In the coming weeks, more than ever, we need to pay attention to our health – mental and physical. I know you hear that all the time, but I also know that personally, sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to lift my head and DO.THE.THINGS that I know are important (but are so easy to let slide). 

Call it a seasonal reset, but it’s more than just Fall y’all. Election season + flu/RSV/Covid season add more urgency to the effort. 

A couple weeks ago, I sat down and made a list of things I’m committed to (or recommitting to). Four things on my list are so simple and probably have the best return on investment.

✅ I’ve muted or deleted a bunch of accounts on my social media channels and replied STOP to the unwanted political texts. Maybe I’m late to this insight, but when I scroll, I want to be inspired, entertained, or educated, and not feel infuriated, insulted, or incredulous. Keeping politics AND “self-improvement” posts out of my feed is good for my wellbeing right now. As I opt for humor, authenticity, and inspiration, I also find that I’m spending less time scrolling because I feel good, and I move on. When I’m fuming over frustrating content, I tend to spend more time in my head arguing or generating snarky responses – which I rarely send, btw – total waste of time and energy.

✅ I’ve extended my walking route to keep me outside longer each day. Exercise and being outdoors both have significant mental health benefits, and Fall is my favorite season. This one’s a no brainer for me. Spending more time outside watching the season unfold is like a gift. Every day, I discover some lovely surprise – subtle color changes, new Halloween decorations, a pomegranate tree full of fruit — who knew that would even grow in my neighborhood?! When we allow ourselves to be delighted, even by simple things, it can have a big impact on mood and outlook.

I also bought a couple new books on Audible that I’m really excited to listen to, and I only allow myself to listen when I’m walking. It’s my motivation and reward for getting outside to exercise. 

✅ I restocked or replaced the things I rely on to keep my house clean and my family less germy: hand sanitizer (one for each car and each backpack), tissues, cleaning supplies, hand soap (that smells like Fall), air filters. Having plenty of these things on hand and a few fun variations gives me peace of mind. 

✅ I got my flu & Covid vaccines (and made sure my entire family got theirs). Getting sick this time of year can be confusing with Influenza, RSV, and Covid having so many overlapping symptoms. Getting your seasonal vaccines protects you and the people around you and it can reduce the strain on healthcare systems. Plus, nobody likes missing out on Fall fun because they’re sick. Flu before “BOO!” has been a mantra for years, but since it’s already Halloween, just make a plan to get it soon if you haven’t already!

I hope in this confluence of seasons, you’re making the effort to stay healthy and to be your daughters’ greatest influencer when it comes to health and wellness.

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We all have a basic human need for physical affection – to be touched in ways that feel safe and comforting, or sometimes in ways that simply create pleasure. 

A back rub can be relaxing. 👍🏼

A long hug – nourishing. 😌

Scratching an itch – incredibly satisfying. 😬

And whether someone else is helping, or we’re handling it ourselves, there are some things that just feel sooooooooo gooood. Right? 😊

So, we need to talk about self-touch. Masturbation. It’s a topic that so many parents tell me they have trouble with – especially when they think about their little girl having big girl desires. 😳

But let me help reduce some of the awkwardness by reminding you that your adolescent is already aware that touching her own genitals feels great. She’s known since she was a baby.

We tend to smile knowingly when our babies discover their genitals during diaper changes. And I’ve definitely laughed with other moms over the ways we discovered our preschoolers asleep with their favorite lovie stuffed in their underwear. 🧸

Little kids are unapologetic about the pleasure of masturbation (that’s why we had to teach them where and when it’s appropriate). 

It’s a self-soothing behavior for children.

It’s the same for adolescents, and it only becomes awkward if we make it that way. So I encourage you to have a matter-of-fact conversation about it with your budding teen.

No, you don’t have to teach them HOW.

You don’t even have to encourage it. 

But I do suggest that you have a conversation about it so you can acknowledge that it’s normal, offer permission, and reassure her that she should have no embarrassment about exploring her body in a way that feels good to her. 

As my own daughters entered the teen years and began to show interest in romantic affection with a partner, I made a point to tell each one that she could probably make her body feel better sexually than an awkward teenaged partner could – and that it’s perfectly fine and even preferred for her to figure out “those feelings” on her own before letting someone else try to figure it out for her. 

It may feel awkward to share that as a parent, but it’s true – so why not reassure her that it’s not only fine, it’s a good idea when sexual desires emerge (which is developmentally NORMAL & EXPECTED). 

Girls who grow up feeling aware and informed about their bodies and how they work have greater confidence and feel more agency over their own bodies as they enter future relationships. 💪🏼

If you need extra support for this conversation, we have more help HERE and HERE. You’ve got this! 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

I’m definitely a list maker, and with the back-to-school shuffle, I have more lists than usual. Besides the normal ones…school supplies, appointments, etc., I also have one big fat list of TALKS I want to have with my daughter before the new school year begins.

I can just see her 🙄 at the prospect of more “talks,” but I know for a fact, that reminders matter. As the adolescent brain is developing, they benefit from hearing the same message in multiple contexts – so I feel justified.  Also, I’m not talking about reminders to clean her room or wear her retainer. What’s more important to me are the things that can boost her mental and emotional health as a new school year starts.

So, here are my top five (for this week anyway) 😏

✅ I’ll give her permission to seek confidential help or advice from trusted adults other than her Dad and me. I’ll definitely endorse her big sisters, my best friend, her aunt, and ask if there’s another adult she wants to add to the list. And I’ll also let these adults know I’ve entrusted them to “follow” her, provide advice if she seeks it (or if they see she needs it).

It takes a village, and she needs elders who care about her.

✅ I’ll remind her that she should pay attention to “her gut” which sometimes shows up as “her natural instinct,” “her intuition,” or  “the “voice in her head.” This represents the collective voices of her family’s values, her faith, and her honest heart.

She really wants to do the right thing.

✅ I’ll also remind her that her “inner voice” or “self talk” can sometimes sound super critical, saying mean or ugly things to herself. When that happens, she should talk back to that voice in the same way she would speak to a friend.

Self love can be hard.

✅ I’ll tell her my hopes and expectations for her behavior, specifically around the challenges that come with adolescence like honesty, relationships, social media posts, and substances. We’ll agree on appropriate consequences for choosing to ignore the rules. The choices will be hers, as will the consequences.

She feels safer with boundaries.

✅ I’ll remind her that there will always be people who seem to have more fun, more freedom, more money, more friends, more popularity, nicer stuff, better grades, and more skills than she does. She is not in competition with anyone but herself, and once she accepts this, she can focus on doing her personal best and sharing in others’ successes.

She is enough.

Dr. Trish and I actually incorporated some of these skills (changing self-talk, boosting confidence, putting media messages in perspective…) into our Class for middle schoolers called, Be You. If your child needs a little pep talk in these areas (and who doesn’t?), it can give her some back to school skills, reminders, and confidence! Like all of our classes, this one is available to Girlology members.

I better get to it! What talks will you be having with your kids? Hit reply, and let me know!

Happy chatting! 🗣

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others? Learn More HERE.