get another chance to experience that?”

I know – my internal voice is tough!

Obviously, we can “what if…” ourselves into full blown anxiety if we don’t learn to control what we CAN control and let go of what we CAN’T control. 

Even as I raise my third daughter, I find this to be a personal challenge as well as a pretty universal parenting challenge. Don’t we all want to provide as many opportunities as we can to prepare them for a confident, healthy, and bright future? 

When I’m feeling anxious about her missing out on something, I try to stay grounded by doing these two things:

1.) Check my own parenting anxieties against what is truly going to protect and prepare her. Am I anxious because I feel pressure to look good as a parent, or is it because I am honestly concerned that she will suffer significantly? I emphasize significantly because some degree of suffering is inevitable and even necessary in life. That may sound harsh, but if you want to know more, check out our most recent Girlology TV interview on Reducing Anxiety with clinical psychologist, Dr. Cora Ezzell.  

2.) Keep things factual, realistic, and as practical as possible. What are the facts? Are there other opportunities that would provide a similar experience? Is there a different approach? Is it worth the trouble?

It’s a lot to think about, but the more I practice, the faster it happens in my head, and the better prepared I feel to help her (and myself) manage the missing out or let it go. 

So in the vein of things we CAN control, let me exchange my mama bear coat for my white coat and tell you the most important thing you can do right now to keep her from missing out on learning, having fun, and trying new things is to protect her from the things that will make her miss out. 

So, take her to get her flu shot. 

Seriously. It’s that time of year.

Influenza causes more “missing out” than mean girls’ birthday parties! 

 

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

In the coming weeks, more than ever, we need to pay attention to our health – mental and physical. I know you hear that all the time, but I also know that personally, sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to lift my head and DO.THE.THINGS that I know are important (but are so easy to let slide). 

Call it a seasonal reset, but it’s more than just Fall y’all. Election season + flu/RSV/Covid season add more urgency to the effort. 

A couple weeks ago, I sat down and made a list of things I’m committed to (or recommitting to). Four things on my list are so simple and probably have the best return on investment.

✅ I’ve muted or deleted a bunch of accounts on my social media channels and replied STOP to the unwanted political texts. Maybe I’m late to this insight, but when I scroll, I want to be inspired, entertained, or educated, and not feel infuriated, insulted, or incredulous. Keeping politics AND “self-improvement” posts out of my feed is good for my wellbeing right now. As I opt for humor, authenticity, and inspiration, I also find that I’m spending less time scrolling because I feel good, and I move on. When I’m fuming over frustrating content, I tend to spend more time in my head arguing or generating snarky responses – which I rarely send, btw – total waste of time and energy.

✅ I’ve extended my walking route to keep me outside longer each day. Exercise and being outdoors both have significant mental health benefits, and Fall is my favorite season. This one’s a no brainer for me. Spending more time outside watching the season unfold is like a gift. Every day, I discover some lovely surprise – subtle color changes, new Halloween decorations, a pomegranate tree full of fruit — who knew that would even grow in my neighborhood?! When we allow ourselves to be delighted, even by simple things, it can have a big impact on mood and outlook.

I also bought a couple new books on Audible that I’m really excited to listen to, and I only allow myself to listen when I’m walking. It’s my motivation and reward for getting outside to exercise. 

✅ I restocked or replaced the things I rely on to keep my house clean and my family less germy: hand sanitizer (one for each car and each backpack), tissues, cleaning supplies, hand soap (that smells like Fall), air filters. Having plenty of these things on hand and a few fun variations gives me peace of mind. 

✅ I got my flu & Covid vaccines (and made sure my entire family got theirs). Getting sick this time of year can be confusing with Influenza, RSV, and Covid having so many overlapping symptoms. Getting your seasonal vaccines protects you and the people around you and it can reduce the strain on healthcare systems. Plus, nobody likes missing out on Fall fun because they’re sick. Flu before “BOO!” has been a mantra for years, but since it’s already Halloween, just make a plan to get it soon if you haven’t already!

I hope in this confluence of seasons, you’re making the effort to stay healthy and to be your daughters’ greatest influencer when it comes to health and wellness.

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

 I prefer the term “vigilant” over “paranoid,” but I worry about depression – a lot. With 3 daughters, it’s a personal worry. With thousands of female adolescent patients, it’s also a professional worry. 

Why do I worry? 

📌 It’s common. Among teens, 1 in 7 will have a diagnosis of depression, but less than half will get treatment.

📌 It’s tricky. Depression can look different in teens than in adults, and they’re great at camouflaging their symptoms.

📌 Girls are particularly at risk. After puberty, depression is almost 3 times more common in girls than boys.

📌 It shows up early. Among adults with depression or anxiety, over half of them had symptoms by age 14.

And my biggest fear? 😱

It’s not the diagnosis of depression, it’s that the depression goes UNTREATED, because treatments are very effective, especially when started promptly after the onset of symptoms. But if it’s not treated, long-standing depression can lead to other serious health problems and lifelong struggles.

So the obvious question is, “Can we PREVENT depression in the first place?” 

There’s actually some good news. 

• When we equip children with emotional coping skills, mindfulness practices, and mental wellness awareness, we can reduce the occurrence of both anxiety and depression. Girlology has  lots of tips and discussions in the app to guide you and help her with those skills.

• When we give girls a new way to think about their body without defaulting to the way it looks as a source of happiness, we  can help them build a foundation that prioritizes their  experiences and abilities over appearances. That helps reduce body dissatisfaction which is a big trigger for anxiety in many girls. Watch for Girlology’s new body image class for girls – it will do exactly that (arriving Oct 1 for members!).

• When we destigmatize  mental health care is also a way to reduce the consequences of mental health struggles. Make sure she knows that caring for her mental health and getting help when there’s a problem is just as important and necessary as taking care of her body and getting treatments when she’s physically sick. 

Obviously, genetics matter, and some things are just not in our control, however there are definitely some steps you can take to protect her mental health now and in the future. This tip will get you started.

As vigilant moms, we need to be well-prepared to recognize depression symptoms and know what to DO (or not do) to support her, get it treated, and help our girls thrive. 

Become a member of Girlology to have an all-access pass to the support you’ll need to help your child grow up confident and informed!

Get Girlology on google play or in the app store.

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE.