No matter what age or gender your child is… the holidays are a great time to help her (and your family / friends) understand and model giving and receiving CONSENT. 

When most parents hear us mention CONSENT, they assume we’re talking about teens and sexual activity, but our children get messages about consent and boundaries at EVERY age as they see it being modeled — or not. It doesn’t take deep conversations; it’s all about showing them (and helping the adults and other children around them participate, too).

Why does it matter if she’s still young? When we make an effort to model consent in our own family, 

• our children grow up feeling more agency over their own bodies, 
• they develop important communication skills, 
• and they (and the adults around them) also learn to manage the emotions that may come with rejection. 

These are all essential skills  that improve their ability to be in safe and healthy relationships – in childhood and beyond.

SO, if you’re ready to start building the foundation, here are 2 tips for creating a culture of consent in your circle of family & friends.

1. SHOW them what it looks like to respect the word “NO” – not just when it comes from YOU.

If they’re going to grow up believing that “no means no,” they have to SEE it in action. So, whenever a child says NO or STOP, you stop, and you hold everyone accountable to do the same — including siblings.

Establishing strict enforcement around the word “no” teaches kids that their voice matters, and it also models respecting each others’ boundaries. There are a lot of places you can apply this at home, but one easy example is around tickling. So many kids love to be tickled….  until they don’t… (I’m looking at all your fun uncles here!).

So, the first time she says STOP, no matter how giggly it comes out, make sure all tickling stops. immediately.

Another example is around food. If you want a french fry – don’t just snag one. ASK.  And then RESPECT her answer. You want her to experience having her voice heard and that it matters.

2. Acknowledge boundaries by ASKING PERMISSION  – 

As parents, it’s easy to lose sight of privacy and boundaries with our children because we’ve cared for them since birth. But as children become more independent, we need to see them as individuals who deserve body autonomy and the right to privacy — that means we ASK before doing things like…

Walking into their room without knocking

Looking through their backpack

Posting their photo on line

And MOST IMPORTANTLY- giving or demanding physical affection.

Let me expand on that one for a second because …. I’m a hugger, and I catch myself throwing my arms around my daughter’s friends without asking – so I’m working on this one myself, but it happens all the time with kids – grown ups say “Give me a hug” or “go kiss your grandmother goodbye.”

I know, it seems so harmless, but all it does is make kids the object of someone else’s desires and it gives them no choice except to comply or be rude. 

So when you start asking permission, make sure you’re also offering respectful replies. Here’s what that can look like:

“Can I check your backpack? NO? Ok, we can look through it together or you can check it.”

“Can I post this picture of you on facebook? No? I respect that.”

“Do you wanna kiss grandma goodbye? NO? How about a high five or just a wave?”

Respecting kids boundaries teaches them that theycan say no, but still show affection in other ways or find common ground that feels more comfortable.

Children deserve to feel agency over their own bodies and they need space to practice the communication skills that make them feel respected and safe in relationships. The best way to make this happen is to start at home and at family gatherings. If you need to have a quick pow wow with family members beforehand – do it; or share this blog with them to start the conversation. 

Happy gathering!  

Download the Girlology App in the app store or on google play.

‘From first periods through the fertility gamut and into the sputtering flow of menopause, period tracking is important for many health and personal reasons. Today, it’s as easy as opening an app and selecting the number of blood drops on the right day to trigger a notification telling you when to stock up on tampons and chocolate – or warn your family to tread lightly – or let you know that something’s “off” you should call your doctor. 

So why shouldn’t a young girl new to periods, join the 50 million+ using period tracking apps? 

Fertility-Centric.
The most popular period tracking apps are centered around getting or not getting pregnant by predicting ovulation. Some have been developed by companies that sell ovulation detector kits or paired devices to collect biometric data like temperature, sleep and heart rate to boost the effectiveness of conception or contraception goals. It’s also common for these apps to prompt her to record sexual activity, send her notifications about her fertile time, and offer tips for keeping the bedroom frisky and fun. 

Although some offer additional educational content, most of the education is around TTC (trying to conceive), contraception, or sexual health. Girls can certainly turn off notifications and tailor the content to be less fertility-focused, but none of these apps are thinking about helping young girls adjust to periods or understand their changing body.

Adult Focused.
If she just wants to know when to expect her next period, apps can confuse her or create anxiety because they are based on adult menstrual cycles, not adolescents. Most apps continue to suggest that the “normal” menstrual cycle is consistently 28 days with little variation from cycle to cycle – when that’s just baloney. Only about 15% of women actually have 28 day cycles, and most have variation from cycle to cycle of up to 5 days. For teens, normal cycle lengths are 21-45 days, and the cycle to cycle variation is even greater. There’s no need to use any app that can raise her anxiety or make her doubt her own body rather than the app’s accuracy. 

On a more positive note, many of the apps have space for noting common (constipation, acne, headaches, mood shifts) or individualized (asthma attacks, Crohns flares) symptoms. Symptom tracking can help users recognize symptom patterns or identify when personal health conditions are affected by the menstrual cycle (which happens a lot).

Her Privacy
Period trackers are a profitable industry and they collect highly personal health information from millions of users. With recent criminalization of abortion in many states, there are legitimate concerns about how menstrual cycle data may be used or shared.

Although the apps collect private health data, the companies that own them are not bound by HIPPA or healthcare legislation, but only by the app store that hosts them. So the app companies decide for themselves how they will handle your data. No laws prohibit them from sharing user information with advertisers, insurance companies, law enforcement, or any rando. So, for now, period tracking apps may not be a safe or trusted place for keeping up with her menstrual cycle or other sensitive health data.

