I write this with a loving heart and an understanding that you are probably like most other humans with a heart and soul. That means I know you experience pain, regret, sorrow and icky thoughts and feelings of unlovability. It’s gigantic, hard stuff. The kind of gigantic, hard stuff that becomes etched in your spirit and worn daily like a uniform – worn daily as if it’s mandated by some higher authority figure. But what if you aren’t mandated to always wear your mistakes? Imagine the feeling of self-acceptance you could experience with permission to exhale a mistake that you’re holding on to and learn to let it go. Just release it. Learn to accept it as part of your story… but for crying out loud, LET IT GO!
Imagine receiving a permission slip that reads:
“As of today, I have permission to let go of negative thoughts and feelings about that bad experience. I am released from the burden of carrying around the uncomfortable and unflattering thoughts and feelings about what happened. The reckoning is here. I am now required to move forward with a lighter heart and shimmering “good enough-ness!”
How beautifully empowering would it feel to just leave that bad experience behind and choose to only take with you the lessons you learned from it? That’s it! I know you want to be loved and accepted – we all do. Truly loved and accepted. For the strong-hearted girl reading this, true acceptance actually starts with learning to accept and love yourself. (Cliché, I know, but so true!) Accept your mistakes as part of your evolving story and bear witness to possible positive changes that have, or will, come from what happened. There’s no magic that reverses the course of what has happened to you, but choosing to move forward can change the course of the present and future.
Hint: Do you know the saying “All good things must come to an end?” I believe the same can be true for bad things, too. Try to remember that a painful situation will come to an end if you deal with it in healthy ways. Don’t feed it! Whatever you do… DON’T FEED IT! Are you asking what “feeds” bad situations?
Lean in – I’ll tell you the basics.
Bad situations thrive and grow from retaliation, negative self-talk, self-destructive behaviors, declaring war on others, and blaming. Instead, feed that bad situation acceptance, accountability, and repair, and it will transform into a story that includes healing and rising stronger!
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Niebuhr
by Dr. Alison Conner, psychologist in Fresno, CA and member of the Girlology Expert Panel.