In the coming weeks, more than ever, we need to pay attention to our health – mental and physical. I know you hear that all the time, but I also know that personally, sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to lift my head and DO.THE.THINGS that I know are important (but are so easy to let slide). 

Call it a seasonal reset, but it’s more than just Fall y’all. Election season + flu/RSV/Covid season add more urgency to the effort. 

A couple weeks ago, I sat down and made a list of things I’m committed to (or recommitting to). Four things on my list are so simple and probably have the best return on investment.

✅ I’ve muted or deleted a bunch of accounts on my social media channels and replied STOP to the unwanted political texts. Maybe I’m late to this insight, but when I scroll, I want to be inspired, entertained, or educated, and not feel infuriated, insulted, or incredulous. Keeping politics AND “self-improvement” posts out of my feed is good for my wellbeing right now. As I opt for humor, authenticity, and inspiration, I also find that I’m spending less time scrolling because I feel good, and I move on. When I’m fuming over frustrating content, I tend to spend more time in my head arguing or generating snarky responses – which I rarely send, btw – total waste of time and energy.

✅ I’ve extended my walking route to keep me outside longer each day. Exercise and being outdoors both have significant mental health benefits, and Fall is my favorite season. This one’s a no brainer for me. Spending more time outside watching the season unfold is like a gift. Every day, I discover some lovely surprise – subtle color changes, new Halloween decorations, a pomegranate tree full of fruit — who knew that would even grow in my neighborhood?! When we allow ourselves to be delighted, even by simple things, it can have a big impact on mood and outlook.

I also bought a couple new books on Audible that I’m really excited to listen to, and I only allow myself to listen when I’m walking. It’s my motivation and reward for getting outside to exercise. 

✅ I restocked or replaced the things I rely on to keep my house clean and my family less germy: hand sanitizer (one for each car and each backpack), tissues, cleaning supplies, hand soap (that smells like Fall), air filters. Having plenty of these things on hand and a few fun variations gives me peace of mind. 

✅ I got my flu & Covid vaccines (and made sure my entire family got theirs). Getting sick this time of year can be confusing with Influenza, RSV, and Covid having so many overlapping symptoms. Getting your seasonal vaccines protects you and the people around you and it can reduce the strain on healthcare systems. Plus, nobody likes missing out on Fall fun because they’re sick. Flu before “BOO!” has been a mantra for years, but since it’s already Halloween, just make a plan to get it soon if you haven’t already!

I hope in this confluence of seasons, you’re making the effort to stay healthy and to be your daughters’ greatest influencer when it comes to health and wellness.

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In the past week, I’ve heard the term “detox” from three highly intelligent people whom I fear have been bamboozled by the wellness industry. They were spending money on teas, supplements, and meal plans to jumpstart their new year with a “cleansing.” One was detoxing with her adolescent daughter (which could actually create toxicity by encouraging restrictive eating).

There are a lot of ways I could have replied to that, but I took a deep breath and just shared MY favorite detox pointers.

• There is no supplement, diet, or drink that will detox her body better than her own liver and kidneys. 
• Her liver and kidneys can use some detox support, but it doesn’t come from herbs or liquid diets.
• The best ways to detox her body and support her natural detoxing organs are to help her establish healthy habits around sleep, movement, nutrition, and emotional coping. 

I know. An herbal tea would be so much easier. 

But if the new year is motivating you to create positive change in your life, it’s a great time to take an assessment and make a plan together. If you truly want to help her detox from things that are harming her or holding her back, here are 4 sure ways to do that:

• Help her detox from unhealthy friendships
• • • As our daughters leave childhood behind, it’s common for their friendships to shift. Help her understand that “friends” that don’t make her feel respected, heard, or cared for, are not true friends. Many of the mental health issues that affect adolescent girls stem from friendship (or “frenemy”) challenges. 
    • To detox from unhealthy friendships, start conversations about what she needs and hopes for as she makes new friends or carries old friends into the new year and beyond. 
    • Normalize friendship “break ups” as sometimes necessary and liberating. 
    • And help her learn how to be a good friend to others. If you’d like help with this, our Friendship Matters class and workbook, are great resources and conversation guides. 

• Help her edit her social media influences to boost the positive and reduce the negative

• • Encourage her to unfollow accounts that leave her feeling like she’s not good enough or thin enough or popular enough. Instead, simply adding 2-3 new accounts that are uplifting or inspiring can help boost her confidence and happiness.
  • Self-criticism is clearly toxic, but self-acceptance requires practice. For tips on HOW to start that practice, THIS Girlology TV episode offers great information!
    

• Talk with her about avoiding known toxins like vaping and other substance use. 

• • The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends we talk with our kids about substance use starting at age 11. Substance use disorder experts say 9 is a better age. Either way – there are age appropriate chats you can have at any age.
  • Even though we think our kids KNOW better than to vape, try alcohol, or eat THC gummies, our kids gather a LOT of ideas from what they see in their families and communities.
  • If you have kids or teens, do not keep pain meds or other unneeded prescription medications in your home. Here’s why and how.
  • Make sure your kids know not to consume any “candy” that they find or that someone gives them without checking with you. From marijuana gummies to fentanyl, accidental ingestion of substances by children and teens has skyrocketed over the past few years resulting in vastly higher rates of emergency room visits, overdose treatments, and deaths. 

• Reduce her exposure to environmental toxins 

• • This sounds overwhelming, but most environmental toxins are attributed to exposures that are not that difficult to avoid or remove. Simple changes, like eliminating plastic food storage containers, changing air filters, and washing hands can have a big impact.
  • Check out THIS TIP For more information on WHY this matters (especially for girls) and other ways to reduce her exposures.

So, forget the herbal teas, the sweatboxes, and restrictive diets. The best detoxes happen when we rid ourselves of unhealthy relationships, negative self-talk, unrealistic influences, and known threats to our health.

Cheers to a safe and healthy year ahead. We’re here to help all along the way.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

As they leave elementary school and head into the hormone filled hallways of middle school where kids roam in herds instead of single file lines, and shiny cell phones replace plastic collectibles in the bus line, you can’t help but worry about whether you’ve prepared your child for life on this new academic and social planet.

Early in the school year is a perfect time to strengthen and discuss the safety net that will make life easier for your child in middle school and beyond. It’s woven together from many intertwining and overlapping pieces. Below are some sturdy ones that will give your child a head start on social and emotional health skills and provide important protection.

 

People who believe in her

Parents matter a lot, but it’s also important that your child sees others cheering her on and believing in her ability to succeed. Sometimes it’s a coach or a teacher, sometimes a youth group leader, sometimes it’s a sibling, a friend or a friend’s parent. Kids who don’t have others openly expressing their confidence in them have a hard time developing the confidence to believe in themselves.

 

A way out

Tweens love to blend in by following the crowd, but most tweens will tell you that the crowd doesn’t always behave in a way that is comfortable. When your child is uncomfortable or pressured in a group situation, make sure she has a way out. Have  a code phrase that she can text you when he needs a way out. Establish a phrase like, “can I stay???” or decide on an emoji which when texted to you really means “call me and tell me I have to come home now!” Their friends will never know they really just asked for help.

 

Affirmations

For many adolescents, self-esteem takes a nose dive around 12 or 13, and when it does, their self-talk becomes more and more negative. Help your child come up with a couple of phrases that they can say over and over to themselves when that voice in their head is telling them they aren’t good enough. Something as simple as “I deserve respect” or “I’m not stupid, I made a mistake,” or “I can do this.” If they learn to talk to themself like they would talk to a friend, they’re on the right track. 

 

Boundaries 

In middle school kids definitely will push some boundaries as they’re trying to establish their own. Some are simple, like later bedtimes or greater independence. Some are more serious, like relationship and even sexual boundaries. If they’re on their own to figure out boundaries, they frequently feel lost. It’s well established that adolescents need caring adults to help them establish those boundaries by sharing expectations and being consist. Even if it’s awkward, it’s time to talk with your child about boundaries — their own AND respecting others. Ask them first what they’re comfortable with, and THEN agree or offer a slightly different perspective based on your hopes and expectations. 

 

Values

If you haven’t had conversations about your family values, now is the time. Make sure your child understands what you consider important “in life” and your expectations for their future based on those values. For tweens & teens, it’s especially important to discuss values related to things like health, education, respect, honesty, love and relationships. As young people are exposed to peers from different backgrounds, they begin to explore and challenge many of the traditional values of their own families, but those with a good foundation, usually drift back toward to the values they grew up with. If a child doesn’t know what is expected of them, they are much more likely to be enticed into behavior patterns that are not in line with their values and goals.

 

A plan 

There’s no way to identify all the challenges your child will face in middle school and develop a plan for each one, however, you can practically count on your child being exposed to pornography and/or sexting by the time they finish middle school. A child that has a plan for how to respond to this specific challenge can avoid major damage and difficulty. That means it’s not only important to explain to your child what porn is and isn’t, but it’s more important to help them decide what to DO when they see it or receive a link to it. Same goes with sexting – whether your child receives a request for nudes, receives an image they didn’t even request, or is thinking about asking for a nude photo – having a witty or disengaging response and knowing what to do to avoid possession, habit formation, or personal humiliation is important prevention. (For more information on this conversation, go here). 

 

Followers 

Every tween wants followers, right? And every tween makes mistakes on social media – especially as they are learning the best ways to use it. Make sure your children have followers who not only follow them on social media, but check in with them in real life. Ask someone you trust to take on this role. Maybe it’s an older sibling, a youth leader, or a friend’s parent. Make sure they are willing to watch your child’s posts on social media and privately message her when she has overshared, over-exposed, or under-represented who she really is. A little help from people who are paying attention will help your child pay more attention and learn valuable lessons.

 

Humility

Every teen (and every parent) needs to understand and recognize that there will  always be people who seem to have more fun, more freedom, more money, more friends, more popularity, nicer stuff, better grades, and more skills than they do. Once your children accept this, they can focus on doing their personal best and sharing in others’ successes.

 

A sense of adventure

Nothing will teach your child more than trying new things, meeting new people, and taking healthy risks that stretch their mind and body. The adolescent brain craves thrills and excitement, and that comes in the form of risk taking. Make sure your child gets the opportunity to take healthy risks that take them out of their comfort zone (assuring they have their safety equipment and emotional safety net as back-ups). Taking healthy risks will fulfill the thrill-seeking needs of tweens & teens just as much as dangerous behaviors will. Remember that risk taking is required for teens, just encourage and allow healthy risk taking, so they don’t look for other ways to get their thrills.

 

Personal hygiene items

So this one’s a little different, but please don’t forget to make sure your child understands the importance of personal hygiene and how to use personal hygiene products (that you will hopefully provide for their backpack and PE bag!). The middle school staff will thank you!

 

We’d love to hear what else you’ll weave into her safety net? Leave us your tips in the comments.

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others? Learn More HERE. 

 

I’m definitely a list maker, and with the back-to-school shuffle, I have more lists than usual. Besides the normal ones…school supplies, appointments, etc., I also have one big fat list of TALKS I want to have with my daughter before the new school year begins.

I can just see her 🙄 at the prospect of more “talks,” but I know for a fact, that reminders matter. As the adolescent brain is developing, they benefit from hearing the same message in multiple contexts – so I feel justified.  Also, I’m not talking about reminders to clean her room or wear her retainer. What’s more important to me are the things that can boost her mental and emotional health as a new school year starts.

So, here are my top five (for this week anyway) 😏

✅ I’ll give her permission to seek confidential help or advice from trusted adults other than her Dad and me. I’ll definitely endorse her big sisters, my best friend, her aunt, and ask if there’s another adult she wants to add to the list. And I’ll also let these adults know I’ve entrusted them to “follow” her, provide advice if she seeks it (or if they see she needs it).

It takes a village, and she needs elders who care about her.

✅ I’ll remind her that she should pay attention to “her gut” which sometimes shows up as “her natural instinct,” “her intuition,” or  “the “voice in her head.” This represents the collective voices of her family’s values, her faith, and her honest heart.

She really wants to do the right thing.

✅ I’ll also remind her that her “inner voice” or “self talk” can sometimes sound super critical, saying mean or ugly things to herself. When that happens, she should talk back to that voice in the same way she would speak to a friend.

Self love can be hard.

✅ I’ll tell her my hopes and expectations for her behavior, specifically around the challenges that come with adolescence like honesty, relationships, social media posts, and substances. We’ll agree on appropriate consequences for choosing to ignore the rules. The choices will be hers, as will the consequences.

She feels safer with boundaries.

✅ I’ll remind her that there will always be people who seem to have more fun, more freedom, more money, more friends, more popularity, nicer stuff, better grades, and more skills than she does. She is not in competition with anyone but herself, and once she accepts this, she can focus on doing her personal best and sharing in others’ successes.

She is enough.

Dr. Trish and I actually incorporated some of these skills (changing self-talk, boosting confidence, putting media messages in perspective…) into our Class for middle schoolers called, Be You. If your child needs a little pep talk in these areas (and who doesn’t?), it can give her some back to school skills, reminders, and confidence! Like all of our classes, it’s available to Girlology members or it’s also included in our Better Body Image Collection you can purchase here.

I better get to it! What talks will you be having with your kids? Hit reply, and let me know!

Happy chatting! 🗣

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others? Learn More HERE.