Talking with Kids about Porn

by Oct 19, 2023Her Moods & Mind, Sex + Relationships

Over the past 2 decades, kid’s exposure to porn has become so common, it is now considered a normative experience rather than an exception. And the content, which is freely and easily accessible from any smartphone, has become more and more explicit, violent, and honestly – weird. That’s how the porn industry keeps folks coming back for more.

For emerging adolescents with a healthy dose of curiosity – especially about sex (which is normal!), porn is a powerful magnet. Perhaps if we had reliable, comprehensive sexuality education in all schools, kids would be less likely to look to porn for their sex ed. Obviously, porn will not make them the “sexperts” they hope to be. Instead, it is having serious effects on the way young people explore and experience intimacy and sexual behaviors. But I digress… 

Research from the National Center for Sexual Exploitation tells us that 64% of kids age 13+ actively seek out porn at least weekly. But even if they’re not intentionally seeking it out, it’s so ubiquitous online that many land on it unintentionally. That’s why the average age of exposure to porn is 8-11. 

I know.
It can feel terrifying. 

But you know what we moms do every day?

We handle scary things.

Protecting our kids from the harms of porn is intimidating, but it’s necessary if we want our children to grow up feeling confident in advocating for their body, voicing both their desires and their boundaries, and prepared to explore their emerging sexuality at the right time and in healthy ways. That requires preparing them (ALL of them) for what they are likely to encounter online and helping them understand the differences between healthy sexuality and pornography.

To support our members' requests for help with these conversations, we created a resource: 10 Conversations to Have with Your Kids about Porn. In it, we present the following conversation topics that can help every kid gain important insights and understanding as they explore their normal and healthy curiosities about sex. For each topic below, our downloadable resource offers sample scripts and specific suggestions for introducing and expanding on each topic. 

These ten conversations start with simple topics appropriate for any age and transition into more complex conversations that are more appropriate for older kids. 

  • Curiosity is normal.
  • Looking at it doesn’t make you a bad person.
  • Once you see it, you can’t “unsee” it.
  • When you saw it, how did it make you feel?
  • Trying to hide it from me doesn’t help you.
  • What can you say to remove yourself from watching it with friends?
  • It’s not a “how to” lesson.
  • Porn can affect how you feel about your body.
  • Porn desensitizes you to violence.
  • It can become addictive and affect your sexual function.

To get the full support of this 3 page downloadable resource, members can find it linked below this video, “5 Tips for Discussing Pornography with Kids.” We also offer a deeper discussion, “What Every Parent Needs to Know about Porn.” 

If you want your middle schooler to have a resource that addresses porn in an age-appropriate way, we cover it on our class, “Be You: Learning Self Care and Growing Self-Confidence.”

We’re here to help YOU be HER best guide – even through the tough stuff. If you're not yet a member, we'd love to have you join our community. You can try it free for 7 days HERE.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists outlining on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

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