When girls understand what’s normal and expected, they face the changes with greater confidence and less anxiety. After two decades of leading girls’ puberty eduction programs and receiving thousands of questions through our website, we know what girls (and their moms) worry about the most. Below, we present five things that your daughter needs to know about puberty before it happens (so she won’t worry!).

Breast buds are not cancer.

The first sign of breast development is a firm knot under the areola, called a breast bud. Often, one side “buds” first, then the other bud shows up weeks or months later. Breast cancer awareness has made such great strides that even little girls know that lumps in the breast are concerning. Many young girls have had family members with breast cancer, and they worry that their own breast bud is also cancer. Girls (and moms) need to understand that the tender knots that happen under the areola between the ages of 7 and 12 are not cancer, but are caused by normal breast development and will disappear in time. For help with breast concerns, go HERE.

Vaginal discharge is normal.

Women don’t typically talk about vaginal discharge during every day conversations, so many girls have never heard of it. When girls start to notice a new wetness or “crust” in their underwear, many have no idea what it is or if it’s normal. There are a few things that they need to know about discharge: it begins soon after breasts begin to develop; it is the way the vagina cleans itself; and it’s something that all girls and women have (even though they don’t usually talk about it!). In early puberty, vaginal discharge can be irritating to the sensitive vulvar skin (until the hair fills in and helps keep the discharge off of the skin), so knowing how to manage it is helpful, too (we cover that in our Puberty class available to subscribers).

Nobody can tell you’re on your period unless you tell them.

Do you remember thinking that people could see your bulky pad through your clothes? Did you ever believe that others could tell you were having your period by the way you looked, smelled or acted? Girls today still worry about these things, but they’re simply not true. Young girls want reassurance that others cannot tell when they are having their period. As they mature and get used to menstruation, however, we hope that they will have the confidence to not care if others know they are having a period, because periods are NORMAL! Make sure she’s prepared and confident with this class.

Emotions come from experiences, not hormones.

Adults may need this lesson more than girls, but everyone should understand that emotions are not caused by hormones. Emotions are reactions to things that people experience and feel. Sure, hormonal changes can make emotional reactions bigger, but as girls enter puberty, help them get in the habit of naming their emotions and identifying what triggers them. This is a valuable skill that will help them throughout adolescence and into adulthood. Girls (and boys) are especially empowered when they find healthy ways to identify, express, and manage their emotions, especially the more difficult ones like sadness, anger, jealously or disappointment.

Your body is amazing.

With all the body shaming and unrealistic body images that dominate the media and our culture, too many girls grow up believing they are not pretty enough, thin enough or fit enough. As puberty brings on changes in body size and shape, girls need to practice trusting and caring for their body. They need to know it is amazing because of the things it can do. Help girls value their body for what it helps them accomplish. Help them normalize NORMAL and recognize that the “ideal” created by the media and fashion industry is mostly unattainable and often unhealthy. Finally, be someone who models respect for body diversity and values others for their actions and deeds over appearances. Our video class How to Like Your Body was created to help girls develop this mindset and the practices that prevent body dislike.

When I was in the 4th grade, I got called “Nipsey Russell” by the boys in my class (I’m dating myself, but Nipsey Russel was a TV comedian waaaayyyy back in the day). Obviously, my attempts to hide my budding breasts under baggy shirts wasn’t working, and I finally caved to my mother’s insistence that she take me bra shopping (she had been repeatedly suggesting it, and I had been repeatedly refusing).

I’m not sure which was worse, the name-calling or the bra shopping. 😂 

As my sweet mother walked me into the lingerie department of our local Macy’s and announced (out loud!) that I needed a bra, I turned away and pretended I wasn’t with her. THEN, the bra-lady came at me with a long yellow tape measure, staring at my chest and reaching toward my tiny breasts.

I was mortified. 😳

 👉 Do you remember the awkwardness of your changing body?  

We hear from a lot of moms that their daughter needs a bra, but she’s resistant. If this sounds familiar, I’m happy to let you know there are better ways to get through this transition.

Here are 4 things you can try: 

1. Be the bra fairy.

Just buy some and leave them in her room. Sometimes she’s just resistant to the public shopping experience. 

Pick out a variety of styles and a couple of sizes, and leave them on her dresser (maybe include a note that says “please do not remove the tags!” so you can return the ones she doesn’t like). Ask her what she thinks of them, but don’t be hurt if she’s not appreciative. Just having them available will help her try them when she’s ready.

A good selection might include 

• A cami with a built-in shelf bra (offers support but doesn’t “look” like a bra)
• Some with “modesty pads”
• Some without the padding
• Front hook and back hook options
• Pull-over sports-type bras

2. Normalize breast growth.

Her resistance may be related to feeling self-conscious about her changing body and not wanting to draw any attention to it. Acknowledge her discomfort but normalize her healthy growth and provide reassurance that it takes time to grow comfortable with our changing bodies. Stay as matter of fact as you can, and remind her that her body is doing what it is supposed to do.

3. Point out the Perks

Bras aren’t just utilitarian undergarments, there are lots of reasons girls choose to wear bras. Remind her that a bra can help with these things: 

Comfort – as uncomfortable as they might seem at first, a comfy bra can actually make growing breasts feel less tender because they hold them snug to her chest and keep them from jiggling.

Privacy – many girls who are resistant to bras feel that way because they don’t want anyone to know their breasts are growing, and if their bra shows through their shirt, “others will know.” If this sounds like your daughter (it was definitely one of mine), remind her that a bra can actually give her more privacy – by preventing her budding nipples from showing through her clothes or allowing privacy if she needs to change clothes in front of her friends.

Style – whether or not she needs a bra for support or privacy, she might just enjoy wearing something cute or trendy. Camis (with a built-in bra) can fill the need for style and function.  

4. Make it her choice

Finally, reassure her that wearing a bra is her choice to make. There are countries all over the globe where bras are rare or absent. However, adolescence in the U.S. is tough territory full of self-consciousness, teasing, pressures to conform, dress codes, and societal expectations. Each child’s experience and support will be different, but one thing we hope all girls learn is that they should never let embarrassment keep them from feeling more comfortable, nor should they ever feel any shame related to their changing body.

For our members, if you want to share some of these tips with your girl, have her watch THIS quick video made especially for young girls.

If you want some tips on shopping for her first bra, we’ve got help for you HERE.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE.