Recently, I found something helpful – really helpful. I landed on some work by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., a health psychologist who is re-engineering the way we should think about stress. She does a beautiful job translating neuroscience research into practical tips for health. And since right now is a perfect time to practice stress management, I wanted to share two interesting ideas.

If you rethink the way you see stress, it can change your health.

We’ve taught for decades that stress makes you sick. Newer neuroscience research is finding that your mindset matters. Stress only makes you sick IF you believe it’s bad for you. In fact, if you see stress as something that helps you prepare for challenges ahead, it actually creates health. If we change the way we think about stress, we can actually change our body’s response to it.

Stress creates a natural need for connection with other humans

This point is super cool and taught me something new about oxytocin. You may know oxytocin as the “cuddle” hormone; it’s released when we nurse our baby or when we are wrapped in a warm hug. 

What I didn’t realize is that oxytocin is also a stress hormone (as much as adrenaline is), and it offers natural anti-inflammatory effects – therefore it’s healing. Its release prompts us to seek support from others. When we connect with others, we get even more oxytocin, and that helps us heal faster. Through another study, she showed how caring for others creates resilience to the  health conditions typically related to stress. 

Dr. McGonigal sums it up best in two sentences:

“When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage. When you choose to connect with others under stress, you can create resilience.”

The world is stressful right now for all of us, but especially for young people who have brains with a heightened sensitivity to fear and worry. It can help us all to know that we have some control over how we allow the stress to affect us. As your child’s biggest health influencer, you can help them reframe their mindset around stress (while working on it yourself). 

• How is stress preparing us for something ahead? 
• How are we connecting with others to help us de-stress? 
• Can we explore ways to care for others? 

These are simple and proven steps that can help you to help your children grow resilience. Have you seen these things work in your own life? Sharing our stories of overcoming hardships and stress also help us connect with each other and grow through it  – together.

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade playlists outlining on-demand video and downloadable content to support her and you through the entire journey? Learn More 

Last week, the US Preventive Services Health Task Force released a new recommendation for screening ALL children ages 8-18 for anxiety. Honestly, I wish the publicity folks had done a better job emphasizing that the screen is for Anxiety DISORDER because using the term “anxiety” implies that it is both uncommon and bad. 

It’s neither. 

The truth is, everyone experiences anxiety, and anxiety itself isn’t bad; it is a protective mechanism.

But an untreated anxiety disorder is damaging — physically, mentally, and often over years or even a lifetime. Right now, anxiety disorders among youth have reached a point where public health experts are worried. 

Even without a pandemic, there has always been a lot of pressure on young people – pressure to excel at everything, to look a certain way, to be social, to be active, to stand out, to blend in. 

It’s tough enough feeling that pressure every day in school or afterschool activities; but unlike their parents’ generation, young people today rarely get a break from it. So many of them carry it into their private time on their phones and screens – all day, all night. Today, girls have more anxiety than ever. 

And let me just confirm that anxiety is really tricky – for our girls and for us as parents.

• We want to protect our daughters, so we try to help them avoid things that make them anxious.????
• We want to be their sounding board, but sometimes their anxiety makes us anxious. 😥
• We want to help, but sometimes we aren’t doing them any favors. In fact, we can really make it worse. Been there. Done that. 🙋🏻‍♀️

The toughest thing about anxiety is recognizing the delicate balance between normal anxiety that motivates her or protects her from harm, and the type of anxiety that can creep into her life to alter her behaviors, disrupt her relationships, slow her progress, or downright paralyze her. That’s when it becomes a medical diagnosis: anxiety disorder.

Nearly 1 in 3 girls will have symptoms that are diagnostic of an anxiety disorder before they are adults, but up to 80% of them never get treated for it. 

Some of that is related to the stigma around mental health, some of it is lack of awareness, and some of it happens when we fail to help children learn and practice coping skills to help with their big emotions. 

Every girl’s “herstory” is unique and treatment should be based on her specific needs, but there are two things that are absolutely true: 

Untreated anxiety prevents her from living her best life.

Treatments for anxiety (there are many options) are highly effective.

So let’s turn the girls we love from a worrier into a warrior by getting her the help she needs. 💪

What does that look like? It’s an ongoing process, but here are some starting points: 

• Teach her coping skills for dealing with difficult emotions (we do that in our class for young people: Be You)
• Listen more & without judgment (this GTV shares why and how)
• Nurture her self-esteem in meaningful ways (here are 5 quick strategies)
• Model our own healthy emotional coping (deeper dive in THIS GTV episode)
• Talk with her pediatrician if you have concerns (this downloadable checklist may help)

Did you know Girlology has grade-by-grade video on demand playlists to support her and you through all things puberty and adolescence. Our doctor-moms cover topics like this and lots others! Learn More HERE.