Then what’s a girl to do?

For my adolescent patients, I always recommend an old-school menstrual calendar, like this one we make available through Girlology. 

It’s a simple, notecard sized calendar that allows a full year of tracking and provides a visual representation of emerging patterns (which SHOULD start to happen after her first 3 periods). 

For me (as a gynecologist) it’s incredibly helpful as a diagnostic tool for identifying irregular patterns, excessive flow, or troublesome symptoms.

It’s also preferable (to me and my patients) to having her hand over her phone so I can swipe through whichever app she’s using to search for the data I really need. 

As your daughter reaches that milestone of menarche (that’s the medical term for her first period), you can download our menstrual calendar HERE. 

Download the Girlology App in the app store or on google play.

It’s that time of year when we feel driven to reflect on the past and make resolutions for the new year. We all do that differently – maybe while we walk, or journal, or sip wine, or talk with family and friends. Or maybe while we work on a vision board. 

To some, all that “work” seems self-indulgent or maybe futile, but getting focused and intentional about goals and dreams is a well recognized and important part of any process improvement – whether you’re an artist, a corporate executive, or a caring parent. 

I used to roll my eyes at New Year’s Resolutions because I never got it right. 🙄 Year after year, I was beating myself up around mid-February as I realized that, once again, I hadn’t kept most of my resolutions. I grew weary of watching the “new me” slip into a “February fail.”

But about 7 or 8 years ago, I changed my process, and that changed me. 

Now, resolutions don’t defeat me. Instead, they keep me grounded in my values and more intentional as I continue to unfold and grow as a human (and a mom). 

What did I do differently? 

I switched the intent of my resolutions AWAY from fixing what I was doing wrong (or not doing right) and shifted my focus to creating a short list of resolutions that would create JOY, CONNECTION, and IMPACT.✨

Once I started doing that, I also noticed that several resolutions re-surfaced every year. It wasn’t because I didn’t stick with them and needed to try again, but it was more that they WORKED – and they improved my life. Now, I walk my dog. I meditate. I improved our dinner conversations. I make a point to attend live music performances. I volunteer. These resolutions became new habits which are now part of “who I am.” 

To give you another example, one of my recurring resolutions always involves my children (three daughters), and here it is:

I Resolve to PREPARE HER for what’s ahead.🔮

First, we have to get real about what’s ahead. If you’re not sure, ask parent of a child a little older than yours (and even if you think you know – ask anyway!). The things we need to prepare her for aren’t always easy to talk about, but preparation is critical for her confidence, her emotional well-being, her health, her relationships, her safety — and her joy.

You may have figured this out way faster than I did. I mean, you’ve already come to Girlology perhaps to do exactly that — preparing yourself to prepare her.

So, If you RESOLVE TO PREPARE HER, I can help make this resolution an easy one for you to keep. Just join the Girlology community and download the app. It will support you both wherever you go, whenever you need it. 

Schedule PREP TALKS regularly: friendships, puberty, skin care, period problems, mental health topics, healthy nutrition, sports, injuries — there are endless topics. Just pick some that might be on her horizon. 

Notice these things: the connection you are sharing; the impact it is making on her knowledge, wellness & confidence; and the JOY you feel when you see how this works. The more you use it, the more it will become habit, and part of who YOU are!

Cheers to raising prepared & confident girls! 🥂

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

If you were to take a few minutes before bed every night for a week to ponder and write down “Three Good Things” from your day, research says you’d experience an increase in happiness, hope, and optimism. If you were to stick with it longer, you’d grow resilience and you might also boost your immune system. Sound too good to be true? Three Good Things is one of the most well-known and well-studied tools of positive psychology. 

Seems like we should get our kids on board with it, right? 

So I tried.

When my kids were still in elementary school, we would do something similar at the dinner table every evening. We started each dinner by asking each person tell three good things from their day. We could hardly keep each of our girls from interrupting each other with their joyous lists of daily highlights. 🤗

Then came adolescence, and suddenly, our happy habit was “stupid” or met with silent, squinty glares. 🙄

Our forced family happiness exercise was ruining our family dinners. 

You know what else ruins a family dinner? 

The natural conversations that flow when dinner starts off with sighs and eye rolls over a happiness exercise. Next thing you know, you’re bringing up bad grades, forgotten chores, dirty rooms, and screen time.

Who wants to sit at that table? 😠😫😔

Eventually, everyone will be looking for a way out, and it becomes way too easy to let them all skip the dinner table and eat on their own schedules.

So, if you have adolescents, it’s time to be more strategic about meal time as well as the moods they may bring to the table. To help, I have two very simple recommendations:  

1.) Make the dinner table a place where the adults are not allowed to make any negative comments or observations. If the kids bring up emotionally charged topics. This is your chance to practice the 5 tips we shared in our Girlology TV episode on puberty, moods & attitudes. Members can watch it HERE.

2). Make eating together a priority whenever you can, because shared mealtime PROTECTS our kids from many of the things we worry about. Like what? Depression, disordered eating, unhealthy risk taking and it BOOSTS a lot of qualities we hope for, like self esteem, vocabulary, and even academic performance. Members can learn more about the benefits of shared mealtimes in our tip, Family Meals are Good Medicine. Even a couple times a week helps, and the meal doesn’t always have to be dinner! 

What works for you and your kids at mealtimes? Let us know in the comments! 🍴🥗🍕🍛🧇

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE.