During the three to five years that it takes for a girl to get through puberty, there’s a LOT of stuff going on. Some of the changes can be exciting, but many create anxiety. Girls worry most about whether their body is changing in a normal way. They worry if they are first to develop; they worry if they are developing later than all of their friends. And when bodies are changing and doing new things that they don’t understand, they worry that something is wrong.

When girls understand what’s normal and expected, they face the changes with greater confidence and less anxiety. After two decades of leading girls’ puberty eduction programs and receiving thousands of questions through our website, we know what girls (and their moms) worry about the most. Below, we present five things that your daughter needs to know about puberty before it happens (so she won’t worry!).

Breast buds are not cancer.

The first sign of breast development is a firm knot under the areola, called a breast bud. Often, one side “buds” first, then the other bud shows up weeks or months later. Breast cancer awareness has made such great strides that even little girls know that lumps in the breast are concerning. Many young girls have had family members with breast cancer, and they worry that their own breast bud is also cancer. Girls (and moms) need to understand that the tender knots that happen under the areola between the ages of 7 and 12 are not cancer, but are caused by normal breast development and will disappear in time. For help with breast concerns, go HERE.

Vaginal discharge is normal.

Women don’t typically talk about vaginal discharge during every day conversations, so many girls have never heard of it. When girls start to notice a new wetness or “crust” in their underwear, many have no idea what it is or if it’s normal. There are a few things that they need to know about discharge: it begins soon after breasts begin to develop; it is the way the vagina cleans itself; and it’s something that all girls and women have (even though they don’t usually talk about it!). In early puberty, vaginal discharge can be irritating to the sensitive vulvar skin (until the hair fills in and helps keep the discharge off of the skin), so knowing how to manage it is helpful, too (we cover that in our Puberty class available to subscribers).

Nobody can tell you’re on your period unless you tell them.

Do you remember thinking that people could see your bulky pad through your clothes? Did you ever believe that others could tell you were having your period by the way you looked, smelled or acted? Girls today still worry about these things, but they’re simply not true. Young girls want reassurance that others cannot tell when they are having their period. As they mature and get used to menstruation, however, we hope that they will have the confidence to not care if others know they are having a period, because periods are NORMAL! Make sure she’s prepared and confident with this class.

Emotions come from experiences, not hormones.

Adults may need this lesson more than girls, but everyone should understand that emotions are not caused by hormones. Emotions are reactions to things that people experience and feel. Sure, hormonal changes can make emotional reactions bigger, but as girls enter puberty, help them get in the habit of naming their emotions and identifying what triggers them. This is a valuable skill that will help them throughout adolescence and into adulthood. Girls (and boys) are especially empowered when they find healthy ways to identify, express, and manage their emotions, especially the more difficult ones like sadness, anger, jealously or disappointment.

Your body is amazing.

With all the body shaming and unrealistic body images that dominate the media and our culture, too many girls grow up believing they are not pretty enough, thin enough or fit enough. As puberty brings on changes in body size and shape, girls need to practice trusting and caring for their body. They need to know it is amazing because of the things it can do. Help girls value their body for what it helps them accomplish. Help them normalize NORMAL and recognize that the “ideal” created by the media and fashion industry is mostly unattainable and often unhealthy. Finally, be someone who models respect for body diversity and values others for their actions and deeds over appearances. Our video class How to Like Your Body was created to help girls develop this mindset and the practices that prevent body dislike.

 

 

 

One afternoon when I was driving carpool, my daughter’s friend was telling us about how much she enjoys running cross country. She listed several things that make it her favorite sport—being outside in nature, running with friends, getting exercise—but one of those things was “and I don’t have my period during cross country season. It’s great!“

To which the other three girls in the car reacted with jealous comments that they might join cross country for that!

As an ob-gyn, I wanted nothing more than a giant red flag to wave around that car. I knew I had to chat with her mom and the cross country coach—and ultimately the entire team—about something called RED-S.

Here’s why.

Her Period Is Actually a Vital Sign

I get it. Periods can be inconvenient, messy, and sometimes uncomfortable. But it’s really important to understand that having a regular menstrual cycle is actually one of the best indicators that her body has enough energy to do all the amazing things it needs to do—including building strong bones, maintaining a strong immune system, and yes, performing well in sports.

When her period stops or becomes irregular during intense training, it’s not a perk. It’s her body waving a red flag that says, “Hey! I don’t have enough fuel to keep everything running!“

What Is RED-S?

RED-S stands for Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport. It’s what happens when athletes don’t eat enough calories to support both their training AND all the other things their bodies need energy for—like growing, thinking, healing, and having periods.

Think of it this way: The body is like a phone. If it’s constantly being used all day but only charged to 20%, eventually it’s going to shut down some functions to conserve battery. The body does the same thing when it doesn’t get enough “charge” (fuel in the form of calories). It starts shutting down things it considers “non-essential”—and unfortunately, the reproductive system is one of the first to be affected.

The Three Big Problems

When we first started recognizing this pattern in female athletes, we called it the “Female Athlete Triad” because it involved three interconnected problems:

1. Not eating enough for activity level – Sometimes this is intentional (trying to stay lean for a sport), and sometimes it’s unintentional (just not realizing how much fuel she actually needs). Most active teen girls need at least 2,000-2,400 calories per day, and athletes need even more. 
2. Missing or irregular periods – When the body doesn’t have enough energy, it saves energy by shutting down the hormones that control the menstrual cycle. 
3. Weak bones – Those same hormones (especially estrogen) are also what help build strong bones. When estrogen levels are low and periods stop, girls are not building bone density during the exact years when they’re supposed to be. This means stress fractures now and possibly osteoporosis as early as young adulthood. 

The Red Flags

How do you know if your daughter or someone you care about might have RED-S? Look for these warning signs:

• Missing periods or very irregular cycles
• Frequent injuries, especially stress fractures
• Always feeling tired or run-down
• Performance getting worse instead of better
• Getting sick a lot
• Overly focused on food, weight, or body composition

What to Do About It

The good news? RED-S is treatable. The main goal is to restore energy balance:

Increase calories. She might need to add 300-600 calories per day, with a focus on protein and carbohydrates. Working with a sports nutritionist is really helpful.

Possibly reduce training. Sometimes athletes need to dial back training by 10-20% temporarily to let the body recover.

Build bone health. Ensure she’s getting enough calcium (1,200 mg daily) and vitamin D (1,280-2,000 IU daily) through food and supplements.

Get her period back naturally. Once energy balance is restored, her period should return on its own within a few months. That’s how you know she’s getting better. (And no, birth control pills don’t fix this—they just mask the problem.)

Work with a team. The best treatment involves her doctor, a sports nutritionist, possibly a mental health counselor, her coach, and you—all working together.

Back to That Carpool Conversation

After that carpool ride, I did reach out to my daughter’s friend’s mom. We had a good conversation, and together we connected with the coach. The result? The whole cross country team got education about RED-S, several girls got evaluated by their doctors, and the team culture shifted to emphasize healthy fueling.

That runner? She’s doing great now, with regular periods and no stress fractures. And she still loves cross country—maybe even more, because now she has the energy to truly enjoy it.

If your daughter is an athlete who’s missing periods, please don’t brush it off. Her period isn’t just an inconvenience—it’s a vital sign. And when it goes missing, her body is trying to tell you something important.

Listen to it. Her future self will thank you.

Download the Girlology App in the app store or on google play.

In the world before the Internet, how did our mothers know so much about staying healthy? They definitely did the best they could. They instructed us in their health tips, and we accepted them as facts. 

BUT WERE THEY? 

Do you remember any of these “mom-said-so”-isms? 

❌ If you go out in the cold with wet hair, you’ll get pneumonia.

❌ Cracking your knuckles will make them big.

❌ If you swallow chewing gum, it will take 7 years to digest.

❌ Swimming too soon after eating will give you cramps and you could drown!

 I cherish the wisdom my mom passed down to me, but I also chuckle at the “body” and “medical” advice she dished out with GREAT confidence but ZERO evidence (btw – all mom facts above are false)! 

 One of the things she told me when I first started my period was that I was too young to use tampons. And after more than twenty years as a gynecologist, it’s clear she wasn’t the only one saying that. I hear it all the time from concerned moms.

“Can she use tampons this young?” 

At the same time, some of us are determined to be more forward-thinking than our mothers, so we might be tempted to say, “GO FOR IT – ALL YOU WANT!” 

But that would start a NEW myth that could be dangerous.

So the medically accurate answer?

Yes, but with caution.

What’s the worry?

Let me say first and foremost, there is no worry about taking away “virginity” or harming her delicate anatomy. Tampons are a hygiene tool that have nothing to do with sex or virginity (the concept of virginity is another whole blog…). And by the time she starts her period, her vagina is big enough for a tampon.

For her health, the only concern is toxic shock syndrome (TSS), a very rare but serious bacterial infection that has been associated with tampon use and is more common in younger users. For more on that, just click on the links to understand TSS, its warning signs, and how to reduce her risk for it. 

If you care about the WHY….

The vagina takes years to mature. In the time between her first breast bud and her first period, estrogen is helping to thicken the walls of the vagina and encouraging the growth of healthy bacteria that will control the pH and create the natural and healthy balance of “good” bacteria that we refer to as the microbiome (yes, the vagina has one, too). Even after she starts menstruating, the vaginal microbiome will continue to mature for several more years before her vagina has the protection of a mature microbiome and local immune system that helps fight the bacteria that can cause TSS. 

So what’s safe?

Although we don’t have specific studies examining the impact of tampons on the maturing vaginal microbiome, most experts recommend that for the first few years of menstruation, girls should avoid using tampons longer than needed, and should not use them around the clock. I know that’s not very specific, but the main idea is to “limit leaving things in the vagina” as much as possible so the microbiome can keep maturing without disruption through the early years of menstruating.

Prepare her

If she’s ready to use tampons, make sure she knows how they work, tips for inserting, and how to use them safely. We have all of that covered in our Class for Girls: All About Tampons.  

Organic or not?

Finally, if you’re asking that – you’re in good company. It’s one of the most common questions we hear related to products. The answer might surprise you, but we’ve got that covered in this blog: Are Period Products Harming Our Daughters?  

Let’s keep looking to science and asking the questions that allow us to raise informed, prepared, and healthy daughters – without myths or reckless abandon!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

When you started your period…did someone say something about becoming a woman??

The day I got my first period, I thought I was dying because what I saw in my underwear didn’t look like what I expected a period to look like. I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, but it didn’t look good –  I convinced myself I had cancer.

Not wanting to worry my mom, I decided to hide the evidence. But when she noticed I “wasn’t myself” and asked what was up, I burst into tears and told her the truth — I was dying. 

In her no-nonsense way, she reassured me that wasn’t the case.

Instead, she told me, “It just means you’re a woman, now.” 

Hold up. ✋🏼

Telling me that ALSO made me feel like I was dying a little — like the dirt-digging, fast-running, tree-climbing, wild dancing parts of me had to die — because the women I knew didn’t do that stuff. It made menstruation feel like the end of free-spirited fun and the beginning of boring drudgery.

Fortunately, I’m ok.

But, the more I hear from girls and moms about first period stories, the more convinced I am that this same dialogue I experienced many years ago is still happening today. 

So can we work together to reframe that conversation for the girls in our future? Let’s help everyone have a more realistic understanding of not only what a period IS, but what it means. 

When she starts her period, she’s NOT a woman. 

Instead…

• She is healthy. 
• Her body is normal and doing what it is supposed to do.
• There is no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed.
• She has a right to honest and accurate information about her body and how it works.

Most of all, she is still a girl who shares this process with millions of other girls who all manage to have periods AND carry on with all the more important things they do in life. THAT’S a superpower!

If you’re looking for some assistance providing positive messages and practical tips for new or soon-to-be menstruators, we have tons for our members. Our class, Confident About Periods is a great one to watch together! Give it a try and let us know how she’s NOT a woman. 😉

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

Men often admit it – periods freak them out a little. Is it worth the effort to help them overcome their menstrual misunderstandings? What if they were actually supportive – even low key supportive. We don’t need men cheering us on when we start, or making a big deal about our miraculous monthly, but we DO need men to be cool with it and not wince or cover their ears when we mention menstruation. How nice would it be for him to grab a box of your favorite fem care products when he sees them on sale? 

Yeah. We have some work to do.

Sure, we women can continue buying our own stuff and managing just fine, right? But for any man with daughters, it’s actually important to help him loosen up and become a period positive dad.

Researchers in girls’ self-esteem report that daughters with emotionally distant fathers often struggle with self-worth and body image issues. But girls with fathers who stay connected and involved throughout adolescence show greater confidence in their relationships. When dads (and moms) make it clear that they are comfortable discussing periods, they send the message that it’s ok to talk openly about reproductive health, and THAT is a gift. Kids who have open and honest conversations about reproductive health make better decisions about sex and relationships.

Sound like a lot for a dad to conquer? They’re more interested and willing than you might think, and you can get big results with some simple first steps.

Here are 6 steps for helping him become the perfect low-key period support guy.

1- Model comfort. The best way to get him more comfortable is to show your own comfort. Stop whispering about it. Stop using code names for your period or lady parts. Stop hiding your pads, tampons and menstrual cups. Stop putting your femcare products under the other stuff in your shopping basket. The more he sees and hears your comfort, the more inspired he will be to handle it the same way.

2- Review the basics. If he’s confused about the menstrual cycle, have him watch our class, Confident about Periods, or download our ebook on periods HERE. Read or watch them together for a fun and helpful shared experience – no wincing allowed.

3- Take a field trip. Next time you’re at the store together, stroll down the personal care aisle and show him the fem care products you like. Talk (out loud) about the different products and why you like what you like. Make it fun, keep it light, and he’ll catch on that buying pads and tampons is no different than buying toilet paper!

4- Give him your wish list. Send him a picture of your preferred products to keep on his phone so he never has an excuse for not knowing what to get. Then, encourage him to watch for sales if he has shopping duty. Bonus points if he delivers.

5- Use proper terms. If he’s gearing up to be a supportive dad, get him involved and talking early! Whether you have sons or daughters, use the correct words for anatomy from the beginning, and help him stay approachable and askable when those body and baby questions come up. No stuttering. No changing the topic. Practice providing simple, matter-of-fact answers.

6- Keep him involved. As your daughters’ bodies begin to change in puberty, don’t keep it a secret from Dad. Fathers can add a wonderfully important layer of matter-of-factness and humor that gives their daughters an extra boost of confidence and no-biggie attitude as they begin a transition that too often involves shame and embarrassment. Then, if she’s alone with dad when she starts her first period – they’ll handle it together in their own low-key way as they continue to strengthen a bond that will boost her confidence for years to come.

 Want to know our favorite classes for daughters and dads to watch together? 

Confident about Periods
The Science of Reproduction

Did you know that Girlology also offers grade-by-grade, on-demand, video playlists to support her and you — on all things girls’ health? Learn More Here.