Real quick – Tell me what word you would use to label this group of emotions:

happy, joyful, confident, excited, victorious 😁

Ok, how about these?

angry, jealous, sad, lonely, scared 😭

Did you use positive and negative? Good and bad? Healthy and unhealthy?

When I ask teen girls to label them, those are the most common words I hear.

It’s easy to see why the second group is considered negative or undesirable, but honestly, they’re ALL good because they’re all necessary. It’s just that some are a lot more comfortable than others.

If we want to help our daughters manage their emotional health, we have to help them get more comfortable with uncomfortable emotions. That means we probably have some work to do ourselves, because watching our daughters when they’re hurting brings out the “fixer” in most of us. 🙋🏻‍♀️

Instead of trying to “fix” her feelings or ignore them by suggesting ice cream and new clothes, try to allow her some space and time to sit with those uncomfortable feelings (this is hard work for her and for you!).

Remind yourself that her emotions are not caused by hormones (although hormones can magnify normal emotions), and her reactions are not “silly.” Instead, remember that her emotions are responses to things she has experienced – real or perceived, and she is learning how to process those things. That takes time.

Giving her some time doesn’t mean leaving her alone for days on end. But it does mean

• giving her some time alone if she wants it,
• sitting quietly with her if she doesn’t want to talk,
• listening without fixing when she’s ready to talk, and
• helping her think through ways to feel better when she’s ready.

Sometimes she’s with her feelings for 10 minutes or less, then on to her next activity as if her emotional explosion never happened. Other times, she may need you to offer an activity or distraction if she’s lingering too long (nobody should stay too late at a pity party). 

Ok, so here comes the take home: Let’s remind our girls (and ourselves) that some emotions are uncomfortable, but the more they learn to manage them in healthy ways (talking, journaling, processing), the stronger they become. That’s how resilience works, and it’s a powerful protector. We help girls build those skills in our class, Be You.  

One more thing… speaking of emotional health, when these uncomfortable emotions happen frequently over an extended period of time (weeks), it makes us worry that she may be headed toward depression. Learn more about prevention or early intervention for depression HERE.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

When things are unpredictable, it’s normal to feel anxious (hello new school year; hello puberty). 

When adults are anxious, kids absorb that anxiety and add it to their own, magnifying the impact. And when kids are anxious (like maybe now as they see the back to school supplies rolling out), it’s really common to see it in their behaviors: avoidance, meltdowns, overreactions, one-track-thinking.

As parents, it’s natural to want to “fix” everything, but it’s so much better if we teach our children healthy ways to manage those big emotions on their own. 

My favorite DIY tool for anxiety is a glitter jar. I promise, it can help anyone (including you), and there are several uses. Highly respected mental health and mindfulness experts endorse the glitter jar for a variety of uses: a daily mindfulness practice, increasing focus & mental clarity, or simply settling the mind when it’s overwhelmed with big emotions.

Our discussion with Dr. Lisa Damour explained best HOW and WHY it helps with anxiety and emotional meltdowns. You can check out that discussion HERE, so no need for me to repeat it, BUT I’m going to share with you how to make one (because I love anything crafty).

Remind your child that the glitter jar represents our mind when we’re calm compared to when we’re upset, angry or distracted. When the glitter is settled on the bottom, we can see clearly through the fluid just like when we’re focused and calm, our mind can think clearly.

Shaking the jar is like being upset or distracted – thoughts, like the glitter, are swirling and it’s hard to think clearly. So when your child is experiencing big emotions (or just needs to focus or relax) – have her shake the glitter jar, set it down, and watch it.

As the glitter settles, so will her mind and her emotions, allowing her to think and communicate more clearly.

It’s like magic.

Here’s what you’ll need to make one:

• Plastic water bottle or glass jar + lid (consider your child’s age and risk of breaking it)
• Clear School Glue
• Glitter + maybe some larger stars or other shaped sparkles
• Warm Water
• A funnel (you can make one out of paper) 
• Hot glue optional but recommended

Here’s how to make it:

1. Fill about ¼ of the bottle with glue (more glue = longer time for glitter to settle)
2. Add about 1-2 tablespoons of glitter (and a few larger sparkles if you want) using the funnel. 
3. Fill the rest of the bottle with warm water but leave a little room at the top.
4. Cap the bottle and shake it to see if you want to add more glue, more glitter, or just more water.
5. Once you have it right, fill the rest of the bottle, add a little hot glue or regular glue to the threads on the cap, and screw it on. 

I highly recommend everyone in your family makes their own (just be prepared to practice your own deep breathing or mindfulness as they scatter glitter in the process). 🧘🏽‍♀️

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More