‘Tis the season for shopping guides, and Girlology is back at it with our 2024 gift guide for growing girls! If your daughter has too many Tik Tok inspired fashion and beauty items on her list — we’ve got you! Dive into our list that’s focused on supporting her growing body and brain (🤫 you don’t have to tell her that). Once again, presented in 10 categories to inspire your own ideas as well — we wish you happy shopping! 

 

Train her Brain

Reduce her risk for body image struggles with our newest class for girls: How to Like Your Body. It’s led by young adults who have practiced the skills and will teach your girl HOW to change her mindset, drop self-judgment, and learn to value being strong over skinny, confident over pretty.

Legos have grown as much as she has, and for big kids (and adults) you can find Lego sets for everything from flowers to robotic machines to VanGogh paintings.

Similar to leggos but more mechanical, we love this wooden mechinical puzzle that she can make into a roller coaster for marbles, or a music box…this is definitely a STEM gift for the whole family!

Jigsaw Puzzles support mindfulness and spatial thinking skills, and Jiggies are a favorite! Plus they’re so fulfilling!

Memory games like Brainbolt 

Board games like Codenames or Trekking the National Parks involve strategy, but are simple to learn, educational, and great for tweens to adults. 

And for the budding video creator in your family, look at this Stop Motion animation Kit.

 

Support her Creativity

Craft kit, like this one that teaches her how to Crochet

Photo printer or sticker printer — both are wildly poopular!

Lessons in any artform! Music, dance, drums, theater, pottery, songwriting

Beginner Guitar starter set (for your Swiftie)

Art supplies are our favorite evergreen gift!

 

Boost her Vitamin N (nature!)

Terrarium kit

Propagation station (buy one or create your own with an assortment of small jars) with cute potting containers and soil

Digital Binoculars with camera adapter

Alltrails App or a printed trail guide to local hikes

New hiking shoes or fanny pack (they’re hot right now!) for storing hiking supplies & snacks

Box of 50 Amazing Animal Facts Postcards. She can color them and then use them to write an old school note to someone (as part of a gratitude practice 😉).  

 

Nurture her Mindfulness

Headspace or Calm app

Singing bowl

Meditation cushion

Aroma therapy diffuser

Adult coloring book 

Glitter jar (you’ll have to make this one – instructions in an old newsletter linked here!) 

Gratitude journal

 

Encourage Movement

Lessons in a sport she might want to try

Flying Orb Hover Ball 

Light up basketball 

Disc golf set

Portable (and waterproof) speaker she can take on the go

Sports wear

Skates, scooter, skateboard (Dr. Trish says nothing motorized please!)

 

Connect with Her

Give her a Girlology membership and watch a Girlology class together! 

Tickets to an event you’ll experience together: music, festival, play, dance performance, horse show, dog show, convention for her hobby

Donate to her favorite charity and give a coupon to volunteer there together.

Games are always a great way to connect. Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza is mindless fun & laughter for everyone (plus it only takes about 15 minutes)! 

Trips: weekend getaway, tourist in your own town, stay with a friend and explore their town.

Shared journal – leave notes, questions, or prompts for each other

Certificate for night out once a month and let her pick the activity!

 

Help her with Hygiene Hacks

Bright Girl Skin care. Use our discount code: 

Electric toothbrush and floss!

Personal hair trimmer

Girlology class on hygiene 

Puberty kit (for younger girls): bras, gentle body cleansers, deodorant/antiperspirant, razors, shaving cream, shampoo, conditioner, hair ties, lip gloss, water bottle, sunscreen.

Sleep kit – mask, comfy pjs, and a squishy or soft blanket, and white noise machine. For tips on improving her sleep habits go HERE.

 

Reinforce her Responsibility

A pet?!

Let her plan (or help plan) a trip itinerary from beginning to end

Cook book and money to buy plan, and prepare 1 meal per week

A big white board for all her lists and planning!

Coupons for “life lessons” from friends, neighbors, family members to teach her skills like changing a tire, hanging pictures, cooking, building a fire, using a fire extinguisher, putting gas in a car, reading a map, using a power tool, etc.

Open a checking account with a debit card or a Venmo Teen Account

Birdie personal safety alarm

Mini waffle maker and mini spatula to help her make her own breakfast

Scrunchie with hidden zipper pocket for stashing her door key.

 

Enhance her Education

Audible membership

Library card

Kindle

Gift Card to Independent Book Store (and a copy of our latest book, Youology)

Gift of Girlology! (Discount code is active!)

Tickets to a museum that features something she’s interested in

 

Personalized Gifts

Customized neon sign – family motto, favorite saying, or her name!

Necklace with her name or birth year

Custom paint by number kit of a favorite photo

Star Chart of her birth date

Personalized coordinates jewelry featuring hometown or another special place

Anything Monogramed towels, bags, purses, shower wrap, you name it!

 

For the holidays or any occasion, we hope these gift ideas help you support and stay connected with her through all of her growing years! What would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

In the past week, I’ve heard the term “detox” from three highly intelligent people whom I fear have been bamboozled by the wellness industry. They were spending money on teas, supplements, and meal plans to jumpstart their new year with a “cleansing.” One was detoxing with her adolescent daughter (which could actually create toxicity by encouraging restrictive eating).

There are a lot of ways I could have replied to that, but I took a deep breath and just shared MY favorite detox pointers.

• There is no supplement, diet, or drink that will detox her body better than her own liver and kidneys. 
• Her liver and kidneys can use some detox support, but it doesn’t come from herbs or liquid diets.
• The best ways to detox her body and support her natural detoxing organs are to help her establish healthy habits around sleep, movement, nutrition, and emotional coping. 

I know. An herbal tea would be so much easier. 

But if the new year is motivating you to create positive change in your life, it’s a great time to take an assessment and make a plan together. If you truly want to help her detox from things that are harming her or holding her back, here are 4 sure ways to do that:

• Help her detox from unhealthy friendships
• • • As our daughters leave childhood behind, it’s common for their friendships to shift. Help her understand that “friends” that don’t make her feel respected, heard, or cared for, are not true friends. Many of the mental health issues that affect adolescent girls stem from friendship (or “frenemy”) challenges. 
    • To detox from unhealthy friendships, start conversations about what she needs and hopes for as she makes new friends or carries old friends into the new year and beyond. 
    • Normalize friendship “break ups” as sometimes necessary and liberating. 
    • And help her learn how to be a good friend to others. If you’d like help with this, our Friendship Matters class and workbook, are great resources and conversation guides. 

• Help her edit her social media influences to boost the positive and reduce the negative

• • Encourage her to unfollow accounts that leave her feeling like she’s not good enough or thin enough or popular enough. Instead, simply adding 2-3 new accounts that are uplifting or inspiring can help boost her confidence and happiness.
  • Self-criticism is clearly toxic, but self-acceptance requires practice. For tips on HOW to start that practice, THIS Girlology TV episode offers great information!
    

• Talk with her about avoiding known toxins like vaping and other substance use. 

• • The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends we talk with our kids about substance use starting at age 11. Substance use disorder experts say 9 is a better age. Either way – there are age appropriate chats you can have at any age.
  • Even though we think our kids KNOW better than to vape, try alcohol, or eat THC gummies, our kids gather a LOT of ideas from what they see in their families and communities.
  • If you have kids or teens, do not keep pain meds or other unneeded prescription medications in your home. Here’s why and how.
  • Make sure your kids know not to consume any “candy” that they find or that someone gives them without checking with you. From marijuana gummies to fentanyl, accidental ingestion of substances by children and teens has skyrocketed over the past few years resulting in vastly higher rates of emergency room visits, overdose treatments, and deaths. 

• Reduce her exposure to environmental toxins 

• • This sounds overwhelming, but most environmental toxins are attributed to exposures that are not that difficult to avoid or remove. Simple changes, like eliminating plastic food storage containers, changing air filters, and washing hands can have a big impact.
  • Check out THIS TIP For more information on WHY this matters (especially for girls) and other ways to reduce her exposures.

So, forget the herbal teas, the sweatboxes, and restrictive diets. The best detoxes happen when we rid ourselves of unhealthy relationships, negative self-talk, unrealistic influences, and known threats to our health.

Cheers to a safe and healthy year ahead. We’re here to help all along the way.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

With warmer weather and Spring Breaking, it seems that many of you are thinking about (and stressed about) your daughters’ bathing suits. We get dozens of questions on this topic every year, and the range of questions is as varied as the range of very strong opinions about what is and isn’t ok for girls to wear.

Some of the questions we’ve received recently sum up the recurring themes in the great bathing suit quandaries. I’ve provided some simple, body-positive suggestions that may help (or may not — this is definitely a highly complex and nuanced topic). Let us know how you’re handling these challenges in your home!

 

She’s hiding her body

“My daughter only wears baggy clothes and insists on a full-cover, black one-piece. Her figure is so cute. How can I help her feel more comfortable with it?”

If she likes baggy clothes and wants a full-coverage bathing suit – great. There’s no need to push her into something more form fitting. It’s particularly common for some girls to want to stay covered when they become aware of their morphing body and aren’t quite ready to show others what’s been going on under those giant T-shirts. It doesn’t necessarily mean she has a body image problem, it may just be a time of adjustment. 

You don’t need to know the reason, just start looking for those black one-piece suits. If you have the means, give her a few options and let her choose one she likes best. Remember that you can’t talk her into loving her body, but you can influence her body acceptance by modeling your own and staying focused on the awesome things her body does instead of how it looks. Also – one last suggestion: telling her that her body is cute won’t help, and can actually hurt by perpetuating our societal knee-jerk that focuses on looks instead of other more important traits.

 

Her suit is too small

“My daughter put on last year’s bathing suit, and yikes. We need something bigger! How do I tell her without making her self-conscious?”

When our kids grow, it’s normally seen as an exciting event and sign of health, but when girls’ bodies grow in new places during adolescence, why does everyone act so surprised? If you’re worried about telling her, don’t be. She already knows she’s growing. But the way you talk with her about it can change everything. If you can avoid this scenario before she even tries on last year’s suit, do it. Suggest a shopping trip (or order) anticipating that normal growth means a new swimsuit. If she’s standing in front of you spilling out of last year’s suit, stay calm, matter of fact, and leave the ball in her court, “Looks like it could be time for a new suit. What style do you think you want this year?” 

A girl in a woman’s body

“This year, My 12 year old’s body would definitely fit in a women’s size suit, but she still loves to run around and play. Where do we shop for something comfortable and appropriate?”

Thankfully, this solution is more practical and less emotional. Even though she might be perfectly proportioned for the teen suits, skip the teen department and go straight to the women’s department or sporting good stores where there’s a larger variety of options, including tankinis, one-pieces, and even boy-shorts, board shorts, and rash guard tops that also double as great sun-protection. If you’ll be shopping virtually there are some great options at some of the traditional catalog stores like LL Bean and Land’s End. If she still loves to run around and play, she deserves a suit that lets her do that without wedgies or nip slips!

 

I’m worried she’ll be teased

“My 13 year old daughter is asking for a bikini, but she really doesn’t have the body for it. I want to encourage her body acceptance, but I’m worried that at her age, she will be teased or bullied. What should I do?

This is where parenting tween and teen girls can become excruciatingly challenging. Is our “protection” nothing more than body shaming and judgment? 

My first instinct is to say that the most beautiful bikini body is a happy and confident body – and I believe that with all my heart. But I think we owe our daughters more than “you’re beautiful.” 

At 13, girls are very capable of understanding that as parents, we can feel conflicted about what we want and don’t want for our children. They are also capable of reflecting on choices they make. 

So tell her what you love (her confidence, her style). Tell her what worries you (some people judge others for stupid reasons; some people may sexualize her body and make her feel uncomfortable; she may feel restricted and less free to move around without tugging on her suit). Then get curious without expressing judgment or emotion. Why does she want a bikini? Is there another style she might like to have as well? 

Obviously there’s a delicate balance between helping your daughter feel empowered and helping prepare her for the reality that people can be jerks. You’ve probably said “life’s not fair” before, and this is one more example and a conversation that you’ll need to have again and again as she grows. 

Just make sure she knows that you are her biggest fan no matter what she decides to wear – and if that’s a bikini, then good for her! She is already winning in the body confidence arena.

______

This is a kind and very wise community, so if you are having other dilemmas like these, feel free to ask for help in the comments section. We’re here to help each other as we all parent through puberty! 

If you want to keep it in a more private space, our members have access to our private online forum where you can ask anything and get responses from our physicians, mental health experts, and other caring adults. Maybe it’s a great time to join!

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More about joining HERE. 

