Recently, I invited some girlfriends from college and my young adult years to soak in a lake and the comfort, laughter, and nostalgia of deep-rooted friendships. These are friends I don’t see enough, but we know each others’ histories so well, we always pick up where we left off. They’re also friends who show up with open hearts, no judgment, the perfect playlist, and wine!

As we caught up on the usual topics (with an extra dose of aging parent challenges and teen drama this year) each of us, in one way or another, mentioned our hopes that our own children will experience friendships like ours to carry them through their own adulting.

I especially thought of my youngest who was in the middle of that awful stage when friend groups begin to shift and some girls choose exclusion over inclusion, and indifferent over kind.

Remember that? Ugh. 🙄

What’s ironic about my girls trip is that I kept hearing that voice in my head reeling off the tips in our Friendship Matters Class and Workbook. I was trying to get away from work for a few days, but it kept creeping in!

Then it dawned on me. 💡

I was actually SEEING the tips put to use as I spent time with these friends.  

In fact, the class and ebook we created for 5th and 6th graders was actually helping ME be a more engaged and attentive friend. 

Although our class also covers things like bullies and crushes, it begins with some essentials for any true friendship. We call them our Friendship F.A.C.T.s, and I think everyone can benefit from remembering them.

To help your daughter understand the essentials of any relationship, help her learn and practice these things:

Feedback: giving feedback that can communicate feelings and needs, as well as receiving feedback with an attitude of learning and growing

Attention: learning to show her interest through her actions, comments, and body language

Cheering: showing support for her friends through thoughtful and encouraging comments

Time: helping her understand that spending time with friends is the best way to strengthen relationships and have more things to talk about

I know it sounds cheesy, but I believe my girls’ trip was more meaningful because I got a refresher on Friendship Matters. (Thankfully, I didn’t have to use any of our tips on bullies or bystander issues!) 

• My feedback was better. 
• My focus was more intentional.
• I had better ways to express my own needs.
• I dove into the activities with greater enthusiasm.

I came home even more excited to remind our members about this class because I realized it’s NOT just for tween girls (well, it IS, but it’s also good for anyone). 

The tips and skills are of universal importance, but they don’t come naturally. 

I hope you’ll watch it with your daughter, download the workbook, and use it as a refresher in your own life because friendships thrive when we’re more intentional, and friendships matter, right? 

Consider joining Girlology for friendship help, and stick around for guidance on puberty, periods, mental health, skin care, body image and more! We offer grade-by-grade video playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others. Learn More Here.

If you haven’t told your child about sex by 4th grade, I hope you’ll read this. 

Every year, I seem to get at least one phone call from a panic-stricken mom with a child in the third or fourth grade. It usually goes something like this (in a flustered whisper)…

“Help!! My precious, innocent little [insert child’s name] just came home from school and told me that one of her friends told her what sex is. She wanted to know how I could let her daddy do that to me. 

When I asked her to share what she learned, her description included words like ‘under the sheets,’ ‘wiggling,’ and ‘poking.’ She seems upset and scared. Now what do I do?!?!”

That’s the reality with late elementary age children. There will always be some kids in the class that have older siblings who have shared “the big secret” about sex. Or perhaps there’s a precocious child who has developed his or her own definition based on unsupervised time with the media. 

No matter the source, most of the time, what’s being shared among elementary school friends about that mysterious word is shaded with a “naughty” flavor that makes the whole story seem dirty and awful. 

And that’s the start of many myths that circulate throughout the years to come.

How do we protect our young children from the scary and negative messages about sex? 

We have to get to them first!

Really. YOU need to be her “informant.”

If you can turn the “sex” talk into a special event with your child, you can keep the message accurate, simple, positive, and full of the miraculous wonder that reproduction really does hold. And there’s no better age than 8 or 9 for this message. Any older, and it’s super likely they have already heard “stuff” and find the whole topic gross and embarrassing. 

But at 8 or 9, your child is more full of wonder than attitude, and that’s the perfect time to strike.

Before I move on with tips for this talk, there is one disclaimer:

Do not believe for a minute that having “THE TALK” as a single conversation is sufficient.

When it comes to sexuality education, there is no such thing as one or two “talks.” If you’ve explored the Girlology app, you already know that. But we do recognize that lots of parents have the most trouble with that one conversation where intercourse is accurately defined. So, these tips are for that conversation. 

Here are the Girlology tips for having “the sex talk” with your elementary aged child:

• Treat it as a very special “big mystery to life” that you will reveal on a special day, maybe on a birthday or a special trip. Talk it up beforehand so there is some excitement in the air.

• Make it a special discussion, not one that you have when you’re trying to do other things. Set aside some time and quiet place that is free from interruptions.

• Start with eggs, sperm and fertilization. Then, proceed through fetal development and birth. Use pictures to show the sperm, egg, fetus and maybe even of a birth. Animal births are also a great example. 

• End with intercourse…that’s the big mystery. You could ask, “How do you think the sperm and the egg find each other?” When you tell your child how the sperm gets in the woman’s body, you will probably get a crinkled nose or an ewww. That’s ok. Keep it short and simple, because they will be ready to stop talking about it at that point.

• If that seems a bit overwhelming, just watch our class, The Science of Reproduction with your child – – it’s exactly how we present it. 

• Answer all their questions! They come up with some great ones! Keep your sense of humor, and if you don’t know an answer, that’s ok. Try to find it out and get back to them.

• Be sure to remind them it’s not their place to share the story with their friends. Other kids deserve to have their own parents involved in how and when they learn about it.

• Encourage your spouse or child’s other parent to tell your child that he/she knows about the discussion and is also happy to answer questions anytime.

• Check in again after a few days  to see if there are more questions. They need time to process the information and that often raises new questions.

The whole explanation only takes about 15-20 minutes. And that little bit of time can save you hours in backpedaling out of the mess that other kids can cause with their shared versions of the story. 

Once you make it special and keep it positive, your child will be armed with knowledge from a more accurate source than the kid on the playground. And when a kid starts telling the dirty version, yours will know the truth and start recognizing the inaccuracies and embellishments that come with playground chatter.

So take a deep breath and plan your special “big mystery of life” event.

You’ve got this!

Consider joining Girlology for the sex talk help, and stick around for the puberty and mental health help! We offer grade-by-grade video playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others? Learn More Here.

Men often admit it – periods freak them out a little. Is it worth the effort to help them overcome their menstrual misunderstandings? What if they were actually supportive – even low key supportive. We don’t need men cheering us on when we start, or making a big deal about our miraculous monthly, but we DO need men to be cool with it and not wince or cover their ears when we mention menstruation. How nice would it be for him to grab a box of your favorite fem care products when he sees them on sale? 

Yeah. We have some work to do.

Sure, we women can continue buying our own stuff and managing just fine, right? But for any man with daughters, it’s actually important to help him loosen up and become a period positive dad.

Researchers in girls’ self-esteem report that daughters with emotionally distant fathers often struggle with self-worth and body image issues. But girls with fathers who stay connected and involved throughout adolescence show greater confidence in their relationships. When dads (and moms) make it clear that they are comfortable discussing periods, they send the message that it’s ok to talk openly about reproductive health, and THAT is a gift. Kids who have open and honest conversations about reproductive health make better decisions about sex and relationships.

Sound like a lot for a dad to conquer? They’re more interested and willing than you might think, and you can get big results with some simple first steps.

Here are 6 steps for helping him become the perfect low-key period support guy.

1- Model comfort. The best way to get him more comfortable is to show your own comfort. Stop whispering about it. Stop using code names for your period or lady parts. Stop hiding your pads, tampons and menstrual cups. Stop putting your femcare products under the other stuff in your shopping basket. The more he sees and hears your comfort, the more inspired he will be to handle it the same way.

2- Review the basics. If he’s confused about the menstrual cycle, have him watch our class, Confident about Periods, or download our ebook on periods HERE. Read or watch them together for a fun and helpful shared experience – no wincing allowed.

3- Take a field trip. Next time you’re at the store together, stroll down the personal care aisle and show him the fem care products you like. Talk (out loud) about the different products and why you like what you like. Make it fun, keep it light, and he’ll catch on that buying pads and tampons is no different than buying toilet paper!

4- Give him your wish list. Send him a picture of your preferred products to keep on his phone so he never has an excuse for not knowing what to get. Then, encourage him to watch for sales if he has shopping duty. Bonus points if he delivers.

5- Use proper terms. If he’s gearing up to be a supportive dad, get him involved and talking early! Whether you have sons or daughters, use the correct words for anatomy from the beginning, and help him stay approachable and askable when those body and baby questions come up. No stuttering. No changing the topic. Practice providing simple, matter-of-fact answers.

6- Keep him involved. As your daughters’ bodies begin to change in puberty, don’t keep it a secret from Dad. Fathers can add a wonderfully important layer of matter-of-factness and humor that gives their daughters an extra boost of confidence and no-biggie attitude as they begin a transition that too often involves shame and embarrassment. Then, if she’s alone with dad when she starts her first period – they’ll handle it together in their own low-key way as they continue to strengthen a bond that will boost her confidence for years to come.

 Want to know our favorite classes for daughters and dads to watch together? 

Confident about Periods
The Science of Reproduction

Did you know that Girlology also offers grade-by-grade, on-demand, video playlists to support her and you — on all things girls’ health? Learn More Here.

I know this is a blog focused on parenting through puberty, but this time, I have an article written directly to young girls. Consider this indirect parenting advice. 

I wrote it because kids don’t always tell their parents what they’re worried about. But through Girlology and years of medical practice, I’ve had so many girls express so much anxiety over whether or not their breast development is normal. A little reassurance and education can go a long way toward boosting her confidence and helping her accept her changing body. 

So read this yourself (to gain some insight into what she may worry about) and let her read it to get some direct reassurance and facts. These are things I wish all parents would share with their daughters – so they KNOW MORE & FEAR LESS. If your daughter has budding breasts, we also have an entire class for her that covers even more – including tips on bras and bra shopping. You can find it HERE.

______

Growing breasts is just a normal part of puberty, but for something so normal, breast development can raise a lot of questions. 

🤷🏻‍♀️ “When will they grow?” 

🤦🏽‍♀️ “When will they stop growing?” 

🙋🏼‍♀️“Are mine normal?”

From all the questions that young people ask us about breast development, it’s obvious that this part of growing up can be exciting, worrisome, and even annoying – all at the same time! It’s exciting because growing breasts means you are growing up and your body is doing what it is supposed to do. The worrisome parts can be made a lot better by understanding what’s normal and what to expect.  And the annoying part? Well, having breasts takes a little getting used to, but there are some things you can do to make them less bothersome.

 

How they start

When your breasts begin to grow, you might not SEE the growth as much as you FEEL it.  Your nipples can be sore or tender to touch.  Often, it’s just one side.  That means things are starting!  

 If you notice pain in or behind your nipple, you might also be able to feel a firm bump underneath it. The bump is called a breast bud and it can be as small as a blueberry or a little bigger.  The bump under your nipple will make the dark skin that surrounds the nipple (called the areola, uh REE uh luh), look puffy or bigger.  The combination of your nipple, areola and the bump underneath it is called a breast bud. That’s how it all begins – with a bud.

Pain?

It’s perfectly normal for one or both buds to hurt or feel tender. Once the budding begins, your breasts will go through growth spurts just like the rest of your body does.  As your breasts grow, you will probably have pain or tenderness again. Just like you can have growing pains in your legs, your breasts will have some growing pains too.

 If your nipples feel sensitive or raw, make sure you wear soft fabrics over them. Sometimes, even t-shirts can feel too rough against sore nipples.  If your breasts hurt when you run or move, a regular bra can help, but a sports bra can do a better job of holding your breasts snuggly to your body so they don’t jiggle when you’re active. And if they still hurt, it can help to place a warm heating pad or cloth over them.

Once your breasts have been growing for a year or two, you may have a new kind of pain that is caused by hormone changes that will happen once you start your period (we have lots of information on periods HERE).  This breast tenderness happens because of the hormones that cause your period. Usually the tenderness starts a few days before your period starts, and it goes away after a few days to a week. 

Finally, as you go through puberty, just like you need bigger clothes for your growing body, you will also need bigger bras as your breasts grow.  A well-fitting bra is important for your comfort, so make sure you get help finding the right fit. Believe it or not, there are actually expert bra fitters in some department stores and stores that specialize in underwear and bras. 

Lopsided?

It’s also perfectly normal to have a bud on just one side.  Sometimes both of your breasts will “bud” together, but usually, one side starts first, then the other side starts a few weeks to a few months later and catches up in size.  Don’t be surprised if one breast stays a little larger than the other.  That’s typical. Our bodies aren’t exactly the same on each side.  Just like one foot is usually a little bit bigger than the other, one breast is usually a little different than the other.  Once your breasts are finished growing, they will be pretty close to the same size. 

Bumps and Lumps?

When breasts buds form, some girls worry that the knot or lump under the nipple is a sign of breast cancer. It’s important to know how your breasts grow so you don’t worry. Breast buds are not cancer, and breast cancer doesn’t happen when you are a pre-teen or teen. In fact, it is very very rare for breast cancer to happen to anyone under the age of 30.

There are other breast lumps and bumps that you might notice as you develop. Some people will grow small bumps (a little bigger than a pimple) on the areola.  These are glands that make oils to keep your nipples soft. They are common, but not all girls have them.

There may also be smaller bumps (the size of goosebumps) with thick, curly hairs growing out of them.  Some girls, especially those with darker hair, will grow hairs around the areola. The bumps that the hairs grow out of are called hair follicles, and they are normal, too. Some people have hair around their nipples, some don’t.

Once your breasts have grown beyond buds, you may find that your breast tissue feels lumpy all over. And guess what? Don’t worry. Most breasts have tiny lumps everywhere caused by the glands that can produce milk. The glands are small, but you may be able to feel them. You know how cottage cheese has little lumps throughout? Normal breast tissue is kind of like that – little, soft lumps all over that you can’t see through the skin, but you can barely feel. 

Stretch Marks

During puberty, you will do some pretty fast growing. Sometimes your body grows so fast that your skin has trouble stretching fast enough to keep up. When that happens, you might see “stretch marks.”  Stretch marks start as red to purple lines on the skin, and eventually fade to a more natural skin color.  They are most common on breasts, hips, and upper thighs. You can’t stop stretch marks on your breasts, not even with expensive “stretch mark” creams and lotions, but a bra that fits well can keep them from getting worse.  

Early and Late blooming

It’s normal for breasts to start growing as young as seven years old or as late at twelve. If you’re on the young side, it can seem like they are growing too fast, too soon.  Just because you develop early doesn’t mean your breasts will keep growing and be giant.  And if you are the last one of your friends to grow breasts, it doesn’t mean they will be small.  Breast size is determined by the genes you inherit from your mother and father, not by your age. The timing of your development also depends on your ancestors. Either way, being the one of the first or last to develop can feel awkward. 

It’s important to remember that your body knows what to do and will do it at the right time for you. Throughout the preteen and teen years, you will continue to grow and change shape. Remember that you will grow on your own unique schedule, and you will have your own unique look and shape. Do your best to trust your body and take care of it so it can help you accomplish all the great things you are capable of doing!

If you have other questions about breast development, feel free to leave them in the comments. Just remember- we can’t answer personal health questions or give individual medical advice.

 

Did you know that Girlology also offers grade-by-grade, on-demand, video playlists to support her and you — on all things girls’ health? Learn More Here.

You know how there was so much advice out there when our kids were babies and toddlers? Then suddenly (spoiler alert 🚨), you hit the most challenging years of parenting, and help is hard to find?

We call that the Mom Cliff.

And it’s why we started Girlology. 

As your daughter is entering a new phase of rapid change and growth, your parenting strategies require some change and growth, too. Plus, you just need trusted information. It’s not easy to adjust to her body changes, morphing attitudes, big emotions, and growing independence, but with the right support and community, the journey is a LOT easier (for everyone involved).

As doctors, moms, aunts, sisters, and friends, we’re in this with you. And we’ll use this space to provide the support you deserve. This is where we’ll share parenting challenges and offer strategies that can help – some based on research and clinical medicine, some based on been-there-managed-that wisdom.

In the comments, we invite you to share your stories that illustrate the challenges of parenting through puberty. We’ll create new content based on your needs. We’ll lean on our expert professional network as well as our trusted friends and community as we all do our best to raise healthy, informed, and confident daughters.

 

Did you know that Girlology also offers grade-by-grade, on-demand, video playlists to support her and you — on all things girls’ health? Learn More Here.