When my youngest daughter was 14, there were times she was on the brink of independence and other times she was clinging to childhood. She could be wildly confusing but also so logical and insightful it blew my mind. 

She was loud.

   She was quiet.

      She was indifferent.

         She was opinionated. 

Sometimes anxious, sometimes confident. 

She was all of those very different things on a regular basis. 

 

It felt SO COMPLICATED. 😦 But it was also so typical for her age.

 

Maybe this sounds familiar? 👯‍♀️

 

I’ll admit, with my oldest daughter (bless her for being our firstborn), I struggled with the inconsistency of not knowing what to expect. 

Would she engage with me 😊 or just grunt at me? 🙄 

Was it a day she would need me, or not? 

Which of her attitudes was going to walk down the stairs on any given day? 😇👿🤡 

 

Was I looking at a mood disorder, or was this normal?

 I had always loved taking care of adolescent patients in my office, but as a parent, I was getting my first experience LIVING with one. 

I started to understand why parents with teens could get so defeated and frustrated and worried.

But as I continued to witness my daughters’ transitions (I now have young adults), hindsight and medical training brought me to a place where I could see these inconsistencies through a different lens. 🔎

Rather than seeing all the problems that created frustrations, I looked for the surprises. 

Teens are full of them – developmentally, intellectually, socially, relationally.

The more I keep this perspective, the better I am at handling whatever they toss my way. I know that if one surprise is frustrating, or even slightly terrifying, the next surprise may be delightful, or hilarious, or a total #victory.

And, you know what? 

When you focus on their positive surprises, they are more motivated to keep learning and doing better. 

So, to improve my parenting (and maintain my sanity), I decided that I would lower some expectations around consistency and focus on the happy surprises.

I realize that sounds so happy clappy (does anyone else remember Pollyanna?), but I also acknowledge with all seriousness, the warning signs of trouble. This mindset shift also requires some awareness because recognizing problems is difficult when there is little consistency to begin with (like adolescence!).

In the Girlology community, we’re here to help you focus on the happy surprises, but also to recognize when the inconsistencies become problems. 

Mood shifts

Academic struggles

Loss of interest

Sleep changes

Substance use

These are all common bumps in the road that can be confusing. Is it a typical adolescent behavior or a signal that she has an underlying problem that needs attention? 

In our vast library of on-demand video content, we cover all of these and more to help you feel more confident navigating this new era. As a Girlology member, you’ll have all the access exactly when you need it. 

Join our community today for some peace of mind and momfidence-building insights..

Ready to become a Girlology member? Learn More HERE. 

Those moods. As a parent, you watch them morph as your daughter cartwheels into adolescence and then slams the door in your face. 

Sometimes she’s her “usual” self. 😊 Sometimes she’s so …  👹 🐍 🥊 🎭 🛸 🗯 🤷🏾‍♀️.

There’s no doubt it worries you. We hear it all the time, “Is she just moody or could it be depression?”

YES to both. 

✅ Yes, she’s moody; bigger moods and rapid emotional surges 🎢 are a normal part of adolescent brain development (not just because of hormones!). I’ll be talking about that in an upcoming blog. She needs to learn how to manage her difficult emotions.

✅ Yes, it could be depression because after puberty, depression rates soar, especially for girls; we need to be vigilant and do what we can to prevent or help depression, right? 

Cue: Self Care. 

I’m not talking about cliche “treat yourself” indulgences.💅🏼🛍 True self care is taking the time to do the things that make us our best selves —  like human connections, healthy habits, taking time to reflect and plan. Self care is a powerful tool in managing moods, rising out of a mild depression, and maintaining health on a holistic level. 

In this tip Dr. Trish gives you 5 concrete and actionable ways to counter depression by guiding her toward self care. Nothing’s a quick fix, but establishing these habits can support her health long term. 

At the same time, understand the warning signs of depression because for some girls, there is no amount of self care that can prevent it or fix it.

So, back to the question all parents seem to ask at some point:

Is she just moody, or is she depressed?

Moody – grumpy, irritable, angry, crying, complaining – you know what “moody” looks like. A “depressed mood” can be part of that. If it’s normal adolescent moodiness, the “bad mood” doesn’t last long, and there are some “good moods” thrown in as well. If something fun comes along, she’s up for it. She’ll get up, get out, laugh, and participate in the stuff she usually likes to participate in. 

Depressed – can look a lot like moody, but it persists for more than a couple of weeks and begins to creep into other parts of her life to affect her sleep, activities, relationships, school work, energy level, and even her physical health. 