When I was in the 4th grade, I got called “Nipsey Russell” by the boys in my class (I’m dating myself, but Nipsey Russel was a TV comedian waaaayyyy back in the day). Obviously, my attempts to hide my budding breasts under baggy shirts wasn’t working, and I finally caved to my mother’s insistence that she take me bra shopping (she had been repeatedly suggesting it, and I had been repeatedly refusing).

I’m not sure which was worse, the name-calling or the bra shopping. 😂 

As my sweet mother walked me into the lingerie department of our local Macy’s and announced (out loud!) that I needed a bra, I turned away and pretended I wasn’t with her. THEN, the bra-lady came at me with a long yellow tape measure, staring at my chest and reaching toward my tiny breasts.

I was mortified. 😳

 👉 Do you remember the awkwardness of your changing body?  

We hear from a lot of moms that their daughter needs a bra, but she’s resistant. If this sounds familiar, I’m happy to let you know there are better ways to get through this transition.

Here are 4 things you can try: 

1. Be the bra fairy.

Just buy some and leave them in her room. Sometimes she’s just resistant to the public shopping experience. 

Pick out a variety of styles and a couple of sizes, and leave them on her dresser (maybe include a note that says “please do not remove the tags!” so you can return the ones she doesn’t like). Ask her what she thinks of them, but don’t be hurt if she’s not appreciative. Just having them available will help her try them when she’s ready.

A good selection might include 

• A cami with a built-in shelf bra (offers support but doesn’t “look” like a bra)
• Some with “modesty pads”
• Some without the padding
• Front hook and back hook options
• Pull-over sports-type bras

2. Normalize breast growth.

Her resistance may be related to feeling self-conscious about her changing body and not wanting to draw any attention to it. Acknowledge her discomfort but normalize her healthy growth and provide reassurance that it takes time to grow comfortable with our changing bodies. Stay as matter of fact as you can, and remind her that her body is doing what it is supposed to do.

3. Point out the Perks

Bras aren’t just utilitarian undergarments, there are lots of reasons girls choose to wear bras. Remind her that a bra can help with these things: 

Comfort – as uncomfortable as they might seem at first, a comfy bra can actually make growing breasts feel less tender because they hold them snug to her chest and keep them from jiggling.

Privacy – many girls who are resistant to bras feel that way because they don’t want anyone to know their breasts are growing, and if their bra shows through their shirt, “others will know.” If this sounds like your daughter (it was definitely one of mine), remind her that a bra can actually give her more privacy – by preventing her budding nipples from showing through her clothes or allowing privacy if she needs to change clothes in front of her friends.

Style – whether or not she needs a bra for support or privacy, she might just enjoy wearing something cute or trendy. Camis (with a built-in bra) can fill the need for style and function.  

4. Make it her choice

Finally, reassure her that wearing a bra is her choice to make. There are countries all over the globe where bras are rare or absent. However, adolescence in the U.S. is tough territory full of self-consciousness, teasing, pressures to conform, dress codes, and societal expectations. Each child’s experience and support will be different, but one thing we hope all girls learn is that they should never let embarrassment keep them from feeling more comfortable, nor should they ever feel any shame related to their changing body.

For our members, if you want to share some of these tips with your girl, have her watch THIS quick video made especially for young girls.

If you want some tips on shopping for her first bra, we’ve got help for you HERE.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

😂Whether you’re watching our on-demand puberty program with her from the comfort of your couch or you’re attending an in-person Girlology program offered by your local Girlologist, I want to share some insider information.

There will be plenty of facts dropped and jokes floated, but do you best to pay attention to the “feel good” moments.

After teaching our girls’ puberty programs to thousands of girls and their caregivers for 15+ years, these are the moments I love to watch. Most often, they show up in facial expressions or body language, but sometimes you’ll find them in their laughter or whispers. 

So if you’re ready to get started with our Level 3 playlist that introduces her to the basic puberty topics or you’ve diving right into the our full puberty class with her, keep an eye out for some of these things. I hope they warm your ❤️ and remind you that you’re doing a great job by making sure she’s informed and prepared. 

• the way she reluctantly walks in (or agrees to watch), but quickly becomes comfortable. 😂

   

   

• how truly curious she is about her body and how it works. 🤔

   

   

• those sighs of relief as she discovers she’s normal and not alone. 😅

   

   

• her “oh!” and “aha!” moments when she “gets” how period products work. 💡

   

   

• The giggles that bubble up as she realizes these chats don’t have to be so serious! 😆

   

   

• the nods and knowing glances she shoots you as we chat about friendships and moods. 😏

   

   

• the emotional connection you feel during this shared experience. 😥

   

   

• and the way she leans into you or reaches out for a sweet touch that lets you know this is meaningful. 💕

Sharing this class truly creates connection. It also serves as an ice-breaker and a springboard for so many future chats. We hear from parents all the time that they watched a class with their daughter, and it strengthened their connection because they were talking more comfortably and frequently about changing bodies and minds. When that happens, you are way more likely to become her trusted go-to, and that is so protective.

So watch for the feel-good moments for YOU, and take comfort in knowing SHE will enter puberty and adolescence with greater confidence knowing what’s ahead.

You’re doing a great job!

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

It’s normal to feel anxiety rising when you look at your daughter and realize she’s moving quickly through childhood toward puberty. Maybe one of her friends is developing, or maybe she tosses out some attitude that feels unfamiliar and prickly. Or maybe, she just put on her bathing suit for the first time this year and omg, what has been going on under those bulky winter clothes? 

There’s no reason to panic, but there are lots of good reasons to prepare – yourself first, THEN, your girl.

Part of helping our daughters navigate puberty and adolescence with confidence and knowledge is to do our own work. Here’s the assignment:

1. Shift parenting gears. 

Parenting toddlers and young children requires a lot of physical stamina. It can be exhausting to constantly scan the physical environment for hazards, keep her entertained with developmentally-beneficial  activities, schedule and supervise playdates, answer all her questions. As you shift toward parenting pre-teens and teens, it’s physically easier, but requires a ton more mental energy. Instead of watching HER every move, you have to start watching YOUR OWN thoughts, judgments, and responses, all while encouraging her to be more independent, advocate for her needs, learn from her mistakes, and think about her future. The most useful skills for parenting tweens and teens become staying calm, responding with curiosity instead of judgment, modeling healthy relationships, and being generous with opportunities to problem solve instead of doing all the problem solving for her.  

 

2. Prepare her without overwhelming her.

You’ve spent her whole life preparing her for what’s ahead, whether it was her her first day of school or her daily routine to get ready for bed. You know she does better when she knows what to expect and hears your reassurances that make it less scary or overwhelming. She needs the same things as she heads into puberty. What’s next for her body? When will it happen? How can she care for it? What can she do to manage her big feelings?  Believe it or not, preparing her for puberty and adolescence is no different than preparing her for anything else in her life, and you’re the best one to help her feel ready.

 

3. Learn strategies that support and nurture the ever-changing emotional and mental health landscape of a budding adolescent.

Every generation of adolescents has faced trends and cultural influences that threaten their mental health. Today, those challenges are bigger than ever as evidenced by the current mental health crisis among teens – girls especially. Parenting through puberty is tough, but it’s best when YOU feel supported with accessible, relatable resources and expert guides. If we want to shift the current tide of declining mental health among girls, we have to focus on prevention. Since over half of all mental health disorders among adults begin by age 14, puberty is the perfect time for our preventative efforts.

Great. but HOW do you DO all of that?

It depends on where this journey is starting for you (and her).

If you’re here early in the game, my best advice is download our free ebook, Be Her Best Guide (a Pre-Puberty Guide for Proactive Parents). It will start you on the right path with preparation tips, facts, how-to advice, and answers to common questions.  

If puberty is already underway in your home, then I invite you to join our community to check out our other content. We offer hundreds of tips & discussions for parents and engaging classes for girls through every age and stage of puberty and adolescence; and I promise, you’re not too late to start. 

We know it takes a village, and as physicians dedicated to girls’ health and wellness, and moms of daughters, our passion is to empower girls and the people who care for them with accurate and helpful health & wellness information that helps grow their confidence.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

If you were to take a few minutes before bed every night for a week to ponder and write down “Three Good Things” from your day, research says you’d experience an increase in happiness, hope, and optimism. If you were to stick with it longer, you’d grow resilience and you might also boost your immune system. Sound too good to be true? Three Good Things is one of the most well-known and well-studied tools of positive psychology. 

Seems like we should get our kids on board with it, right? 

So I tried.

When my kids were still in elementary school, we would do something similar at the dinner table every evening. We started each dinner by asking each person tell three good things from their day. We could hardly keep each of our girls from interrupting each other with their joyous lists of daily highlights. 🤗

Then came adolescence, and suddenly, our happy habit was “stupid” or met with silent, squinty glares. 🙄

Our forced family happiness exercise was ruining our family dinners. 

You know what else ruins a family dinner? 

The natural conversations that flow when dinner starts off with sighs and eye rolls over a happiness exercise. Next thing you know, you’re bringing up bad grades, forgotten chores, dirty rooms, and screen time.

Who wants to sit at that table? 😠😫😔

Eventually, everyone will be looking for a way out, and it becomes way too easy to let them all skip the dinner table and eat on their own schedules.

So, if you have adolescents, it’s time to be more strategic about meal time as well as the moods they may bring to the table. To help, I have two very simple recommendations:  

1.) Make the dinner table a place where the adults are not allowed to make any negative comments or observations. If the kids bring up emotionally charged topics. This is your chance to practice the 5 tips we shared in our Girlology TV episode on puberty, moods & attitudes. Members can watch it HERE.

2). Make eating together a priority whenever you can, because shared mealtime PROTECTS our kids from many of the things we worry about. Like what? Depression, disordered eating, unhealthy risk taking and it BOOSTS a lot of qualities we hope for, like self esteem, vocabulary, and even academic performance. Members can learn more about the benefits of shared mealtimes in our tip, Family Meals are Good Medicine. Even a couple times a week helps, and the meal doesn’t always have to be dinner! 

What works for you and your kids at mealtimes? Let us know in the comments! 🍴🥗🍕🍛🧇

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

I’ve been credited with (and unfortunately accused of) raising daughters who believe their voice matters. Each of them uses their voice in different ways, but it’s been fun to watch them discover the power and value of speaking up.

What did I do? Everything wrong.

When my oldest was facing some friendship challenges, I told her what she should say. When she talked about feeling left out, I told her how to get over it. When she thought she explained her idea for a project, I told her how to improve it. Argh!! I sucked.

Lucky for me, around that same time, I was chatting with a friend and psychologist about my concerns that my daughter wasn’t speaking up for herself. My friend politely pointed out that trying to give my daughter MY voice was not going to work. Instead, she offered some great guidance on how I could help my girl find her own voice.

I was the problem (are you hearing the Taylor Swift song?). I was so worried about her, I was trying to fix everything for her.

Society sends us such mixed signals. We are bombarded with news that our world is increasingly dangerous, yet we have been labeled as a generation of overprotective “helicopter” parents. 

So, how do we confidently encourage our daughters to become more independent while keeping them safe? How do we help our girls find their voices and advocate for themselves, their needs, what they believe in? 

How do we Fear Less and Know More?

According to one of our favorite Psychologists, Dr. Alison Conner, the most important step is … learn to LISTEN!

Becoming independent is a crucial task of adolescence, and it requires self-advocacy skills. But sometimes we can become so obsessed with our daughters’ success and happiness that we may end up stepping in to prevent her failures and eliminate her disappointments. After a couple decades of “you’re-the-best-” and “don’t-let-them-see-you-struggle-” mentality, we are thankfully returning to the more realistic and accurate idea that failure can be fruitful.

Helicopter Less. Allow Failure More.

As your daughter navigates her way through the pre-teen and teen years, know it’s a lengthy process where sometimes she’ll amaze you with maturity, and other times, she’s acting five again. She will succeed. And she will have some missteps.

Despite what she may request, it’s definitely not the time to “let go” and give her unsupervised free rein. However, it is a perfect time to start trusting her ability to learn how to solve her own problems.  It’s a perfect time to encourage her to find her voice.  

BUT HOW? 

You can support her most by building trust and communication, which ultimately requires more LISTENING and less talking (two ears, one mouth, right?). The more we show her that her voice matters, the more she will believe it. It starts with us.

Here are some tips Dr. Conner offers to help those of us with adolescents become better listeners, and therefore, better communicators and better parents:

• Listen even when you disagree. 
• Resist temptations to always investigate, judge, or fix. 
• Don’t always assume the worst. 
• Choose your battles. 
• Let her help establish her own boundaries and rules (and even consequences)
• Give guidance when needed. 
• Negotiate. 
• Be her ally. 
• Trust in her ability to begin to solve her own problems. 

The most important step in teaching your daughter that her voice matters is to show her how empowering it feels when someone LISTENS. 

The best way to teach her to find her voice is to listen to her when she’s using it.

 

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE.