I’m on my second “cup” of coffee as I write this. And since I like  a big mug, I’m approaching about 300 mg of caffeine this morning. ☕️☕️

In a little while, wide-eyed and ready for my day, I’ll drive past our local high school where I’ll see lots of students walking in with big Starbucks cups (with about 360 mg in a Grande), and some with energy drinks (about 200 mg in a Celsius). 

Yes, teens are tired, and a little caffeine can sharpen mental focus and provide an energy boost.

But “a little” caffeine is not what most teens are consuming. 

We know (from the American Academy of Pediatrics and the FDA) that children under 12 should not even consume caffeine, and teens should have no more than 100 mg per day ☕️

Don’t worry… for you mamas who want to follow the adult rules, you get up to 400 mg per day ☕️☕️☕️).

Why should we limit caffeine intake for youth? What about those energy drinks they love?

• For starters there’s that developing brain thing and a growing body. 🧠🤸🏽‍♀️

• Exposing adolescents to excessive caffeine can create chemical dependence, affect behavior, and decrease the absorption of important nutrients like calcium (bones matter, right?). 

• In chronic or high doses, caffeine can cause anxiety, stomach pain, dehydration, headaches, loss of focus, and sleep problems – which creates a vicious cycle of fatigue and more caffeine intake. ☠ Watch Dr. Trish’s Tip for more on this!

I’m NOT advocating that we eliminate caffeine for teens, but many have problems with moderation and don’t know the facts. As a caring (and informed!) parent, you can clue them in on a few things:

1️⃣  They should limit their caffeine intake until they are adults (not just adult-sized) for all the reasons I mentioned above. Decaf, half-caf, or teas may be better choices.

2️⃣  They should know that it takes about 6 hours to metabolize caffeine, so any evening-time caffeine will disrupt their sleep quality (whether they believe it or not).⏱

3️⃣  I’m gonna say it yet again…Sleep is key to health & learning, and adolescents need 8-9 hours every night. No amount of caffeine can make up for lost sleep. 

If you’re wondering about energy drinks, watch this tip from Dr. Neha Suri.

And if you’re trying to find practical ways to help your tween or teen sleep better, Dr. Kristin Daley, psychologist, sleep specialist AND mom of 3 teens, shares her best tricks in THIS interview. 

Access ALL of our video content with your Girlology membership (try it free for 7 days!).

Did you know Girlology offers grade-by-grade video playlists to support her and you — on ALL.THE.TOPICS from mental health (and yes, sleep) to puberty, periods, skin care, body image and more! Learn More Here.

by Cara Reeves, PhD, Girlology’s Director of Mental Wellness

I admit it; I’m obsessed with the new Inside Out 2 movie. As a psychologist, I have to say that the creators (Dave Holstein, Kelsey Mann, Megan LeFauve) NAILED IT! The story gives a perfect depiction of the complexity, unpredictability and intensity of teenage emotions. We can all learn from it. 

If you haven’t seen it yet (SPOILER ALERT), the movie picks up as the main character, Riley (now 13), transitions into puberty – bringing along a host of new, strong, mercurial emotions: Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment and Ennui (boredom).  

The new emotions quickly take over Riley’s mental “headquarters” and wreak havoc in her life at the worst possible time – during a three day tryout for her high school ice hockey team. Not only is she juggling some pretty challenging friendship dynamics and vying for a position on the team, she is also trying to understand the new, BIG, feelings that are bubbling up AND trying to figure out what to do about them. These new feelings make her question herself. Do they mean she isn’t the person she thought she was? 

The storyline is an INSIDE look (hence the name INSIDE OUT) at what goes on in the teenage mind.  

Adolescence is a time of constant change and growth.  As soon as kids (and their parents) think they’ve figured things out and settled into a groove….

WHOOSH!!!!

…the rug gets pulled out from under them, and they are back to figuring things out again. 

As these emotional shifts happen, kids don’t understand why they are SOOO upset about a bad hair day or SOOO nervous about a dance recital or SOOO mad at their brother. The movie does a great job highlighting this internal struggle as emotions quickly take over and overwhelm unsuspecting Riley.  

As a psychologist, I love the visual representation of the different emotions. They are PART of Riley, but they don’t define who Riley IS as a person (that’s actually her Sense of Self). 

Particularly notable is the way the movie shows that the RIGHT amount of emotion can serve an important purpose, but TOO MUCH for TOO LONG can create a problem. I do, however, wish that there was more of an emphasis on how Riley learns to manage her emotions. What if her Sense of Self had been the main character who manages the emotions? Ah, but maybe I’m moving into therapy mode and should leave the role-selection process to the creators.

As a mom, I love that the movie reminded me how fickle, intense and disorienting teenage emotions can be and that I shouldn’t get too worked up about it (that’s my OWN anxiety taking the helm and planning for the worst case scenario).  Rather, I should try to enjoy the roller coaster, be present, and appreciate the highs, while at the same time be a steady and supportive presence during the twists, turns and lows. 

Another crucial lesson for parents: we cannot figure this out for them!  Our kids have to figure out how to manage their big emotions on their own. Our job is to allow them to have new life experiences (Riley’s parents allowed her to go to ice hockey tryouts even in the midst of some super intense teen angst), but be a safe place for them when they are in need of love, guidance and support.  

There are so many great reminders and lessons throughout the movie. Here are a few more of the highlights:

😀 All emotions (even the uncomfortable ones) serve a purpose!

😭 It’s not good to bottle uncomfortable emotions and hide from bad memories.  

😟 You can’t expect to be happy ALL the time….that just isn’t normal or healthy!

😳 If big emotions stay around too long it can be a problem, so it is important to learn how to manage them.

😋 Your sense of self (who you are) changes/evolves over time as you gain new experiences, memories and emotions.  

🫣 Anxiety is future-oriented, has a lot of energy and can be VERY misleading!

I highly recommend seeing the movie with your kids)! It offers some great discussion springboards and essential lessons to help us all raise emotionally healthy teens (and even gain some personal insights to help).  

For more great tips and insights from Dr. Cara Reeves, Girlology’s Director of Mental Health, become a Girlology member. Did you know Girlology offers grade-by-grade video playlists to support her and you — on ALL.THE.TOPICS from mental health to puberty, periods, skin care, body image and more! Learn More Here.

As parents, we work hard to find the right pediatrician for our babies – one that we trust to care for our precious littles and support us as parents. But as our littles become bigs – it may be time to reassess the fit for your family. Lots of wonderful pediatricians transition to teen care beautifully, but sometimes your child may deserve a different provider. 

When my daughter hit 12, and definitely by 13, I expected her to have some “alone time” with her doctor, but the visits went by with me in the room. Honestly, it didn’t bother me too much. I mean, she had ME. I was talking with her about ALL.THE.THINGS, and I’m pretty sure her pediatrician knew that..  

But at the 14 year old visit (high school, right?), her doctor asked her all the questions about depression, sexual activity, and substance use IN FRONT OF ME. 🙅🏻‍♀️😶 

I have to say I was not happy. As a teen, my daughter deserves to have confidential conversations with a doctor SHE trusts. Ignoring the importance of confidentiality is not the way to build trust with tweens and teens. And trust ME – they need as many trusted adults as they can find (have I said trust enough?).

Many parents might believe they SHOULD be present for those questions, but we know in adolescent medicine that it’s not a good idea. We’ve all had too many discussions with absolutely great kids who were not being honest with their parent about things like vaping, alcohol, sex, or even their depression and anxiety symptoms.

As a mom, I know we don’t want to think about our kids hiding their risky behaviors or deep feelings from us, but sometimes they just do.

They don’t want to disappoint us. 

They don’t want to get in trouble. 

They don’t want another lecture.

They don’t think it’s a big deal.

But here’s the thing about confidential medical care: when a healthcare provider ensures confidentiality and can have a heart to heart talk with them, they open up and are amazingly honest. And I’ve never met a healthcare provider for teens that wasn’t dead set on helping them follow a path toward safety and wellness. We’re all on the same team. (Btw, if a young person discloses thoughts or behaviors that are life-threatening for themself or others, doctors are required to report that to a parent and/or the appropriate authorities). 

So – back to my story… 

I asked my daughter if she thought most teens give honest answers when they were asked those questions in front of a parent. 

She just 😂🤣🤭.

So, for her 15 year old check up, I took her to her new pediatrician. Her new doc spent a chunk of time with us together, gathering medical history and asking about my concerns, then she said BUH BYE 👋🏼 to me, and whisked my girl off for a separate chat, making her feel confident about her confidentiality.

On the way home, of course I asked what they talked about. 

Her reply? 

“That was between me and Dr Natalie. I don’t have to tell you.” (btw – that’s SO 15!). 

Perfect answer. I trust that I’ll be informed if there are serious concerns, but now, I know my teen has a trusted healthcare provider she can confide in, and I know she’ll get advice that is focused on helping her stay safe, informed, and healthy.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. ✅

Did you know Girlology offers grade-by-grade video playlists to support her and you — on ALL.THE.TOPICS she should be talking with her doctor about! Learn More Here.

In the world before the Internet, how did our mothers know so much about staying healthy? They definitely did the best they could. They instructed us in their health tips, and we accepted them as facts. 

BUT WERE THEY? 

Do you remember any of these “mom-said-so”-isms? 

❌ If you go out in the cold with wet hair, you’ll get pneumonia.

❌ Cracking your knuckles will make them big.

❌ If you swallow chewing gum, it will take 7 years to digest.

❌ Swimming too soon after eating will give you cramps and you could drown!

 I cherish the wisdom my mom passed down to me, but I also chuckle at the “body” and “medical” advice she dished out with GREAT confidence but ZERO evidence (btw – all mom facts above are false)! 

 One of the things she told me when I first started my period was that I was too young to use tampons. And after more than twenty years as a gynecologist, it’s clear she wasn’t the only one saying that. I hear it all the time from concerned moms.

“Can she use tampons this young?” 

At the same time, some of us are determined to be more forward-thinking than our mothers, so we might be tempted to say, “GO FOR IT – ALL YOU WANT!” 

But that would start a NEW myth that could be dangerous.

So the medically accurate answer?

Yes, but with caution.

What’s the worry?

Let me say first and foremost, there is no worry about taking away “virginity” or harming her delicate anatomy. Tampons are a hygiene tool that have nothing to do with sex or virginity (the concept of virginity is another whole blog…). And by the time she starts her period, her vagina is big enough for a tampon.

For her health, the only concern is toxic shock syndrome (TSS), a very rare but serious bacterial infection that has been associated with tampon use and is more common in younger users. For more on that, just click on the links to understand TSS, its warning signs, and how to reduce her risk for it. 

If you care about the WHY….

The vagina takes years to mature. In the time between her first breast bud and her first period, estrogen is helping to thicken the walls of the vagina and encouraging the growth of healthy bacteria that will control the pH and create the natural and healthy balance of “good” bacteria that we refer to as the microbiome (yes, the vagina has one, too). Even after she starts menstruating, the vaginal microbiome will continue to mature for several more years before her vagina has the protection of a mature microbiome and local immune system that helps fight the bacteria that can cause TSS. 

So what’s safe?

Although we don’t have specific studies examining the impact of tampons on the maturing vaginal microbiome, most experts recommend that for the first few years of menstruation, girls should avoid using tampons longer than needed, and should not use them around the clock. I know that’s not very specific, but the main idea is to “limit leaving things in the vagina” as much as possible so the microbiome can keep maturing without disruption through the early years of menstruating.

Prepare her

If she’s ready to use tampons, make sure she knows how they work, tips for inserting, and how to use them safely. We have all of that covered in our Class for Girls: All About Tampons.  

Organic or not?

Finally, if you’re asking that – you’re in good company. It’s one of the most common questions we hear related to products. The answer might surprise you, but we’ve got that covered in this blog: Are Period Products Harming Our Daughters?  

Let’s keep looking to science and asking the questions that allow us to raise informed, prepared, and healthy daughters – without myths or reckless abandon!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

 We know our Girlology community has moms with girls of all ages, and questions about birth control may not be on your radar. But whether you have a current or future teen, some essential facts can prepare you as you and your girl head toward adolescence where you’re both sure to encounter LOTS of MYTHS. 

For many teens, some form of birth control will be used to treat or help manage health issues such as menstrual migraines, acne, anemia, painful periods, endometriosis, ovarian cysts, bleeding disorders and other complex medical conditions. Some teens will need pregnancy prevention. And sometimes, a girl just wants to make her periods less disruptive for reasons that might be related to athletic performance, an upcoming vacation, or just because. 

When it comes to all the reasons a teen might need some help with hormones, the most common choice is birth control pills. Sure, there are other methods that may be more reliable like the shot, IUD or implant, but in this piece, I’m focusing on “the pill” which contains both estrogen and progesterone (not to be confused with the “mini-pill which contains ONLY progesterone, is less effective for teens, and was recently approved for over the counter sales without a prescription). 

In medicine, “the pill” is also referred to as oral contraceptive pills (ocp) or Combined Hormonal Contraceptives (a grouping that also includes the birth control patch and vaginal contraceptive ring which are both as effective as the pill and are used for many of the same reasons – the hormones are just absorbed through the skin or the vaginal walls)

So let me get to the 5 most common myths we hear from patients in the office. The facts I present are based on decades of medical research. I hope this helps you and your daughter make decisions that are grounded in reality – not myths or unfounded claims from self-appointed birth control experts on tik tok who are trying to sell supplements, wellness coaching, or some other unproven cure. If you want a deeper discussion on birth control safety and research, watch this video: Is It OK for Her to Take Birth Control Pills?

Myth 1

❌ Birth control pills cause weight gain.

Lots and lots of studies have looked at weight and birth control methods and the bottom line is – birth control pills are weight neutral. They don’t cause weight gain. They don’t cause weight loss. However, teens are naturally and normally supposed to gain body fat as they mature into young adulthood, so they WILL gain weight as they develop. AND, as teens become more independent, changes in their eating habits and activity levels are the other cause for significant weight gain. Only one birth control method has consistently shown weight gain, especially among teens who are already overweight – that is Depo-Provera or the birth control shot.

Myth 2

❌ Birth control pills increase her risk for breast cancer.

Teens who take birth control pills do not have an increased lifetime risk of breast cancer. This includes teens with a family history of breast cancer and even the BRCA genetic mutation for breast cancer risk. BUT, birth control pills have been proven to REDUCE the risk for ovarian cancer, endometrial cancer, and colon cancer.

Myth 3

❌ Birth control pills cause depression.

Ok. Bear with me on this one. Depression and other mood disorders are especially common among adolescent girls, and lots of adolescent girls take birth control pills. So there are some challenges to getting a clear answer regarding whether the pill contributes to depression or depression shows up and she just happens to also be on it. Either way, it’s important to look for an answer – and LOTS of researchers have tried. Unfortunately, numerous studies have found no clear link. However, one fairly recent, well-designed study out of Denmark got a lot of media attention when it showed an association (not a cause) between all hormonal birth control methods and depression; and the link was more significant among teens.

Interestingly, in that study, the biggest risk of depression occurred with progesterone-only contraceptives (which include the IUD, implant, shot, and mini-pill) but it was less with traditional birth control pills (which contain estrogen and progesterone). Also, the increase in depression was SLIGHT. 

For women not on birth control, the baseline rate of depression was 1.7 per 1000 people. For those using birth control, the depression rate was 2.3 per 1000. The difference was statistically significant, but in real life, that’s a very small increase. And that’s the best data we have after decades of looking at this issue.

The bottom line is that every individual can respond differently to medications, so it’s always important to pay attention to side effects or any concerns after starting a new prescription, including birth control pills. It is still accurate to share that the risk of pills causing or worsening depression is very very small, but if it happens to you, we want to know because we can try another formulation of pill or another method!

Myth 4

❌ Teens should be placed on the lowest dose birth control pills.

This is another myth that many moms find surprising. First, understand that almost ALL ocps prescribed today are by definition “low dose,” which means the amount of estrogen (ethinyl estradiol) is 35 mcg or less, but “low doses” range from 10 – 35 mcg.

Secondly, adolescence is the most important time in a female’s life for building bone density. Although estrogen is known to strengthen bones, and birth control pills contain estrogen – all doses do not have the same effect. For teens, optimal bone density development doesn’t happen when the pill has doses of the estrogen that are lower than 30 mcg. That means the ultra low dose 10 mcg pills and even the commonly prescribed 20 mcg doses may be harmful to her bone development.

Besides bones, the lower doses of ocps tend to have more breakthrough bleeding (spotting) and are not always the best at controlling pain and heavy bleeding – all things that make her stop her pills. 

For these reasons, most contraceptive experts treating adolescents recommend birth control pills with 30-35 mcg of the estrogen component. 

Myth 5

❌ Birth control pills make it harder to get pregnant in the future.

False. The reality is that taking birth control pills during the reproductive years has been shown to be slightly protective of future fertility and definitely does not harm or reduce someone’s ability to get pregnant once they are off the pill. This fact is related to the rates of pelvic inflammatory disease (a sexually transmitted infection that spreads into the uterus and fallopian tubes), which are lower among women on the pill than those not on hormonal birth control. 

 

For teens, there are very few contraindications for using hormonal birth control, and the most important thing to know is that any form of birth control (pills, patch, ring, shot, IUD, implant) is safer than pregnancy – always. 

One more thing – 

There are over 150 brands and generic formulations of birth control pills on the market in the U.S. and there are not many physicians who understand the differences between the formulations. However, the majority of teens who start birth control pills will do fine with the one they are given. Those who don’t respond or have significant side effects will usually do better with a different formulation that is wisely selected based on her symptoms. There is no doubt, however, that some people just don’t tolerate or like birth control pills.

For more on birth control and teens, check out the following short tips for Girlology members:

Understanding Side Effects of Birth Control Pills

How to Manage Period Problems with Birth Control Pills 

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

A neighbor’s 13 year old daughter recently took a trip to our local urgent care center because of pain in the lower part of her belly. The pain was sharp and shooting, on her left side. She’s a tough kid, but it was enough to make her cry.

After her evaluation and a pelvic ultrasound turned up nothing worrisome, she was told she “probably had ruptured an ovarian cyst.” 

Maybe. But probably not.

Belly pain in teens can cause a lot of concern and confusion. Concern because there are a lot of vital parts housed in the abdomen. Confusion because the pain isn’t always felt exactly over it’s source, and the intensity doesn’t always match the seriousness of the cause. Horrible pain can result from something as simple as gas; and appendicitis pain can be mild and vague. It’s confusing even for doctors.

On top of that, if your child happens to be a reproductive age female, (and as a member of our community, that’s pretty likely), let me just tell you now that whenever she has pain below her belly button, it is highly likely that someone will blame that pain on her ovaries. 

Even though it’s definitely possible, I want to make sure you don’t ovary-act (get it?) until you know more. 

Remember the book, “If You Give  a Mouse a Cookie?” Sometimes it can be like that.

🍪 If a a reproductive age female sees a doctor for pain that involves anything below her belly button, it is very likely that someone will order an ultrasound.

🍪 If she gets an ultrasound, they will probably see a cyst on her ovary — or several (small cysts on the ovaries are super common in teens). 

🍪 If they see a cyst on her ovary, it is also likely that they will blame her pain on that cyst and refer her to a gynecologist.

🍪 If she goes to the gynecologist, she is likely to learn 3 very important things that I have covered in THIS VIDEO tip. You can watch it here and avoid over reacting.

But when do we ovaryact? I mean ACT because of an ovarian issue? There are times that warrant ovary action (usually in the form of out-patient surgery)

🥚 If the cyst is large (think softball sized) and doesn’t go away on it’s own after 6-8 weeks (make sure she keeps the follow up appointments to recheck size)

🥚 If it isn’t just a thin walled cyst full of fluid, but has a thick or irregular wall or solid parts inside that are more consistent with a “tumor” (keep in mind that almost all ovarian “tumors” in adolescents are BENIGN, meaning not cancer).

🥚 If she has a cyst and develops severe pain with nausea and vomiting and there is concern for ovarian torsion (which means the ovary has twisted causing the blood vessels that serve it to also twist and reduce or block blood flow to the ovary).

OBVIOUSLY, her doctor is the best person to guide you if faced with any of these scenarios, but it’s always good to understand our ovaries!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists outlining on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Ovaries to emotions! Learn More 

Recently, I found something helpful – really helpful. I landed on some work by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., a health psychologist who is re-engineering the way we should think about stress. She does a beautiful job translating neuroscience research into practical tips for health. And since right now is a perfect time to practice stress management, I wanted to share two interesting ideas.

If you rethink the way you see stress, it can change your health.

We’ve taught for decades that stress makes you sick. Newer neuroscience research is finding that your mindset matters. Stress only makes you sick IF you believe it’s bad for you. In fact, if you see stress as something that helps you prepare for challenges ahead, it actually creates health. If we change the way we think about stress, we can actually change our body’s response to it.

Stress creates a natural need for connection with other humans

This point is super cool and taught me something new about oxytocin. You may know oxytocin as the “cuddle” hormone; it’s released when we nurse our baby or when we are wrapped in a warm hug. 

What I didn’t realize is that oxytocin is also a stress hormone (as much as adrenaline is), and it offers natural anti-inflammatory effects – therefore it’s healing. Its release prompts us to seek support from others. When we connect with others, we get even more oxytocin, and that helps us heal faster. Through another study, she showed how caring for others creates resilience to the  health conditions typically related to stress. 

Dr. McGonigal sums it up best in two sentences:

“When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage. When you choose to connect with others under stress, you can create resilience.”

The world is stressful right now for all of us, but especially for young people who have brains with a heightened sensitivity to fear and worry. It can help us all to know that we have some control over how we allow the stress to affect us. As your child’s biggest health influencer, you can help them reframe their mindset around stress (while working on it yourself). 

• How is stress preparing us for something ahead? 
• How are we connecting with others to help us de-stress? 
• Can we explore ways to care for others? 

These are simple and proven steps that can help you to help your children grow resilience. Have you seen these things work in your own life? Sharing our stories of overcoming hardships and stress also help us connect with each other and grow through it  – together.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists outlining on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

Over the past 2 decades, kid’s exposure to porn has become so common, it is now considered a normative experience rather than an exception. And the content, which is freely and easily accessible from any smartphone, has become more and more explicit, violent, and honestly – weird. That’s how the porn industry keeps folks coming back for more.

For emerging adolescents with a healthy dose of curiosity – especially about sex (which is normal!), porn is a powerful magnet. Perhaps if we had reliable, comprehensive sexuality education in all schools, kids would be less likely to look to porn for their sex ed. Obviously, porn will not make them the “sexperts” they hope to be. Instead, it is having serious effects on the way young people explore and experience intimacy and sexual behaviors. But I digress… 

Research from the National Center for Sexual Exploitation tells us that 64% of kids age 13+ actively seek out porn at least weekly. But even if they’re not intentionally seeking it out, it’s so ubiquitous online that many land on it unintentionally. That’s why the average age of exposure to porn is 8-11. 

I know.
It can feel terrifying. 

But you know what we moms do every day?

We handle scary things.

Protecting our kids from the harms of porn is intimidating, but it’s necessary if we want our children to grow up feeling confident in advocating for their body, voicing both their desires and their boundaries, and prepared to explore their emerging sexuality at the right time and in healthy ways. That requires preparing them (ALL of them) for what they are likely to encounter online and helping them understand the differences between healthy sexuality and pornography.

To support our members’ requests for help with these conversations, we created a resource: 10 Conversations to Have with Your Kids about Porn. In it, we present the following conversation topics that can help every kid gain important insights and understanding as they explore their normal and healthy curiosities about sex. For each topic below, our downloadable resource offers sample scripts and specific suggestions for introducing and expanding on each topic. 

These ten conversations start with simple topics appropriate for any age and transition into more complex conversations that are more appropriate for older kids. 

• Curiosity is normal.
• Looking at it doesn’t make you a bad person.
• Once you see it, you can’t “unsee” it.
• When you saw it, how did it make you feel?
• Trying to hide it from me doesn’t help you.
• What can you say to remove yourself from watching it with friends?
• It’s not a “how to” lesson.
• Porn can affect how you feel about your body.
• Porn desensitizes you to violence.
• It can become addictive and affect your sexual function.

To get the full support of this 3 page downloadable resource, members can find it linked below this video, “5 Tips for Discussing Pornography with Kids.” We also offer a deeper discussion, “What Every Parent Needs to Know about Porn.” 

If you want your middle schooler to have a resource that addresses porn in an age-appropriate way, we cover it on our class, “Be You: Learning Self Care and Growing Self-Confidence.”

We’re here to help YOU be HER best guide – even through the tough stuff. If you’re not yet a member, we’d love to have you join our community. You can try it free for 7 days HERE.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists outlining on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

October means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I want you to know that your daughters are more aware than you know, and sometimes it makes them anxious. 😥

They take in messaging about the signs of breast cancer, like knots or lumps, and they worry — especially when they have those breast “buds” that show up as hard knots beneath the nipple. 

We know they worry because we get hundreds of questions from them every month. And when we talk with girls in-person, we witness their sigh of relief once we explain that those tender, hard knots that “bud” are normal and not cancer. 

If we want to reduce girls’ anxiety, it’s important to help them worry less about their bodies. So in this breast focused month, we want to raise awareness that girls worry a lot about their breasts and they deserve answers. 

Want to know what worries them most? Below are actual questions sent to us from girls. These represent some of the more common themes they worry about. We’ve presented them word for word. Somebody please help them with punctuation and capitalization 🙃. Of course, we’ve provided links to answers you can share with her from our library. 

If you’re not yet a Girlology member, you can listen to a live discussion Dr. Trish and I had about these questions and more on Facebook HERE. We also have a helpful article for her HERE.

 Ready for the Questions?

Q: “do i need to wear a bra? how do i ask for one? HELP! im 12” 

A: Do I have to wear a bra?

 

Q: “Am i supposed to check my breasts every month and how do i do that?”

A: When should she start self breast exams? 

 

Q: “can i eat anything to make them grow or do any type of work out? please help me i don’t want to look like a pancake none of my tops fit me because i have nothing there!!!!”

A: That question and other commons ones about size are covered in this segment of our on-demand video class, “What to Expect When Your Breasts Bud.”

 

Q: “I have a knot under my nipple and i’m scared its cancer and how do i tell my mum?”

A: Should I worry about a knot under her nipple? 

 

Q: “If the bud is gone will they still grow?”

A: This one’s also covered in this class.

 

Q: “I’m 12 and already a 34D it’s really embarrassing at school (7th grade) because of boys. My mom said if they get bigger I might need a reduction which I’m scared about.”

A: Help for girls with larger breasts

I think we could all use a little less worry in our lives, and there are a LOT more questions like these. Help your daughter get the information she needs to feel confident about her changing body. Girlology is here to guide and support you.

One more thing… if you’re over 40 and haven’t had a mammogram, make that appointment, and talk with your doctor about your individualized breast cancer risk assessment. That will help your daughter worry less about YOU (remember, they’re more aware than you realize)! 💝

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists outlining on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

The self consciousness that arrives during puberty for almost every girl isn’t just related to her changing body. Her changing brain heightens her awareness of how others perceive her. Are they judging her? Most likely, she thinks they are, even when they’re not.

A friend recently shared with me that her daughter was struggling with a school assignment, and when mom suggested she ask a classmate or talk with her teacher, she had a list of excuses —

• She didn’t want to bother anyone.
• She didn’t want to look stupid
• She didn’t want them to think she wasn’t paying attention when the assignment was discussed.
• She was worried she would feel judged and ultimately embarrassed.

 

Why is asking for help so hard? 

We’ve had to address this same struggle in our own home, and one thing I shared with my daughter that seemed to resonate was this: 

 

It’s important to remember that asking someone else to help you, doesn’t make them judge you; it makes them care more about you. When they have personally invested their energy into helping you, they want to see you succeed and they are more likely to support you.

This is similar to something the business world calls the IKEA effect. Basically, people place a higher value on things they personally help create. It’s also likely they care more about people they personally help. Maybe this resonated for her because she and I recently assembled a pain-in-the-arse dresser from IKEA that we both excessively adore now.

If your daughter doesn’t fall for the business psychology explanation – maybe she’ll listen to the GOAT* – Simone Biles, *Greatest Of All Times gymnast who spoke to the national meeting of the American Academy of Pediatrics after withdrawing from the Olympic finals a couple years ago.

If anyone can relate to being fearful of judgment and humiliation, it’s Simone. But she has bravely asked for help on more than one occasion and learned to express her needs honestly.

 

She asked pediatricians to share this message with their patients:

“It’s scary speaking up at a younger age, but if you start telling your parent or peers what you are going through, they can understand and can get you help quicker so you won’t have to struggle alone… As humans , we don’t want to be a burden and want to figure it out on our own, but at the end of the day, sometimes it’s not possible and we have to ask for help, and that’s OK.”

 

How did it go when the GOAT asked for help?  

“…For my decision in Tokyo, I expected more backlash, but what I got was an overwhelming outpouring of support and love and understanding…”

And just look at where she is now. She got the help she needed, and has made an incredible comeback (if you haven’t seen – she’s crushing it in competition again)! 

So, if your child is resistant to speaking up or asking for help, it may be a temporary hiccup that resolves with a little pep talk and support. A bit of self-consciousness is a normal part of adolescent development that waxes and wanes in different situations.

However, if your child is not able to participate in her usual activities because of an outright fear of being judged or humiliated — she may have full blown social anxiety which definitely should activate a call to your pediatrician or a child & adolescent psychologist.

We have a lot more content on anxiety including a deeper discussion HERE that offers parenting tips to help her overcome social discomfort, and a tool HERE to help determine whether she has normal anxieties or may have an anxiety disorder.  

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More