To add confusion, teens can be savvy about trying to get better on their own, so they may seek activities to “lift their mood.” That can look like spending more time with friends, thrill seeking, sexual behaviors, substance use. Contrary to the stereotype, a depressed teen isn’t always alone. Instead, she can actually look desperate for social connection and attention. For girls, in particular, they often seek other depressed peers and reinforce each other’s problems, sometimes intensifying the symptoms.

If your daughter is clearly having some normal adolescent moodiness, we feel you. We recommend you practice your deep breathing, calm responses, and maintaining your sense of humor. 

If you’re not sure her moods fall within the “normal” category, or if she has any other symptoms of depression, speak with her doctor or a counselor right away. 

There are many ways to successfully treat depression through talking therapy, medications, or both. With treatment, she can expect to feel better in a few weeks to months. Without treatment, depression is likely to worsen, last longer, and recur later in life. 

Remember that depression is a medical diagnosis that causes changes in the brain structure and chemistry. It is neither a weakness nor a parenting failure. 

Never ever hesitate to seek help.

 

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

😢 she’s tearful because she senses something deeply meaningful to her. 

😤 she’s angry because someone was wronged. 

😫 she’s frustrated because she envisions a better solution.

What’s one of the first remarks you hear when a girl or woman becomes tearful, or angry, or frustrated? 😭😡😒

She must be PMS-ing.

Actually, chances are, it’s not PMS.

[Can you tell it really annoys me when I hear those comments? And, no, I’m not PMS-ing!]

Allow me to climb on my soapbox for a second, then I’ll give you some facts. Promise.

We need to fight the societal knee-jerk that writes-off girls’ and women’s emotions as frivolous and flighty because “we’re hormonal.” 

Our hormones don’t create our emotions. Our emotions are responses to things we experience, therefore it is way more likely that…  

😢 she’s tearful because she senses something deeply meaningful to her. 

😤 she’s angry because someone was wronged. 

😫 she’s frustrated because she envisions a better solution.

Our emotions provide us with important insights. We need to stop making excuses for them, and learn to use them to spark growth and change (or at least some reflective time).

On the other hand…

When I asked my 14 year old daughter (child of Girlology upbringing) what PMS stands for, she replied, “Period.Mood.Swings.” 

sigh. 

I obviously need to back up.

[Stepping off soapbox and heading to chalk board…]

PMS stands for Premenstrual Syndrome. It’s real and it impacts over 80% of menstruators — some more than others; so let me give it the attention it deserves by sharing accurate information AND helpful solutions.

The word SYNDROME means a cluster of symptoms that make up a condition. Each symptom affects each individual in different ways and with varying degrees of severity. 

PMS is caused by hormone shifts that happen between ovulation and the start of menstruation. The symptoms are related to falling estrogen levels paired with rising-then-falling progesterone levels. 

By definition, PMS begins after ovulation, and the symptoms stop within a few days after a period begins, often the first day or two of menstruation. That means two important things:

👉🏽 If you do not ovulate, it’s not PMS (in young girls, ovulation is irregular in the first year or two of periods, but the other most common reason for not ovulating is hormonal birth control, which is one of many ways to treat PMS). 

👉🏽 If symptoms continue past menstruation, they are not part of PMS but likely related to a different diagnosis. Talk with your doctor.

Before we get to the cluster of symptoms, an important word about PERIOD-RELATED MOODS:

Moodiness is ONE symptom of PMS, but it’s important to understand that severe premenstrual mood extremes, including paralyzing anxiety, disabling depression, or suicidal thoughts are NOT PMS. If mood changes are this extreme, they are part of a more serious but treatable diagnosis called PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). Don’t ignore those symptoms or think they’re “just PMS.” Please get medical attention.

The other symptoms of PMS are varied, range from mild to severe, and may include: 

• Bloating
• Cramps
• Fatigue
• Acne
• Diarrhea or constipation
• Breast tenderness
• Food cravings
• Mental cloudiness

Sounds horrible, but the good news is that each of these symptoms can be improved with lifestyle changes related to nutrition, exercise, and healthy habits.If you want more information on natural remedies for PMS symptoms, watch THIS CLASS where we discuss solutions with an Integrative Medicine physician who focuses on prevention and natural treatments. 

Most of all, remember that her menstrual cycle should not interfere with her life. The more she understands her cycle, the more prepared she will be to manage it or get the help she needs. And if lifestyle and nutritional changes aren’t doing enough, her physician can provide other options to improve PMS. 

Don’t let her sit back and suffer. She has big things to do!

 

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists listing on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More