In the world before the Internet, how did our mothers know so much about staying healthy? They definitely did the best they could. They instructed us in their health tips, and we accepted them as facts. 

BUT WERE THEY? 

Do you remember any of these “mom-said-so”-isms? 

❌ If you go out in the cold with wet hair, you’ll get pneumonia.

❌ Cracking your knuckles will make them big.

❌ If you swallow chewing gum, it will take 7 years to digest.

❌ Swimming too soon after eating will give you cramps and you could drown!

 I cherish the wisdom my mom passed down to me, but I also chuckle at the “body” and “medical” advice she dished out with GREAT confidence but ZERO evidence (btw – all mom facts above are false)! 

 One of the things she told me when I first started my period was that I was too young to use tampons. And after more than twenty years as a gynecologist, it’s clear she wasn’t the only one saying that. I hear it all the time from concerned moms.

“Can she use tampons this young?” 

At the same time, some of us are determined to be more forward-thinking than our mothers, so we might be tempted to say, “GO FOR IT – ALL YOU WANT!” 

But that would start a NEW myth that could be dangerous.

So the medically accurate answer?

Yes, but with caution.

What’s the worry?

Let me say first and foremost, there is no worry about taking away “virginity” or harming her delicate anatomy. Tampons are a hygiene tool that have nothing to do with sex or virginity (the concept of virginity is another whole blog…). And by the time she starts her period, her vagina is big enough for a tampon.

For her health, the only concern is toxic shock syndrome (TSS), a very rare but serious bacterial infection that has been associated with tampon use and is more common in younger users. For more on that, just click on the links to understand TSS, its warning signs, and how to reduce her risk for it. 

If you care about the WHY….

The vagina takes years to mature. In the time between her first breast bud and her first period, estrogen is helping to thicken the walls of the vagina and encouraging the growth of healthy bacteria that will control the pH and create the natural and healthy balance of “good” bacteria that we refer to as the microbiome (yes, the vagina has one, too). Even after she starts menstruating, the vaginal microbiome will continue to mature for several more years before her vagina has the protection of a mature microbiome and local immune system that helps fight the bacteria that can cause TSS. 

So what’s safe?

Although we don’t have specific studies examining the impact of tampons on the maturing vaginal microbiome, most experts recommend that for the first few years of menstruation, girls should avoid using tampons longer than needed, and should not use them around the clock. I know that’s not very specific, but the main idea is to “limit leaving things in the vagina” as much as possible so the microbiome can keep maturing without disruption through the early years of menstruating.

Prepare her

If she’s ready to use tampons, make sure she knows how they work, tips for inserting, and how to use them safely. We have all of that covered in our Class for Girls: All About Tampons.  

Organic or not?

Finally, if you’re asking that – you’re in good company. It’s one of the most common questions we hear related to products. The answer might surprise you, but we’ve got that covered in this blog: Are Period Products Harming Our Daughters?  

Let’s keep looking to science and asking the questions that allow us to raise informed, prepared, and healthy daughters – without myths or reckless abandon!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

As they leave elementary school and head into the hormone filled hallways of middle school where kids roam in herds instead of single file lines, and shiny cell phones replace plastic collectibles in the bus line, you can’t help but worry about whether you’ve prepared your child for life on this new academic and social planet.

Early in the school year is a perfect time to strengthen and discuss the safety net that will make life easier for your child in middle school and beyond. It’s woven together from many intertwining and overlapping pieces. Below are some sturdy ones that will give your child a head start on social and emotional health skills and provide important protection.

 

People who believe in her

Parents matter a lot, but it’s also important that your child sees others cheering her on and believing in her ability to succeed. Sometimes it’s a coach or a teacher, sometimes a youth group leader, sometimes it’s a sibling, a friend or a friend’s parent. Kids who don’t have others openly expressing their confidence in them have a hard time developing the confidence to believe in themselves.

 

A way out

Tweens love to blend in by following the crowd, but most tweens will tell you that the crowd doesn’t always behave in a way that is comfortable. When your child is uncomfortable or pressured in a group situation, make sure she has a way out. Have  a code phrase that she can text you when he needs a way out. Establish a phrase like, “can I stay???” or decide on an emoji which when texted to you really means “call me and tell me I have to come home now!” Their friends will never know they really just asked for help.

 

Affirmations

For many adolescents, self-esteem takes a nose dive around 12 or 13, and when it does, their self-talk becomes more and more negative. Help your child come up with a couple of phrases that they can say over and over to themselves when that voice in their head is telling them they aren’t good enough. Something as simple as “I deserve respect” or “I’m not stupid, I made a mistake,” or “I can do this.” If they learn to talk to themself like they would talk to a friend, they’re on the right track. 

 

Boundaries 

In middle school kids definitely will push some boundaries as they’re trying to establish their own. Some are simple, like later bedtimes or greater independence. Some are more serious, like relationship and even sexual boundaries. If they’re on their own to figure out boundaries, they frequently feel lost. It’s well established that adolescents need caring adults to help them establish those boundaries by sharing expectations and being consist. Even if it’s awkward, it’s time to talk with your child about boundaries — their own AND respecting others. Ask them first what they’re comfortable with, and THEN agree or offer a slightly different perspective based on your hopes and expectations. 

 

Values

If you haven’t had conversations about your family values, now is the time. Make sure your child understands what you consider important “in life” and your expectations for their future based on those values. For tweens & teens, it’s especially important to discuss values related to things like health, education, respect, honesty, love and relationships. As young people are exposed to peers from different backgrounds, they begin to explore and challenge many of the traditional values of their own families, but those with a good foundation, usually drift back toward to the values they grew up with. If a child doesn’t know what is expected of them, they are much more likely to be enticed into behavior patterns that are not in line with their values and goals.

 

A plan 

There’s no way to identify all the challenges your child will face in middle school and develop a plan for each one, however, you can practically count on your child being exposed to pornography and/or sexting by the time they finish middle school. A child that has a plan for how to respond to this specific challenge can avoid major damage and difficulty. That means it’s not only important to explain to your child what porn is and isn’t, but it’s more important to help them decide what to DO when they see it or receive a link to it. Same goes with sexting – whether your child receives a request for nudes, receives an image they didn’t even request, or is thinking about asking for a nude photo – having a witty or disengaging response and knowing what to do to avoid possession, habit formation, or personal humiliation is important prevention. (For more information on this conversation, go here). 

 

Followers 

Every tween wants followers, right? And every tween makes mistakes on social media – especially as they are learning the best ways to use it. Make sure your children have followers who not only follow them on social media, but check in with them in real life. Ask someone you trust to take on this role. Maybe it’s an older sibling, a youth leader, or a friend’s parent. Make sure they are willing to watch your child’s posts on social media and privately message her when she has overshared, over-exposed, or under-represented who she really is. A little help from people who are paying attention will help your child pay more attention and learn valuable lessons.

 

Humility

Every teen (and every parent) needs to understand and recognize that there will  always be people who seem to have more fun, more freedom, more money, more friends, more popularity, nicer stuff, better grades, and more skills than they do. Once your children accept this, they can focus on doing their personal best and sharing in others’ successes.

 

A sense of adventure

Nothing will teach your child more than trying new things, meeting new people, and taking healthy risks that stretch their mind and body. The adolescent brain craves thrills and excitement, and that comes in the form of risk taking. Make sure your child gets the opportunity to take healthy risks that take them out of their comfort zone (assuring they have their safety equipment and emotional safety net as back-ups). Taking healthy risks will fulfill the thrill-seeking needs of tweens & teens just as much as dangerous behaviors will. Remember that risk taking is required for teens, just encourage and allow healthy risk taking, so they don’t look for other ways to get their thrills.

 

Personal hygiene items

So this one’s a little different, but please don’t forget to make sure your child understands the importance of personal hygiene and how to use personal hygiene products (that you will hopefully provide for their backpack and PE bag!). The middle school staff will thank you!

 

We’d love to hear what else you’ll weave into her safety net? Leave us your tips in the comments.

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others? Learn More HERE.