Recently, I invited some girlfriends from college and my young adult years to soak in a lake and the comfort, laughter, and nostalgia of deep-rooted friendships. These are friends I don’t see enough, but we know each others’ histories so well, we always pick up where we left off. They’re also friends who show up with open hearts, no judgment, the perfect playlist, and wine!

As we caught up on the usual topics (with an extra dose of aging parent challenges and teen drama this year) each of us, in one way or another, mentioned our hopes that our own children will experience friendships like ours to carry them through their own adulting.

I especially thought of my youngest who was in the middle of that awful stage when friend groups begin to shift and some girls choose exclusion over inclusion, and indifferent over kind.

Remember that? Ugh. 🙄

What’s ironic about my girls trip is that I kept hearing that voice in my head reeling off the tips in our Friendship Matters Class and Workbook. I was trying to get away from work for a few days, but it kept creeping in!

Then it dawned on me. 💡

I was actually SEEING the tips put to use as I spent time with these friends.  

In fact, the class and ebook we created for 5th and 6th graders was actually helping ME be a more engaged and attentive friend. 

Although our class also covers things like bullies and crushes, it begins with some essentials for any true friendship. We call them our Friendship F.A.C.T.s, and I think everyone can benefit from remembering them.

To help your daughter understand the essentials of any relationship, help her learn and practice these things:

Feedback: giving feedback that can communicate feelings and needs, as well as receiving feedback with an attitude of learning and growing

Attention: learning to show her interest through her actions, comments, and body language

Cheering: showing support for her friends through thoughtful and encouraging comments

Time: helping her understand that spending time with friends is the best way to strengthen relationships and have more things to talk about

I know it sounds cheesy, but I believe my girls’ trip was more meaningful because I got a refresher on Friendship Matters. (Thankfully, I didn’t have to use any of our tips on bullies or bystander issues!) 

• My feedback was better. 
• My focus was more intentional.
• I had better ways to express my own needs.
• I dove into the activities with greater enthusiasm.

I came home even more excited to remind our members about this class because I realized it’s NOT just for tween girls (well, it IS, but it’s also good for anyone). 

The tips and skills are of universal importance, but they don’t come naturally. 

I hope you’ll watch it with your daughter, download the workbook, and use it as a refresher in your own life because friendships thrive when we’re more intentional, and friendships matter, right? 

Consider joining Girlology for friendship help, and stick around for guidance on puberty, periods, mental health, skin care, body image and more! We offer grade-by-grade video playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others. Learn More Here.

In the past week, I’ve heard the term “detox” from three highly intelligent people whom I fear have been bamboozled by the wellness industry. They were spending money on teas, supplements, and meal plans to jumpstart their new year with a “cleansing.” One was detoxing with her adolescent daughter (which could actually create toxicity by encouraging restrictive eating).

There are a lot of ways I could have replied to that, but I took a deep breath and just shared MY favorite detox pointers.

• There is no supplement, diet, or drink that will detox her body better than her own liver and kidneys. 
• Her liver and kidneys can use some detox support, but it doesn’t come from herbs or liquid diets.
• The best ways to detox her body and support her natural detoxing organs are to help her establish healthy habits around sleep, movement, nutrition, and emotional coping. 

I know. An herbal tea would be so much easier. 

But if the new year is motivating you to create positive change in your life, it’s a great time to take an assessment and make a plan together. If you truly want to help her detox from things that are harming her or holding her back, here are 4 sure ways to do that:

• Help her detox from unhealthy friendships
• • • As our daughters leave childhood behind, it’s common for their friendships to shift. Help her understand that “friends” that don’t make her feel respected, heard, or cared for, are not true friends. Many of the mental health issues that affect adolescent girls stem from friendship (or “frenemy”) challenges. 
    • To detox from unhealthy friendships, start conversations about what she needs and hopes for as she makes new friends or carries old friends into the new year and beyond. 
    • Normalize friendship “break ups” as sometimes necessary and liberating. 
    • And help her learn how to be a good friend to others. If you’d like help with this, our Friendship Matters class and workbook, are great resources and conversation guides. 

• Help her edit her social media influences to boost the positive and reduce the negative

• • Encourage her to unfollow accounts that leave her feeling like she’s not good enough or thin enough or popular enough. Instead, simply adding 2-3 new accounts that are uplifting or inspiring can help boost her confidence and happiness.
  • Self-criticism is clearly toxic, but self-acceptance requires practice. For tips on HOW to start that practice, THIS Girlology TV episode offers great information!
    

• Talk with her about avoiding known toxins like vaping and other substance use. 

• • The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends we talk with our kids about substance use starting at age 11. Substance use disorder experts say 9 is a better age. Either way – there are age appropriate chats you can have at any age.
  • Even though we think our kids KNOW better than to vape, try alcohol, or eat THC gummies, our kids gather a LOT of ideas from what they see in their families and communities.
  • If you have kids or teens, do not keep pain meds or other unneeded prescription medications in your home. Here’s why and how.
  • Make sure your kids know not to consume any “candy” that they find or that someone gives them without checking with you. From marijuana gummies to fentanyl, accidental ingestion of substances by children and teens has skyrocketed over the past few years resulting in vastly higher rates of emergency room visits, overdose treatments, and deaths. 

• Reduce her exposure to environmental toxins 

• • This sounds overwhelming, but most environmental toxins are attributed to exposures that are not that difficult to avoid or remove. Simple changes, like eliminating plastic food storage containers, changing air filters, and washing hands can have a big impact.
  • Check out THIS TIP For more information on WHY this matters (especially for girls) and other ways to reduce her exposures.

So, forget the herbal teas, the sweatboxes, and restrictive diets. The best detoxes happen when we rid ourselves of unhealthy relationships, negative self-talk, unrealistic influences, and known threats to our health.

Cheers to a safe and healthy year ahead. We’re here to help all along the way.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE. 

My latest Target run reminds me it’s Valentine’s Season. How’s that going at your house?

Remember the days of carefully decorating a shoe box for collecting so much Valentine’s love? 💕📬 Sometimes I wish that tradition continued into middle school & high school because our preteen and teen kids NEED to feel some love from their peers.  

This isn’t just my mama-bear opinion, it’s a research proven need —something we call a developmental milestone.

For young children, developmental milestones are mostly physical – sitting up, walking, hopping on one foot. For teens, the milestones are cerebral 🧠 and related to their arduous journey of self-discovery. 

So why am I bringing this up around Valentine’s day?

One of the biggest milestones for young teens is getting an affirmative answer to a question that also tends to come up on V-Day:

✅  Am I lovable?

I can already hear you answering, 🗣💕 “Of course, she’s lovable!” But the answer can’t come from you. She has to answer it herself. And with that, there’s some GOOD NEWS and BAD NEWS.

Bad news first.  

As much as you and other adults may love her unconditionally (and that is the essential foundation on which all this other lovable-ness is built), feeling loved by the grown-ups in her life won’t check this particular box for her. She needs to feel lovable from her peers.

Now for the good news.

It doesn’t require a Valentine for her to discover she’s lovable. 

💘 Sometimes it can come from that one best friend who likes her for exactly who she is (her friendships with other girls are really important for learning things like negotiation and boundaries).

💘 Sometimes it’s as simple as getting the “label” of being someone’s “special person” – even if they only “go out” for a day (so don’t sweat “young romance;” they’re usually more interested in the label than in the “relationship”).

💘 Sometimes it’s being the subject of someone else’s crush (even if she just hears it through her best friends’ older sister’s boyfriend’s little brother). 

💘 And yes, some kids are so comfortable in their own skin that they never question their lovability among their peers. These kids get to hit the “easy” button and move on to their next milestone.

So whether she’s looking for affirmations from her Galentines or a Valentine, remember that this is all part of the healthy and normal business of adolescent development. 

But if she’s struggling with her Galentines, we have tips to help her with friendships in our Friendship Matters Class and workbook.

If she’s sad that she doesn’t have a Valentine, have her watch this Tip on the key ingredient to healthy romantic relationships in the future – there’s LOTS of hope ahead!  

XOXO

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you — on topics like this and lots others? Learn More